Hi there! I'm Ronnie, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm starting this blog because I have a need to express some of my thoughts as a new Pagan, and a desire to find a community.
I'm on an uncertain path, but I feel a distinct draw towards Druidry and intend to be an AODA candidate soon. I have a love of myth and story. I want to reconnect to nature. I want to become a better person.
Possible things that will come up in this blog include:
Tarot readings
European deities
Rituals
Magic and art
History of druidry and modern western paganism
Marriage and parenthood
My position as both an immigrant and white settler
I have been writing my meditations on the ogham feda, or letters, and I've found it a very valuable experience, so I wanted to share my thoughts.
The meanings, keywords, and pronunciations of each letter is from Erynn Rowan Laurie's book Ogam: Weaving Word Wisdom. Everything else is my own.
hĆath - H
(oo-uth)
Meaning: Terror
Keyword: Despair
Fear and despair are both things that stop movement, for me. Terror tries to activate movement through the fight or flight response, but there is also freeze. I think of when I went through my crisis in 2014-15 after a lifetime of depression. Was my body trying subconsciously to inspire action through fear? In some ways, it worked, because I finally got help. However, the fear was also so intense that I had trouble doing basic things like sleeping.
Fear is a method of protection. However, risk is inherent in many aspects of life. We must take risks. We even get dopamine from facing our fears successfully, which is why some people thrill-seek. Fear, thrill, excitement, desire... they are all so closely connected.
How do I work with fear as a partner? How do I acknowledge fear and then decide for myself if I want to move forward? How do I allow myself to fear, to scream all the way down the roller-coaster?
hĆath is the mark of the Morrigan.
May she guide me through the terrors of battle to righteous victory.
Dair - D
(dar)
Meaning: Oak
Keyword: Strength
Strength of the oak. Strength of the druid. Strength of the lion. Strength of the maiden.
Strength of the oak to grow tall, to grow in light, where other tree have not yet gone, to grow old, with deep roots, to grow hard and sturdy wood used only by master crafters, for doors and houses to last generations.
Strength of the druid, in touch with the spirits of the land, who has forged knowledge and lived experience into wisdom.
Strength of the maiden, master of her own mind, sovereign of her own self, beholden to no one. She who embraces the wildness of the self, lets it be wild, lets herself be wild, but also calms the wildness, the anger, the frenzy.
Compassion is strength. Gentleness is strength. Living is strength. Scars do not diminish strength.
Perhaps Dair is the mark of the Dagda to me. Perhaps Dair is the roots of the oak in my gut, supporting the fire in my heart.
Tinne - T
(CHIN-uh)
Meaning: Ingot (bar of metal)
Keyword: Mastery
Mastery. Could be a symbol of Lugh, Master of All Arts. The ingot. The forge. Skills that seem like magic. Skills are magic.
What does it mean to be a master? It's not perfection, which is impossible. Is it the ability to teach others? Maybe, but not necessarily. It's a level of skill, hard to measure. But it feel good. You may not know where the peak of a mountain is, but at some point you see the vista. See how far you have come.
It's something you build up to. There must be joy as well as challenge. Challenge without joy is suffering. Joy without challenge eventually loses its meaning, becomes boredom. Balanced, you feel joy in reaching higher each time, and struggles aren't crushing.
Lugh, may I find this balance. May I continue to reach ever higher.
Coll - C
(kull)
Meaning: Hazel
Keyword: Wisdom
Wisdom, nine rivers, nine hazel trees, the salmon in the pool. Mastery vs wisdom. Mastery of skill, earth of air, wisdom of the heart, water of air. Master of skills, wisdom of... ethics? Philosophy? Things you know, but more than know. Things one embodies, acts out every day. Experience.
Wisdom is the calm waters of the pool. Wisdom connects to the heart, the subconscious, the Otherworld. Psychology and spirituality are often linked. The human mind is a vast and mysterious place.
I can be wise and struggle to embody wisdom. That is being human.
Wisdom and inspiration are connected through the story of Taliesin and Cerridwen. Fire and water, things that should mix mixing. How are they similar and different? I'm not sure. Perhaps next time.
Ceirt - Q
(kyert)
Meaning: Rag or Shrub
Keyword: Misfortune
Misfortune. Sometimes bad things just happen! Sometimes things are out of our control. We tie clooties on trees, we pray, we try to blame ourselves, but sometimes it doesn't work. I think Picard once said "Sometimes you still fail, even if you do everything right."
