#personal struggles

[ashenbot]

wow, can’t believe folks just put up with me letting myself bleed all over this blog, doing god knows what to their flists that wayjust imagine, reading touhou grievances, sexposts, typographical trans rants, and a myriad of other troubles every morninglike, sister, get a damn chunk of wood or something

[aventurineswife]

“With you, I’m so much stronger”

Summary: Shadow, reflecting on the one-year anniversary of meeting her partner, carefully prepares a special cake as a surprise. Despite the pain and struggles she faces with her illness and inner darkness, she finds joy in celebrating the love and support her partner has given her throughout the year. In a tender moment, she opens up about her struggles and the weight of her emotions, but her partner reassures her with love and devotion. Together, they share the cake, symbolizing the sweetness of their journey together.

Tags: Shadow(OC) x Reader, Romance, Anniversary, Vulnerability, Support, Tender Moments, Personal Struggles, Intimacy, Reflection, Established Relationship.

Warnings: Mentions of illness, emotional distress, and vulnerability.

[Header credits]

The soft hum of the oven filled the air as Shadow carefully removed the cake she’d spent hours preparing. The rich aroma of vanilla and chocolate intertwined, creating a comforting atmosphere in the kitchen. Her movements were graceful yet purposeful as she set the cake down on the countertop, taking a moment to admire her handiwork. She smiled faintly, the corners of her mouth lifting as she wiped her hands on a towel.

It had been one year.

One year since you walked into her life, and she couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe at how much had changed since then. How much she had changed. It was hard to believe that someone as warm and understanding as you had stuck by her side, even as she fought through the darkness of her own mind and body.

With a sigh, Shadow placed a hand on her stomach, the familiar ache from her illness gnawing at her. She could feel the blood rising in her throat, but she pushed the thought aside. Not today. Today was special.

She turned her gaze to the living room, where you were lounging comfortably on the couch, the soft glow of candlelight flickering around you. You’d been patient all day, waiting for her to finish up the surprise. And now, it was time.

Carefully, Shadow decorated the cake, her hands steady despite the fatigue she felt. She’d chosen something simple but elegant—your favorite flavors, topped with a delicate swirl of frosting. She placed a small note atop it, scribbled with words only she could fully understand.

Once finished, she turned to you with a soft, loving gaze. “Hey,” she said, her voice steady, but there was something tender in it that hadn’t been there before. You glanced up at her, a smile tugging at your lips as you sat up.

“Wow, that looks amazing,” you said, your eyes lighting up at the sight of the cake. “Is that… for me?”

She nodded, a playful glint in her eyes. “Yeah, it’s for you. Happy anniversary, love.”

Your heart swelled as you approached the table. “You didn’t have to do this, Shadow. You’ve already done so much.”

Shadow’s smile faltered for a brief moment, but she quickly hid it. She walked over to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I know,” she murmured, her thumb brushing across your skin. “But I wanted to. You’ve stuck by me for an entire year. Even when I’m not the easiest person to love.”

She paused, the weight of her words lingering in the air. Her eyes, though filled with warmth, seemed to carry a deeper, unspoken sorrow.

“I know I can be… difficult,” she continued, her voice dropping slightly. “I’ve got a lot of baggage, and sometimes it feels like I’m too much to bear. But you never left. You stayed. You believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.”

You reached out, cupping her cheek gently in your palm. “I’m not going anywhere, Shadow,” you said softly, your voice unwavering. “I’m here because I love you. All of you. The strong, the kind, the playful, and even the broken parts.”

Her breath caught, her eyes softening as you leaned in to kiss her forehead. “You don’t have to carry everything alone,” you whispered. “We’re in this together.”

Shadow’s eyes glistened, and for a brief moment, the walls she’d built so carefully around herself seemed to crumble. A single tear slid down her cheek, but she smiled through it.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Thank you for everything.”

You kissed her gently, the warmth of your lips on hers grounding her in the moment. As you pulled back, you saw the vulnerability in her eyes—the side of her she so carefully hid from the world. The side she only showed to you.

"Now," you said with a playful grin, "Let’s enjoy that cake. You deserve it."

She chuckled, her usual playful energy returning as she cut a slice for you both. Despite the darkness she carried within, Shadow had found something beautiful—something to cherish. You.

And, as you both shared the first bite, Shadow couldn't help but think that this was the sweetest gift of all.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

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Black Label Society - Lead Me to Your Door

[torveiglyart]

Who's your favorite voltron character and what is your favorite thing about them?

Oh boy. Oooohhhhhhh boy.

Lance quiznaking Charles McClain.

