Having big feels about just shutting this blog down.
I made this blog for my ffxiv ocs and yes I've been away from tumblr for a while back and forth but even from the get go there wasn't a lot of activity here. Recently the only real interactions I've been getting are for reblogs from others and nothing for my ocs apart from my spouse. So my brain wolves just keep telling me 'why bother?' I keep trying to get myself to put myself and my characters out there more and at this point maybe its time to throw in the towel and come to terms with that I'm the problem (its me). I want to talk about my characters all the time but I get overwhelmed easily without a guide and even then my brain will often go into shut off mode trying to fight against past trauma that no one actually cares and I'll alienate people, be too much, be told to stop, or just be ignored entirely. I love doing screen shots, and edits, and character asks, and writing, but when they only get a couple of likes or lately nothing at all. Its hard to justify to my adhd that I want put all the work into creating and posting it to share even if nothing happens. Cause if no one wants to see it or even like it, I'll just keep it in my head and put my energy elsewhere.
Like I'm obviously its something I'm doing something wrong. Either I'm not tagging the way I should, I'm not posting enough (granted I dont know if I have the brain to post more without a prompt of some kind), not being engaging enough or the most heart breaking option that what I'm posting just isn't like by people. I just don't know which or if its even something I can change.
I also recognize that I'm hitting a low point. Likely its lots of different stresses converging onto this one small hurt because I can't do anything about the other larger, world wide stresses and anger. I can only hope that writing it down will help it get out of my head.
I'm going to try and do some new screens this weekend, maybe even some writing and get them posted over the next few weeks and see if there is any difference. If not, well at least then I can't say I didn't try.