Mental illness. Even when we are able to change ourselves, it is a slow thing, not linear. Sometimes it seems like all of our work is undone. "Brain does what it wants," I've said.
But this is only sometimes! When we ride out the storms, eventually the sun comes out again. If not, get help in what ways you can.
There are some things you can change, and some things you can't. It's against our nature, us homo sapiens, so good at thinking, but we need to let go of the things we can't change and focus on the things we can.
I've been doing some meditations on each ogham fid, or letter, and I thought I'd post them here. The translations for each fid and their keyword come from Erynn Rowan Laurie's Ogam: Weaving Word Wisdom. Everything else is my own thought.
(Note, there's some inconsistencies in my writing, as I only wrote summaries of my meditations in my journal for Beith, Fern, and Sail, and Lus and Nin I didn't write down at all and had to redo. The fifteen letters after this one will be more consistent.)
Beith - B
(bayth)
Meaning: Birch
Keyword: Purification
What are the benefits of cleanliness? It helps prevent you from getting sick, of course, but also it has great effects on the mind. Clear spaces help me think more easily, and I remember how eager I was to shower again when I couldn't for three weeks after top surgery!
Spiritual cleanliness is also helpful. Energetic residue can interfere with one's day. I know from first hand experience that not grounding properly before and after trance can leave me in a state very similar to sub drop. House spirits also like it when the house is clean!
However, I mostly associate purity with negative things. Sterile environments are very difficult and costly to maintain, and should in my opinion be reserved for those who need it most. Trying to cultivate a "pure" spiritual practice leads very quickly to folkism and white supremacy.
Like many things, it comes down to balance.
Lus - L
(loosh)
Meaning: Herb or Flame
Keyword: Inspiration
Inspiration, from the herb or the flame. Awen. Imbas. Flow state. Making. It all feels so easy, then. Orange yellow flame. Fire in the head. Spirit above. Inspiration comes easily to me. I'm an ideas guy.
How does one seek inspiration? By experiencing. Each experience or piece of art is like striking flint. Eventually, there's a spark.
Experience. Take in the senses. Be in the world. Share art. Lower inhibitions where it's safe. Feel.
Life. The inner spark, the mysterious thing that took a soup of hydrocarbons and made it alive. Every cell has an inner fire, is burning fuel for energy.
Spark. Flame. Imbas. Inner drive. Life and consciousness. Creation is inspiration and thought made manifest. Feel. Spark. Plan. Make. Reflect. Water, fire, air, earth, water again.
Inspiration is the beginning. The call. We must all start somewhere.
Fern - F
(fairn)
Meaning: Alder
Keyword: Protection
The protection of Fern is often necessary. Think of bundling up in the winter to protect from the cold, or sunscreen to protect from UV rays. People protect themselves from others by altering their behaviour based on who they're interacting with. This includes masking as neurodivergent people.
However, there are restrictions to having shields up at all times. Warm clothing restricts movement. In order to bond with people, there is some amount of vulnerability required. Having safe spaces where shields can be let down, like a warm house, are necessary.
Sail - S
(sahl)
Meaning: Willow
Keyword: Flow
Going with the flow is not always helpful. Sometimes, resistance is necessary. I think about Nuada allowing for the tyranny of the Fomorians before the coming of Lugh. However, surviving is also resistance, sometimes! Perhaps sometimes people need to wait for the right moment to act. That discernment is often difficult.
And really, how good does it feel to stop trying to do what I think I should be doing and just be? To stop fighting my weaknesses and play to my strengths? Going with the flow of nature does and has felt so, so good.
Nin - N
(nihn)
Meaning: Letters or Support
Keyword: Connection
Connection. Contract, written, oath given. First numbers and letters in human language were to make accounts for trade. The weaver's beam. We are social creatures. We need each other. We are stronger together. We give and take so many times that it cannot be accounted for. To trust is to not account.
Diplomacy. Marriage. Oath. Family, blood and fostered. Community. I help bring people together. I'm scared of rejection, but I crave connection. I want people to like me the way that I like people.
I want to share and spread joy, to facilitate in the spreading of joy.
A gay bar. Dagda's cauldron. Somewhere to gather. May none leave unsatisfied.
The first encounter I had with the ogham letter called Ruis was when I was doing an ogham "reading challenge", where over two weeks (which ended up being more like three months) I interspersed asking my ogham different questions with reading and making notes about different letters. For Day 1, I asked my set what my strengths were and drew three tiles. I drew Nin, Edad, and Ruis. Nin is about connections between people and the ways those are fostered. Edad is the vehicle for spiritual journeys and insights. Ruis, however, is passion.
