#personal shit is personal

[mahvaladara]

How do you tell someone you love they are going to die?

I mean.

It is an inevitable fact that we will all die.

But we all live day to day not thinking about it because we all know we'll grow old. It's not today.

But how does someone live with the confirmation that they have a terminal illness and they will die?

The confirmation that they might be gone by next year. That they have something in their body that will inevitably kill them.

[chronicbackstabbingdisorder]

I don't want to get into it here publicly on my main blog, but I'm not in the greatest headspace right now so if anyone has pictures of their pets to share, it would be appreciated

[blackdreamwarmachine]

Today was the first time Sir was super possessive in public and it was like meeting a whole different person. Its weird how you can be with someone for 10 years and still not know whole sides of them until they choose to show you.

Its weirder still as a disabled person who has mobility issues and often has to blank-face their way through painful and terrifying physical obstacles like standing up, moving quickly or going down stairs. Is he holding my hand because I look pale and dizzy, or because some guy decided to look twice at me? Or maybe he's flirting with me? Maybe he just wants to?

There's so much I'm trying to work through in our power exchange and I think I understand how people go their entire lives without ever pursuing the sex they desire. It's confusing, exhausting, scary, raw and painful.

Dick's pretty good tho.

[blackdreamwarmachine]

like on a normal monday night I had a lil mini tiny nervous breakdown because I missed therapy and sir’s just like “tomorrow I’m going to teach you something- you always feel better when you’re learning” and I got whiplash from how happy I was that I was going to get a beating, and the very next thing out of his mouth was “i know how badly you’ve wanted to start an indoor garden, so lets build one!” and I got whiplash AGAIN. its so cute but :((((( 

[blackdreamwarmachine]

personal shit is personal under the cut

I want to surprise my Sir, and our taste in gear aesthetic is very utilitarian (for whatever reason is hotter to both of us??), but something in neon yellow with purple stars popped up as an option and I’m very heart eyes mother fucker about it. SavageXFenty is getting my entire “Be a good girl” budget for the rest of this summer and goddammit they know it.

I’m really hoping to entice my partner into a more 24/7 lifestyle. Maybe he doesn’t use me everyday but giving him the option is something I really want. 

[blackdreamwarmachine]

personal shit is personal under the cut

Feeling very happy after my partner woke me up by beating my ass and fucking my mouth before we went out to breakfast. Its been a long road of me learning that I can be honest and open with him about what I want, but he's stuck by my side no matter what came out of my mouth. Its almost like, congratulations me!! your vulnerability with another human being got you that thing you've fantasized about for years!!

Does this mean being open and honest will feel less terrifying?

DOUBT.

I asked him for some 24/7 stuff but he's not down. A girl can dream. 🥴

[queen--of--kyrat]

This used to be a pretty great blog, what the hell happened?

depression, anxiety and soon after that a breakdown is what happened anon. welcome to the world of being comfortably numb and not giving a shit 🌈 w/ pagan on top.