This meditation is one that I do when I feel out of balance and out of touch with myself for whatever reason. Be it too much work, too much stress, or what have you. Get a notebook or a piece of paper for after the meditation is over, as you’ll be asking yourself some questions during this meditation.
*Start by getting comfortable (for me I light incense, turn on some soft music, close the blinds and maybe light a candle, depending on how I’m feeling) and sit.
Breath slowly, in deep even breaths, fix your eyes on a single point on the wall and just listen, and feel. *Focus on your heartbeat, as it is the natural rhythm of your body. What better way to get back in sync and in touch with yourself than by listening to that?
Try to time your breathing with your heartbeat, and once you feel they are synced, close your eyes.
As this is an introspective meditation, ask yourself these questions but do not focus too much on finding the answers.
As you ask yourself each question, allow a minute or two for the answers to come to you.
How do you spend your time? Do you spend it wisely? Do you take time to take care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically?
Do you take anything for granted? Things, people, pets, a job or the like?
Are you getting enough sleep? Eating enough?
Are you true to yourself and your beliefs? Do you adhere to the guidelines and standards you set for yourself?
Am I achieving the goals I set for myself?
Do I let matters outside my control stress me out?
*After you’ve let the answer to each question come to you, write the answers down. Now get comfortable again, and settle back in to your meditative, relaxed state. Now is the time to answer the questions for yourself, and when you do, if you answered any of them with a ‘no’ answer them now with a way to adjust or fix the issues.
I've been doing some meditations on each ogham fid, or letter, and I thought I'd post them here. The translations for each fid and their keyword come from Erynn Rowan Laurie's Ogam: Weaving Word Wisdom. Everything else is my own thought.
(Note, there's some inconsistencies in my writing, as I only wrote summaries of my meditations in my journal for Beith, Fern, and Sail, and Lus and Nin I didn't write down at all and had to redo. The fifteen letters after this one will be more consistent.)
Beith - B
(bayth)
Meaning: Birch
Keyword: Purification
What are the benefits of cleanliness? It helps prevent you from getting sick, of course, but also it has great effects on the mind. Clear spaces help me think more easily, and I remember how eager I was to shower again when I couldn't for three weeks after top surgery!
Spiritual cleanliness is also helpful. Energetic residue can interfere with one's day. I know from first hand experience that not grounding properly before and after trance can leave me in a state very similar to sub drop. House spirits also like it when the house is clean!
However, I mostly associate purity with negative things. Sterile environments are very difficult and costly to maintain, and should in my opinion be reserved for those who need it most. Trying to cultivate a "pure" spiritual practice leads very quickly to folkism and white supremacy.
Like many things, it comes down to balance.
Lus - L
(loosh)
Meaning: Herb or Flame
Keyword: Inspiration
Inspiration, from the herb or the flame. Awen. Imbas. Flow state. Making. It all feels so easy, then. Orange yellow flame. Fire in the head. Spirit above. Inspiration comes easily to me. I'm an ideas guy.
How does one seek inspiration? By experiencing. Each experience or piece of art is like striking flint. Eventually, there's a spark.
Experience. Take in the senses. Be in the world. Share art. Lower inhibitions where it's safe. Feel.
Life. The inner spark, the mysterious thing that took a soup of hydrocarbons and made it alive. Every cell has an inner fire, is burning fuel for energy.
Spark. Flame. Imbas. Inner drive. Life and consciousness. Creation is inspiration and thought made manifest. Feel. Spark. Plan. Make. Reflect. Water, fire, air, earth, water again.
Inspiration is the beginning. The call. We must all start somewhere.
Fern - F
(fairn)
Meaning: Alder
Keyword: Protection
The protection of Fern is often necessary. Think of bundling up in the winter to protect from the cold, or sunscreen to protect from UV rays. People protect themselves from others by altering their behaviour based on who they're interacting with. This includes masking as neurodivergent people.
However, there are restrictions to having shields up at all times. Warm clothing restricts movement. In order to bond with people, there is some amount of vulnerability required. Having safe spaces where shields can be let down, like a warm house, are necessary.
Sail - S
(sahl)
Meaning: Willow
Keyword: Flow
Going with the flow is not always helpful. Sometimes, resistance is necessary. I think about Nuada allowing for the tyranny of the Fomorians before the coming of Lugh. However, surviving is also resistance, sometimes! Perhaps sometimes people need to wait for the right moment to act. That discernment is often difficult.
And really, how good does it feel to stop trying to do what I think I should be doing and just be? To stop fighting my weaknesses and play to my strengths? Going with the flow of nature does and has felt so, so good.
Nin - N
(nihn)
Meaning: Letters or Support
Keyword: Connection
Connection. Contract, written, oath given. First numbers and letters in human language were to make accounts for trade. The weaver's beam. We are social creatures. We need each other. We are stronger together. We give and take so many times that it cannot be accounted for. To trust is to not account.
Diplomacy. Marriage. Oath. Family, blood and fostered. Community. I help bring people together. I'm scared of rejection, but I crave connection. I want people to like me the way that I like people.
I want to share and spread joy, to facilitate in the spreading of joy.
A gay bar. Dagda's cauldron. Somewhere to gather. May none leave unsatisfied.
As someone who was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic school for my entire life, researching and focusing on paganism is one of the most difficult things I've done, spiritually, ever. I'm used to rigid frameworks in religion that have existed since before I was born. I'm used to those rigid frameworks being easily accessed through teachers, libraries, the Catechism of the Catholic Church that I think still sits under my desk at home.
Now, I'm struggling to find threads of information that have been obscured for thousands of years. There are so many currents in paganism that I'm honestly not sure where or how to start. Should I stick to one tradition, from one geographic area? Or multiple traditions? How do I find the rules? Are there rules?
Part of paganism seems to be separating from this idea that my spirituality has to be defined by and with an outside source. It's an idea with which I've always struggled: am I good enough? am I sick enough? am I pagan enough? By what yardstick do I measure?
So maybe this process of becoming pagan (or at least, un-Catholic) is a process of becoming myself. Learning to trust myself and what I think. There is no good enough, sick enough, pagan enough. There is me, and what I think, and I am the best and most reliable authority on myself. But I still don't know who or how I want to be.
Feel challenged, but accept the challenge. Know when to break down the insecurity. Constantly remind yourself of what is logical. Breathe. Allow yourself to let go.
I love being in a place where I can hear the call to prayer several times every day. When we left Indonesia, that's what I missed most -- how I would be going about my business and suddenly hear a voice raised over the city, distant and echoing, sometimes very nearby, beginning a call that was echoed by tens, hundreds of other voices, one muzzein for each mosque. It's ethereal, sometimes supernatural, and a very direct reminder of divinity. It makes me feel lonely, but in a good way.