Ruis, representing the same sound as the letter R, translates to "Redness". Red is a symbol of strength and prowess in Irish mythology and folklore. The powerful battle frenzy of CĆŗ Chulainn is described as a red halo. In similar veins, Ruis represents every facet of passion, from ecstasy and devotion to shame and rage.
As I have mentioned before in previous blog posts, I am embarrassed by my more "fiery" nature. My sun sign is Leo, which I associate with some good things, including creativity and generosity. However, my moon sign and rising sign are both in Aries, which I mostly only associate with brashness and anger and force. The colour of Aries is also red.
The piece of art that I drew above is a self-portrait trying to embrace those elements. In the traditional bird ogham, Ruis is associated with the rook, and in the tree/plant ogham, it is associated with bogberry. I portrayed these with their North American counterparts, the American Crow and American Cranberry. I also personally associate Ruis with the fox, a red creature who also lives close to humans.
I hope that the reminder of my own power through Ruis, of devotion, sexuality, anger in pursuit of justice, and the motivation of personal passion, will help to dispel my shame and fear of falling into rage and abusive behavior.
Maybe I'll start to wear a little more red!
(Note: I use the interpretation of the Ogham from Erynn Rowan Laurie's book Ogam: Weaving Word Wisdom)
I recently turned 30, hooray! And one of the gifts I received was the Tarot Mucha, a very beautiful deck inspired by Alfonse Mucha's art. So today I decided to do a basic mind/body/spirit reading, asking the deck how I can embody positive masculinity.
(from right to left) I got Seven of Cups for mind, Nine of Cups for body, and Six of Pentacles for spirit.
The first two were fairly simple reads for me. I agonize over ways to embody masculinity in a positive way, and the Seven of Cups is suggesting that there are many ways to do it "right" and that I can take my time in choosing. The Nine of Cups reflects how satisfied I am with my body in reflecting the kind of masculinity I want. I will wonder idly about bottom surgery, but I've truly taken all the steps in my physical/medical transition that I want and need.
The last card is the most curious to me, because I've gotten the Six of Pentacles in the spirit position once before, using a different deck. It made me curious. Where does it want me to give more in my spiritual life? I've only been on the pagan path for about a year and a half! I am still very much a student!
After talking to a couple people, I started to shuffle to pull a clarifying card, and what should pop out the deck but the King of Wands! The King of Wands is associated with my sun sign, Leo, and it represents many things that I feel drawn to (leadership, mentorship, inspiring others, sharing vision) as well as many things I fear (tyranny, being too loud, taking up too much space.
When doing drawings, I often will look at the card on the bottom of my deck as a representation of shadow aspects or hidden aspects. This time, the shadow is represented by Strength, which is ANOTHER Leo card! It seems to be suggesting that my fears of being insufficient or toxic are unfounded, and that I have the strength to lead, to inspire, to share.
All in all, this has been a very interesting draw! I have much to consider, but I thought I would start by sharing my experience here. I hope you all found something interesting in it!
Jack of all Trades, Master of...All? - A Guide to Lugh
Lugh, Lugus, Lug, of the Long Arm, Master of Skills, he goes by many names. Have you heard about this Celtic God?
Read to find out more!
This is an educational post about Lugh, it will start with history and mythology and at the end I will put modern day correspondences and such. Links provided for more reading!
(Photo Cred: Unkown)
Who is Lugh?
Lugh is an Irish deity who is known to be associated with lightning, craftmanship, as well as many more skills (all of them, actually). He really is a master of all trades.
Lugh is not a Sun God but many people use the sun as a symbol for him or associate him with the sun. This is in part because of his name being translated to "light", though that isn't the only possible translation of his name.
However, the idea that he is a sun god comes from an outdated Victorian-era ideology. The anthropologists of the time were convinced that at the root of all pantheons and mythology there must be a sun god. They were obsessed with a solar system based pattern in mythology.
For the Irish, though, their gods are less transcendent (like above all else) and more human-like than other mythology. Irish deities are more a part of the world rather than above it all.
The author of this post explains it very well, if you have more questions about this please check out their article!
In short: It is not wrong for you to associate him with the sun, but he is not a Sun God.
Etymology
The name Lugh (or Lug) was a popular name in ancient times. Some say the name derives from a Proto-Indo-European root "lewgh-" which means āto bind by oath.ā Possibly indicative of the role he plays in oath making and promises. Some say it could mean "Light" though many scholars believe this to be unlikely.