Okay okay okay so, There are MANY reasons he’s my favourite, and I could go on and on about him, but you asked for my singular favourite thing. If I had to pick one thing about him?

His extroversion.

See, Lance and I are extremely similar in mannerisms, personality, family, looks not so much, and fears. The main difference between us is the readiness to talk to others. I’m extroverted, but over the years I’ve drawn into myself a bit more and tend to get pretty bad anxiety when met with new scenarios that involve meeting new people or talking for long periods of time. This is simply due to my upbringing and other social factors I couldn’t control, but it still affected me. I used to be, like Lance, ready and open to talk to new people, experience new things, and I was a chatter box. And in seeing that reflected in a character that already shares so much similarity with me? It made it pretty easy to latch on.

I admire him not just for who he is, but what he represents to me. An academically challenged kid with ADHD, a love of the beach, big dreams, and a terrible case of martyrdom. Oh, and the bisexual panic, but that’s not important in this right now.

By emulating Lance’s mannerisms when it comes to new people, I’ve actually found myself not only with more friends who like talking to me, but I’ve also found myself happier than I ever was in middle or high school. Oh! And I joined a sports team for the first time! I get that college itself is a new experience, but just placing that bit of Lance in the everyday Me has helped a lot with the harder stuff, at least, the things I consider hardest.

Soooo that got away from me, but yeah! Lance, or as we like to call him, Leandro, is my favourite.

[devonaeya]

Perhaps the fact I'm venting to strangers on the internet rather than trusted friends and family speaks for my mental health in of itself. I'm terrified right now. Change is inevitable, I know but the fact that I'm going to begin university is sitting in all corners of my mind, ensnaring my brain and tightening the gold of anxiety. I don't feel ready for uni and each time I bring this up with my parents they just say that if I continue like this I'll just never be ready and waste my life away being lazy. My brain and emotions feel like they are all over the place and scattered. I don't know how I'm supposed to continue because university is the next step of life apparently but what is really the point. I mean what's the point of wasting time studying and earning degrees then getting a job and earning money. Yes I need money to pay for commodities but I'm going to die anyway so what's really the point. Why do people go about living and stuff. I truly can't find reasonings and at this point am barely living in the sense that I'm just kinda floating through life. What's the point of destroying your mental health to study and work to sustain life. Maybe it's because I've been cooled up in home so much that my thoughts are like this.

For the uni, I need to write a personal statement. Around 250 words of why I want to study this course when I actually don't want to. If i was alone in life then I probably would just waste away. But I have parents who technically only want what's best for me in their opinion. I don't want to study computer science. If I had to choose sth to study anyways it would probably be sth more akin to creative writing or sth. Even then it would be reluctantly. How am I supposed to write on my desire to study this course and how those desires and my interests and hobbies have shaped me as the person I am today when I am barely a person. Imo I am just something shaped out of my empathy towards random characters, the feeling that I experienced the things they did and adopting mannerisms similar to them. I don't know what to do. Someone please help me.

[mental-health-sideblog]

It's normal to hear about someone else's trauma and think "god I wish my trauma was that bad, then I'd have a real reason to be this messed up." Trauma is defined by its impact, not just the event itself.

[letmelickyoureyeballs]

Just spent an hour sanding this sword I found at an estate sale and it does not want to work with me

Why no shiny :(

[velvetporcelain]

someone told me I expect too much and I took it personally, once.

running has helped clear my psyche.

today I thought—- “I am the thinker, and you are just thoughts” talking back to something only imaginary in my mind- something like a demon that looks like a thought bubble— hissing at me - but no, today I am unafraid of them, today i realized that I get to choose which thoughts have a voice.

i also was thinking about the word “impulsive” it’s so looked down upon- it’s classed as a symptom now— but to me spontaneity is the exact same thing- but the only difference is that it is craved— looked for— wished for— a high quality someone possesses- and i say wait a minute—

words are the true demons. words are the true hell. the liar, the lawyer, and the mirror. words tell us if we are sick or if we are sane. the judge. the creator.

i never once in my life thought that words were meaningless until i met you. i curse you for the reddish tint you have given my identity, psyche and ideology.

i only have doubted the power of words once, and i will never do it again.

i will always doubt man’s ability to reach the height of my expectations, they remain high has gothic castle walls— impenetrable. so if you need to insult my height, well then you’re just a sorry, sore ass motherfucker. too scared of your own potential, cowering to the thoughts of failure and fear— probably knowing your offerings are worthless.

you let me down, because you were down, i get it. Maybe one day you will expand to your potential, an absolute power, like me.

-x