#personal ro. post.

[phooeyonyou]

look... I KNOW that isolating yourself when you're grieving is not a healthy coping mechanism...

but at the time... THAT WAS WHAT I DECIDED TO DO.

I re-read my threads from 2019-2020 in the dt fandom and i can see the change ... i was so full of life in 2018. so happy.

But my entire life from 2017- 2020 was spent Caregiving and careing about myself felt SELFISH.

roleplay was my one outlet and my one source of happiness so of course, i decided to be unhealthy and dive into that instead of actually processing things.

I had been silent with everyone - no discord or tumblr messages to anyone for about 2 weeks... then i slowly moved to talking with people I felt SAFE talking to.

he was not one of the people that made me feel safe. That's on him.

it didn't work - im still not over it. i never will be. im sorry that people i know now never got to meet that ro from 2017-2018 who was so happy and full of life and vigor. She's gone now.