He had many names and titles, however, his most known title was LĆ”mfada, meaning āOf the Long Arm,ā which was a reference to the length of his spear and that it was like it was a part of him (like an arm). It could also be translated as "artful hands" which references his abilities and skills in creation, craftmanship, and the arts.
Though his birth parents are known, many argue the identity of his foster parents; The Irish sea god ManannƔn mac Lir, Tailtiu, Queen of the Firbolg, and Goibniu, god of the smiths, have all been suggested to be Lugh's foster parents.
Mythology
Rough Start
After being told that his grandson would kill him in the future, The King of Balor locked his daughter, Ethniu, up to keep her from seeing Cian (her lover) again.
However, the two met up anyways and had triplets, one of them was Lugh.
Ethniu's father was furious and planned to have the children killed. Two of them died and the surviving child was Lugh. He fell into the water and was rescued by BirĆ³g who took him to Cian.
Lugh would later be given to a foster parent (one of those mentioned above) who would protect and raise him.
Ladies' Man
Lugh had multiple wives, including BuĆ, Buach, NĆ”s, daughters of Ruadri (King of Britain), Echtach, Englic, and Rosmerta.
Like Father Like Son
Of his sons, the most famous child he produced was with a mortal named Deichtine. Together they created CĆŗ Chulainn, known as the hero of the Ulster saga.
Lugh is stopped by a guard and told that, unless he had a skill that would be useful to the king, he would not be allowed to enter.
Lugh then begins listing skills he has mastered, which includes but are not limited to: a smith, a wright, a craftsman, a swordsman, a harpist, a poet, a historian, a sorcerer, a physician, as well as a champion,
Alas, he is told that the king has people for all of those skills and is about to be turned away.
Finally, Lugh asks if the King has a person who is skilled in all of those things.
The guard goes to the king and asks. Once he comes back he allows Lugh to enter with the King's permission.
High King of Ireland
During a battle against the King of Balor (Lugh's maternal grandfather), Nuada is killed by Balor. Lugh faces off against his grandfather and kills him with a slingshot as revenge for Nuada.
He offers to spare Bres' life in exchange for all of the secrets Bres has about the land, including when to plough, sow, and reap crops.
After the war Lugh is pronounced the High King of Ireland and rules for many years.
(Later Lugh would kill off Bres, but he spared his life at the battle and therefore kept his word)
Death (...?)
After finding out that his wife had an affair with Cermait, son of the Dagda, Lugh killed Cermait in anger.
Cermait's three sons were furious and swore vengeance on Lugh. They captured and drowned Lugh.
(Ironic that he came into this world and survived drowning only to die by it later in life...sorry Lugh)
Lugh had ruled for over 40 years as the king.
That being said, Deities are not like humans. Death is not the end for them.
Extras
Julius Caesar commented on Lugh, noticing his importance as a god to the Celtic people.
Some equate Lugh to the Nordic Odin or the Roman Mercury.
There are many more stories about Lugh but I compiled the most important ones to his character here.
If you'd like to find out more, here are some references you could read:
Mythopedia-Lugh
Wikipedia-Lugh
World History-Lugh
Britiannica-Lugus
The Celtic Journey - Lugh, Master of Skills
Learn Religions- Lugh, the Celtic Craftsman God
Sadly we don't have a lot of context or stories from the ancient Celts so most of these myths and legends are reconstructed using the knowledge and understanding we have of the culture and times.
Correspondences
Weapons
A spear
A slingshot
Fragarach; "The Answerer", a sword from ManannƔn, his foster father. It had the ability to make anyone that it was pointed at tell the truth
Familiars
Failinis, Lugh's hound
Aenbharr, Lugh's horse
Sguaba Tuinne, the āWind-sweeper,ā a very fast boat
Symbols
Ravens and crows
Lightning
Greyhounds
Horses
Two snakes
The Sun
Holy Days
Lughnasadh, a holiday created for his victory in battle against the the spirits of TĆr na nĆg. He would bless harvest fruit and play games in memory of his foster mother, Tailtiu.
Colors
Warm colors like red, orange, gold, yellow
(I also personally associate him with a mossy green color.)
Offerings
Cinnamon
Candy
Alcohol (ale/cider/mead/wine etc)
A plate of whatever you made for dinner
Music
Blueberries or Blackberries
Some say he enjoys milk and honey!
Bread (preferably if you've made it yourself or if it was handmade)
Honestly, in my experience Lugh's favorite type of offering (as well as most Celtic gods from what I've read) are acts of devotion or something you've crafted yourself.
