#personal log entry

[divinemissem13]

Lt. Tom Paris

Personal Log

I don’t remember much from when we were lizards. I don’t remember who did what or how to get to that planet or any of that.

What really stuck were the sense memories. Taste, smell, feelings…. Not emotions, but rather the feeling of hurtling through time and space, of being everywhere and everywhen all in the same moment.

I remember the taste of the mud on that planet - tangy and metallic and just a little bit salty. I guess mud ends up in your mouth a lot when your mouth is only inches off of the ground.

Memories fade, though, unless they are reinforced. That’s why I like to talk about them. Keep the good things close to the surface. It was a once in a lifetime experience, after all, and one for the record books!

There is one thing in particular that I wouldn’t mind forgetting, but of course it’s the one thing that I can’t seem to get away from: the Captain’s scent.

Back on that planet, I think I probably couldn’t get enough of it. We did mate, after all.

Now it churns my stomach.

It’s not that I don’t find her attractive in human form. Quite the opposite.

But here, on Voyager, it’s not for me.

That faint, background odor spikes the moment Chakotay steps onto the bridge. I can barely concentrate on piloting the ship, it’s so strong. In morning briefings, she touches his shoulder and in that small room, the scent overwhelms my senses.

I’ve been called out more than once for daydreaming in those meetings. What the Captain doesn’t know is that I am reciting a list of early space missions in my head.

Sometimes, I wonder what she remembers. Does she remember my scent? My taste? Does she even care?

Sigh

Computer, erase log.

[divinemissem13]

30 Days of Prodigy, day 25 - Holo-Janeway

Personal log: Emergency Training Hologram  Go down with the ship. Rule of command #2, I believe. The real Janeway certainly tried enough times. But Chakotay never let it go that far. There was always another solution - one that involved saving the ship and the crew and its captain.  Well, Chakotay, I don’t see another solution this time. But the crew is safe. And I’m not the captain this time, you are . And dammit, you will be safe too. The ship won’t survive - it can’t - not without taking down half the Federation.  But if I can duplicate the conditions of the first spatial rift… and if I can aim the ship just right…  She’ll come for you, Chakotay. Just hold on. … End personal log

Janeway had never done a personal log entry before, and now was certainly a funny time to start. But it felt good to say some of those things out loud. No one would hear it anyway, since the Protostar wasn’t connected to Starfleet’s back-up system. 

And she was about to blow up the ship. 

The hologram closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to center herself (even though she didn’t, technically, breathe), and she tapped her final commands into the captain’s console.

“On my mark,” she commanded the ship with more confidence than she felt. “Ready? 

Go fast.” 

The ship obeyed and just as the core hit overload, as she felt the solid ship around her merging into its own amalgamation of photons and lights. As she became one with the Protostar, she whispered her last words.

“We’re coming, Chakotay.”

[quibblingwithwords]

The rain on the roof of my apartment building sounds weirdly...bubbly? Like boiling water in a pot but more muffled. I'm a little worried about the structural integrity of my ceiling. O.o;;

[foreverbuildingcastles]

I really wish there was an easier way to explain to people how one of my favorite stories on earth is an unfinished mpreg AU.

It has so much more than anything I can describe. The love, pain, joy, sorrow, struggle, hope--the emotions overwhelm everything. If the plot wasn’t so effortlessly weaved in every other line, you’d forget it was there with how strongly everything is felt. It’s a storm of feelings in every word. It’s raw with the intensity of feeling. The simple, heartbreaking humanity of the story reminds me what it means to be alive, to live, to just be. I reread it annually and find myself reacting just as strongly as I did the first time I read it.

[foreverbuildingcastles]

I used to not understand what people meant when they said it was hard to make friends as an adult. Now I get it. They were talking about real, close friends. I have absolutely no clue how people become close friends as an adult.

[foreverbuildingcastles]

I have severely under-appreciated the amazing roommates I’ve had in the past.

[foreverbuildingcastles]

I have a blog theme and title!!!!!

This is huge news, it takes me forever to decide on anything but this is a huge step! Now I feel like I can actually start blogging properly! Now that I’ve made one, there’s nothing stopping me from making ALL THE BLOGS.

Feel free to check it out-I’ll be posting the first entry explaining why that theme soon!

https://foreverbuildingcastles.wordpress.com/

[foreverbuildingcastles]

I have fallen into a rainjoy-fic-hole and I’m not trying too hard to pull myself out.