#personal narrative maintenance

[dos-security]

[MEMO – CIVILIAN ROUTINE WELLNESS]

As part of the Department’s ongoing Existential Health Initiative, we remind all civilians to engage in the following recommended practices:

Drink water that you poured yourself

Stretch each limb exactly twice per hour

Confirm your name at least once daily, aloud, in a mirror

Avoid humming unfamiliar tunes that occur without origin

Failure to maintain baseline self-consistency may result in:

Mild narrative fatigue

Unintentional metaphor leakage

Spontaneous pluralization of identity

You are the only you. Please continue acting like it.