This doesn't mean you need to paint a mural for him--though I'm sure he'd enjoy that too!--it means anything involving creation. Devote your creative time to him. I like to devote the act of writing on this blog to him sometimes, for example.
End Notes
In my experience Lugh is a kind, sometimes goofy deity--in the sense that he enjoys making jokes and is fairly laid back. Don't speak ill of him or disrespect him, though, no one wants an angry storm god!
Let me know if you have any personal experience with Lugh or if you have some good references to add to this post!
āWe may not have wings or leaves, but we humans do have words. Language is our gift and our responsibility. Iāve come to think of writing as an act of reciprocity with the living land.ā
ā
Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants
I want to learn how to read ogham (it will likely be my Druid focus for my first degree with the Ancient Order of Druids in America), so I decided to make my own set. I cut cross section pieces from a branch pruned from the birch tree in my front yard, sanded the faces, then used my husband's wood burning tool to burn the letters into them.
Then, I lit some incense (I used Frankincense because of its use to sanctify spaces and objects), and I said these prayers/incantations while turning to the south, west, north, and east respectively.
Great beings of the Otherworld, please bless these runes with power and insight.
Ancestors and beloved dead, please bless these runes with power and insight.
Spirits of the land, please bless these runes with power and insight.
By my own strength and will, I bless these runes with power and insight.
Now I'm letting them soak in some sunlight. The moon is associated more with intuition and prophecy in neo-paganism, but I feel like I draw most of my strength from the sun, so I'm trying sunlight first.
This is a piece I wrote for my local writing group for the prompt "Have you ever felt an inexplicable call to do something?" In broad strokes, it covers how I came to be pagan.
About a year ago, sometime around now, which is between the High Holidays of Imbolc and the Spring Equinox, which is sometimes called Ostara, I committed myself as a pagan. I share the same experience that many other pagans not raised in the practice expressed as a feeling of ācoming home.ā In fact, I would go so far as to describe my experience as looking up and realizing I had been home all along.
It feels strange to say that Iām spiritual in our highly materialistic society. We believe in what we can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste, and no more. Considering the number of people who get hurt by believing things without solid evidence, especially when it comes to the physical health of themselves and others, I can understand the desire to stick to that. However, spirituality and materiality is, like most dichotomies, a false one. Instead, my spirituality comes down to, ultimately, believing that there is something else in addition to our material world. I believe there is something else beyond what is in front of us, beyond what our most advanced technology can detect, beyond what we can fully understand. And, while I now use my limited understanding to describe that something as nature spirits, ghosts, ancestors, and gods, I have always believed it was out there. When I was pushed away from Christianity by the harmful politics of fundamentalists, including my parents, I found myself coming back to spirituality again and again, until finally I found my home in neo-paganism.
When I was a teenager, my rebellious phase consisted of sneaking out of the house to look at the stars on the porch and staying up late on weekends to catch that one hour between midnight and one āoā clock when the parental controls were down and I could use the internet to chat with my friends. During that time, I also got an interactive calendar about Greek mythology, which had different tales for each month. On the first month of the calendar, there was a small section that talked about the ancient Greek practice of drawing lots, in which different symbols were drawn on sticks or stones and picked out at random to do anything from divining the future to deciding who was assigned a task. In an envelope below that section was strips of paper with the marks of Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon, and you were encouraged to draw and discover which god you chose. I drew Poseidon, which may explain why I feel such a draw to water and the sea despite a fear of drowning. Or, perhaps, I am simply drawn to the sea because I grew up on the coast. However, the moment stands out in my mind as the first time that I engaged with gods other than the One I was raised to honor and fear.
When I was in university, I was starting to truly distance myself from Christianity. The debate around Proposition 8 in California, which reversed equal marriage rights in the state from 2008 until equal marriage was recognized federally in 2015, had been the catalyst to understanding that the people who wrote and translated the Bible were flawed and that I needed to find out what I believed was good on my own. For a short period, I enjoyed engaging with the religion in a mythic sense, reading biblical texts outside the canon such as the Book of Enoch and learning about different interpretations of angels. However, it was not Gabriel or Michael who I reached out to when I was feeling deeply lonely and lost. Instead, it was Loki.
I wrote a prayer to Loki on a piece of paper and burned it on the balcony of my dorm. I remember being startled by how fast it caught, and had to drop it to avoid burning myself. Calling to Loki, a trickster god, was perhaps not one of my brightest moments, and I never did so again. I can't tell if he intervened in my life, finding the spark that caused me to realize I was nonbinary or that I was no longer in love with my then boyfriend. Perhaps I found those things on my own. What matters is that I was drawn again to other gods in other traditions than the one I was raised in.
