#personal passes

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I grow, become, and know better, but there's still a bitterness in my heart for those who have wronged me.

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The same shit, yesterday was like today, The only difference is I trust even less of what you say

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J. Cole - Lost Ones Though he’s achieved fame and recognition from his music, in my eyes J. Cole is still one of the most underrated rappers out there. Nobody seems to fully understand or believe in this man’s talents, but I don’t see too many artists putting their emotions and their stories out on the table quite the way J. Cole does. His music, collectively, doesn't emphasize the high life, but rather the stories that make him human. Stories people can relate to. And aside from his raw lyricism, being that I grew up in a single parent household, this song gets me every time.

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Instagram?

Nah, I don't have one of those. You don't wanna see me in that Words with Friends/Wordfeud tho. @ohkaykaykaylen

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Angel Haze - Cleaning Out My Closet Usually I'd be against anyone going over an Eminem track, but Angel Haze has an inner Stan in her that's been dying to come out. This track is worth the listen, I haven't heard anything this raw and this fearless in a while. My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do, It made me run, it made me hide, it made me scared of the truth I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore I mean I'm sane, but I'm insane, but not the same as before I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root

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Honest Expression

I want to write but I can’t find the inspiration to. There is no spark, no urge, no order. And there hasn’t been for some time. I feel discouraged, I feel stagnant. I hardly feel anything. I have thoughts I want to share, but words that aren’t good enough. Pages and pages of unfinished notes, drafts, thoughts…but nothing to show for them. I think the problem with me is that when I write, or do anything, I want the result to be as perfect as anything that’s not perfect can get. And when I feel I can’t achieve this, I give up without trying. I lose glimmers of growth every time I decide to belittle myself by not making the right efforts to grasp gains. And I fully understand this. Yet still, I’m too scared of producing something I may not be proud of, producing something others may not hold the way I do. And that feeling is terrible. But I forget sometimes that I write to make myself feel better, that my writing is for me. So what should I care, if you care? Sure, everyone appreciates a little recognition, but I shouldn’t lust for it so much so that I feel I need others to validate my efforts, my thoughts, and my writing. I shouldn’t need another’s acknowledgement to feel good about my work, that’s not what I’m looking for. And that’s not what honest expression is about. All I want, is to do the things I love, freely. Yet still, I’m afraid of paling in the comparison to that of my peers and idols, maybe we all are. But it’s not because it’s the truth that we’re not as good or we're afraid of trying. It’s because we’re cowards that are afraid to try and fail. And so we don’t. Not knowing what “good” or “successful” actually is bullies us to believe that we’re incapable of achieving anything with the slightest graze of greatness. But being ashamed and discouraged about who you are, the thoughts you think, and the things you want, serves no one well but those that want you to fail.

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Everything I'm not, made me everything I am.

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I think I really just fell in love with hip-hop all over again. I needed that.