What followed university was a long period of not identifying with any particular faith. I flirted with the idea of converting to Islam or Judaism, but I knew somehow that it was not something to jump into. In a favorite fantasy podcast of mine, a paladin who was having a crisis of faith was talking to a different god from the one he was devoted to. The god could tell that the paladin was thinking of devoting himself to him instead, and he discouraged him from doing so. "Try being single for a while," he said. That statement resonated strongly with me. If pressed, I identified as agnostic or perhaps Pantheist, in that I believed that God was in everything, but for about seven or eight years, I was, in a religious sense, single.
During that period, I was aware of neo-paganism, or the practice of earth-centered spirituality influenced by a combination of both eastern and western practices through a broadly European and North American lens (as I understand it). A close friend of my husband and myself is a practicing witch, and my husband was interested in the practice himself and participated in a few rituals. I did not participate out of a misplaced fear of intruding on something sacred, but I sometimes wonder if I was afraid of something else. I wonder if I felt the pull of imminent change and was simply afraid of what would happen if I jumped.
In January of 2021, in honor of the new year, I did a tarot reading. I had been fascinated with tarot ever since I was a teenager and had been working with various decks for years. I reasoned that it was not a magical act so much as tapping into the subconscious through archetypes (very Jungian of me). However, I think the idea that I was doing more than just psychological analysis was nagging at me.
I don't remember what cards I drew at the time, but the message had been clear: commit! And I knew exactly what I was supposed to be committing to. I had been spending years working on finding a steady place with my mental health and my work after graduating university and moving to Canada, and I was finally getting there, but I was noticing a different lack. I was noticing somewhere else where I hadn't been satisfied for a long time. And, I think I finally knew what I needed.
It took a lot of seeking. I listened to podcasts like "Fat Feminist Witch" and "That Witch Life". I watched tiktoks and youtube videos, which led me to reading John Beckett's book The Path of Paganism, which truly opened the doors of my mind and gave me many more resources to follow.
Now, a year later, I would probably call myself a druid. I honor the Earth and its inhabitants, I honor my ancestors, and I honor the Gods, mostly of the Irish Celtic and ancient Greek pantheons. I believe that everything in the universe has a spirit and has sovereignty, and that evil originates in the denial of that sovereignty. I believe that when I die, I will spend some time in that strange place not quite outside our known universe, then at some point, somehow, I will re-enter it as someone else.
Now that I've entered my new spirituality, it's easy to see that I've always been a highly spiritual person. I've always been bursting with love for people, whether I'm in a relationship or not, and much the same applies to my spirituality whether or not I'm actively affiliated with any group. I've always looked at the stars, the sea, the forests, and so much of the world around me with wonder. I've always felt a longing for connection with something beyond my understanding. As a creative person, it could even be said that I have always been doing magic.
So, in some ways, I never left home. It has always been with me. All I needed to do was open the door of my heart and let it in.
I went to a pagan friend's place for winter solstice, which was a wonderful experience. They have been practicing much longer than I, but because of my own reticence to participate (I think because I was denying my calling) I hadn't actually witnessed one of their rituals before.
Whereas my husband and I are much drawn to the path of Druidry, our friend's practice is closer to the Wiccan side of witchcraft. There is very significant crossover between the two practices (the founders of Wicca and the Order of Bards Ovates and Druids were even close friends), but one thing associated very strongly with Wicca in particular is a reverence for the God and Goddess and a focus on their polarity, sometimes reduced to a gender binary. I trusted our friend to be sensitive, but when it came time to invoke the God and Goddess, I still found myself uncertain of how much I would resonate with it.
In the end, I chose to read the invocation of the God. I reasoned that I wanted to affirm my newfound masculinity, as someone who has lived as nonbinary for seven years before realizing I was a trans man. Perhaps I wanted the God to recognize me as one of His own. In a way, it was exactly that. In a way, it was more.
See, the God is the Sun. I am a Leo sun, with an Aries moon and Aries rising for even more fire. Fire represents a great deal of what I am. I am passionate, creative, energetic, an active mind. I am full of feeling, full of thought. However, you would not necessarily know that from meeting me in person. I am very soft spoken, if I speak at all, and often I give the impression that I am closed off or simply empty-headed. Since I was young, I have felt like I was too much. I spoke too much and too loudly, I felt too much, thought too much. To counter that, I withdrew into myself, made myself small, made myself invisible.
Many of the things that I feel make me too much are parts of myself that I connect to masculinity, which is a big part of why I struggle so much with the truth that I am male. I do not want to be the kind of guy who speaks over others, who does not share space, who values himself more than those around him. I fear becoming that man more than anything.
However, masculinity does not need to be that. Fire aspect does not need to be only something that burns and consumes without control. It can be warming, life-giving, life-preserving, a tool of great transformation. Without it, our lives would be much more difficult. Without the sun, this great ball of nuclear fire in the sky, our lives would not be possible at all.
These are all things I felt when I invoked the God and called down the sun. It felt weighty, but not like a burden. It felt powerful. It felt affirming.
It was a powerful experience, and I hope that it is a sign of only more growth for me in the future. I am grateful to my friend for leading the ritual, and as my first year as a committed pagan comes to a close, I am more than happy that this is the path I chose.
This meditation should be done in the evening or in the night before Yule (20th December). Before the meditation, take a candle, put it on your altar and light it. Only one candle should burn. Be sure that you turn off all other lights; it should be completely dark in the room, or in the place where you are. Relax. Whether you are indoors or outdoors, imagine that you are outside - it is snowing and everything around you is white. Feel the chillness of the falling snow; see how it purifies you. Although the snowflakes are small, they do have certain power, their energy is strong. After you have been purified, you notice there is a fire near you. You quickly go there. The fire is the only source of light and warmth. Think about the importance of fire and what would happen if it was quenched. Enjoy in the sensation of the light and warmth it gives. When you are ready, open your eyes.
The fire in the meditation and the candle on your altar are the symbols of the Sun. The darkness in your place represents the longest night during the Yule. Although the candle or fire cannot completely lighten the place, their importance and power is unquestionable. The same goes for the sun during the winter - it may be weaker than usual, but it is still strong and its importance is great. Especially because after this holiday, it will again grow stronger and eventually it will bring us the warmth of the spring and the summer. This night is the night when the Sun is born.
Sacred Circle
If you have a habit of drawing the circle, now it is time to do so. I would write the words I usually use, but since they are not on English, it sounds a bit silly when translated. It is important that you visualise and feel your sacred and safe space.
Consecrating the Circle with the Elements
After you have drawn your Sacred Circle, it is time to consecrate it with the Four Elements. Take symbols of the elements and with the each one walk inside the circle 3 times (3x4) blessing it with your own choice of words.
These could be suitable representations for the Elements:
Earth: stones, dirt, crystals...
Air: incense, knife/sword, feather...
Fire: candle, lighter...
Water: sprinkling water, glass, shells...
Invocation
"Cerridwen, Arawn, MorrĆgan,
Welcome to the Sun's birthday!
The darkness we have endured, and from the cold we were saved,
So, now it is the time for Alban Arthan to be celebrated.
Ancestors and nature spirits, I invite you too,
Join the ritual and with your presence bless us, I beg all of you.
Welcome!"
Celebration
Giving thanks to the deities, ancestors and the nature spirits
"The Magical Orange"
Divination
Feast and celebration - eating and drinking, listening to some music that we find suitable for the holiday we are celebrating, dancing etc.
- The Magical Orange -
Ingredients: Orange and cloves
Visualise that the orange in your hands is the magical sun, which radiates warmth and magical energy. Now, you should "pour" in it the energies *you* want it to radiate. You are doing it in order to attract things you want in the next light half of the year. While thinking about the energies, take the cloves and stick them in the orange and visualise that the energy is entering more easily. You could stick the cloves in such way that it can form a certain symbol - I will make the symbol of the sun.
Closing
Giving thanks and bidding a farewell to the deities, ancestors and the nature spirits, giving thanks to the Elements and after that closing the sacred circle, if you previously have drawn it.
Over the summer, I had a kind of spiritual retreat with my husband to his parentsā cottage. We spent time in nature, used the tiny, barrel-like sauna, and I read some of All Acts of Love: Inclusive Wicca. I was pondering a section of the book that spoke of the inherent misogyny and racism involved in portraying darkness as evil.
Hereās what I wrote in my journal:
Darkness and death is not evil. It is feared because it is unknown. This can be applied to race as well. White people segregate themselves from other races and do not know people of colour, creating stories out of what they fear. Getting to know people of colour helps build knowledge and dispel fear.
(Note: Iām not advocating for making friends with people of colour with the goal of personal growth, and certainly not bugging people who may have better things to do than have a white person try to be friendly at them!)
What I fear is suffering. This is different from enduring challenge, because suffering is reasonless. There is no challenge or growth. They simply happen. Enduring the evil of humanity, even if the people have reasons for coming to this act of evil, can also be considered suffering.
Evil can only be enacted by humans or other sentient, sapient beings. It is the active denial of another beingās sovereignty.
I find this definition of evil to be interesting. It is not perfect; I included the word āactiveā to try to draw a line between, for instance, the murder of a human by another human and the killing of a human by a hungry animal. The first one would be evil, and the second one simply a facet of nature, where one needs to consume life to perpetuate their own life. However, the use of the word āactiveā may also excuse the evil of inaction, such as not aiding someone in need. It may also excuse the harm done without knowledge or intention, which still requires reparations even if the actions are not quite evil.
However, I quite like this definition in terms of encompassing a number of things that I and people I know would consider to be evil. Obviously, murder and sexual assault are evil. Other forms of abuse are evil. Killing other living things for food is not evil, but factory farming is. If one considers the Earth itself to be a living thing with sovereignty (and I do), then fracking and other things that harm the environment are evil.
I think the most important thing to note here is that that evil is something someone does, not something someone is. Humans and other sentient, sapient beings are unique in that our awareness and free will allows us to enact evil things, but we are not inherently evil, nor do we at some point become evil. While I do believe that someoneās actions may damage their relationships beyond repair and that people can refuse to acknowledge evil that they have done and even continue to do those evil things, I also believe that everyone has the potential to recover from the evil they have done and do better in the future.
Iām interested in building upon this idea in the future, and may do some reading on the topic. I know in theory that my idea of evil builds upon centuries of ideas, most likely western, but Iām not sure where exactly they came from. I will write updates as things progress!
(Ritual itself below the readmore)
So, my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. More accurately, my husband is trying to get pregnant, and since we have to use donor sperm because we canāt mash our gametes together the old-fashioned way (weāre both trans), Iām basically only present for the insemination as morale support.
Long story short, thereās a two week period between insemination at the fertility clinic and the point at which any pregnancy tests would be able to come back positive. During that period, my husband started doing a ritual every day, and I joined in. Our first attempt didnāt take, so for the second attempt, he asked me to use my skills in writing rituals to sort of formalize what he was already doing.
There is a chance that none of the spirits or entities we call upon will answer. We donāt offer anything specific beyond libations as basic hospitality and the promise that we wonāt raise an asshole. However, it would be worse to promise more than we can offer in order to catch someoneās attention and end up not keeping those promises. If someone does answer our call and then comes back later to ask a favor, we have the right to refuse or negotiate terms just as much as they did when we asked, even if it means we wonāt get their help again.
All that said, letās get to the ritual!
The items we use include:
Two small bells
Incense and holder (and lighter)
Red wine or other nice beverage
Cup or offering bowl
We use all of these because of our connection to them in use for other rituals, but the only things you really need are the libation and the cup. Some spirits and entities even just appreciate some nice clean water. Just donāt leave nothing! Be a good host, or no oneās going to come visit!
For the ritual, one person rings both of the bells, then lights the incense. While they hold the cup or offering bowl over the smoke to cleanse it, the second person speaks aloud:
Ancestors, beloved dead, spirits of the land, great beings of the Otherworld, please bless us with your presence and hear our plea. Ancestors, beloved dead, spirits of the land, great beings of the Otherworld, hail and welcome.
We request aid in the creation of new life. As egg and sperm join and find home in the womb, we request that the joining be fruitful and the home rich and welcoming.
Should the joining be fruitful and the home welcoming and this new life be brought into the world, we shall raise them well to be an honorable and virtuous person. They will know how to respect the land and all that lives upon it.
The first person opens the wine and pours it into the cup or bowl. If they wish, they may wave the incense smoke over the cup to cleanse the wine. While they do so, the second person speaks aloud:
Ancestors, beloved dead, spirits of the land, great beings of the Otherworld, thank you for hearing our plea. Please accept this offering of hospitality given in honor and love. Drink your fill and we will return what you have left to the earth to aid the soil in nurturing new life as you may aid us in nurturing new life. So shall we repeat our request and give hospitality each day until we receive news of this monthās results.Ā
Feel free to pause for a moment in silence here. Then, the second person speaks aloud:
Ancestors, beloved dead, spirits of the land, great beings of the Otherworld, thank you for your presence and your blessings. May there be peace and honor between us now and forever. Hail and farewell.
The first person then puts out the incense and rings both bells one last time.
