#personal talks

[hayleylatour]

So I’ve started reading “Priest” by Sierra Simone, AND LET ME TELL YOU, I can’t stop thinking about Noah as a priest, the long sleeves turtle necklace, with the rosery. Fuck me! Sweet dreams tonight that’s all that’s the Ted talk.

[1tarot1with1k1o]

Since I’m all mushy and in a lovey dovey mood, I would really like to hear your stories about love <3

You can send an ask, comment, or dm me. Whatever you prefer.

I’m really curious to hear your love story, or even just if you have a connection with someone you haven’t met yet (like you feel their energies or you meet in dreams, during meditation, etc.). I’m interested in hearing what your experience was like, how it all unfolded and all the good stuff. Give me ALLLL the tea haha

[charmtale]

thing that minorly annoys me of the day is when people respond to a slower + piano/acoustic guitar/violin cover of a song with Sad lyrics that originally has a fast tempo + more """upbeat""" (read: anything other than the aforementioned instruments) instrumental track with "oh the song actually sounds sad now! this is so much better!". the covers themselves don't bother me, i usually do like them if i liked the original, but i disagree with the idea that the original song didn't know what it was doing.... even if the singer isn't hiding pain behind a cheerful facade which may be what the apparent juxtaposition of lyrics and instrumental is expressing.... sometimes despair happens at warp speed... emotions like pain and regret can feel very intense and sometimes a drawling piano and a soft voice just doesn't hit right. at least for me........You just wouldn't get it dot joker

[foodiewithdahoodie]

When I was in middle school, I had an English teacher say something very profound to me. She said "school will always be here, even after you die, but you're family is only here for a limited time."

She said this as she recounted to our class how she dropped out of college once to take care of her ill grandmother. She figured "Hey if I got in to a school, I can get in to another one, but my grandmother needs me now and I only have 1 grandmother".

So, she spent those 6 months grateful to have some lasting quality bonding time with her ill grandmother, the one who raised her better than her parents, before she passed on.

It stuck with me and I didn't know why. Perhaps, because it sounded beautiful. I could relate. I dearly love my grandma too. I often joke that my grandma and me are soulmates how we just understand each other easily. Then she had a heart attack, a series of mini heart attacks actually, and she had heart surgery on the day of a final I didn't care to study for because all I thought about was "my grandma could be dead".

I didn't pass my final. I failed the class. I didn't care. My grandma survived the surgery though so I felt my priorities we ordered correctly. The whole time I thought about my English teacher's words about school being forever but your loved ones, not so much.

It was a difficult time for my family. Everyone was working and no one knew who could take care of my grandma's recovery process. We had an option of doing at-home care or sending her to a rehab facility. This was during covid quarantine and the rehab wouldn't allow us to visitation at all and we knew if we sent my grandma there she'd die missing us as strangers looked after her. They don't know her like we do. Like I do. She speaks very soft that it's hard for people to hear her and she's still confused and loopy and a bit mean from the surgery drugs. Do they have the patience and unconditional love to watch her with care like us?

I dropped out of school just like my teacher. Well, I took a break, and told my family that since I'm not working then let me be the certified caretaker of grandma. My cousins, my sister, my mother, my uncles and aunt, my grandma's many still living siblings were all relieved. I did my training and officially became a proxy for my grandma, an advocate for her health when everyone else had to work.

I took her to doctors appointments, extra surgeries, fed her, clothed her, did her hair, dressed her wounds if she had any, drove her to wherever she wanted to go, kept her company, and I never felt more alive than being there for my grandma in her time of need. I felt purpose.

Grandma said to me once. "Just like how I used to take care of you as a baby, you're taking care of me now." I said to her. "Cycle of life, I guess."

Grandma said to me once. "You're really gonna take care of me?" I said to her. "Of course. You're my grandma. I love you."

When my grandma wanted flowers, I bought them for her, and she was so happy to come back from dialysis that she didn't even want to go in the house. Usually she's tired, but seeing those flowers rejuvenated her. Me and my family had to instantly go and plant them in her garden she was so excited like a little kid. She had onset dementia. She always apologized for whatever wrong she did to me or anyone else cuz she couldn't remember being mean sometimes. I forgave her. She literally wasn't in her right mind.

On the anniversary of her surgery, I bought her food from her favorite restaurant, and said "happy 2nd birthday because you almost died but you didn't." She called everyone she knew to brag about her royal treatment lol.

She said she missed the South. Her childhood home. Our family planned a road trip and we took her home (with permission from doctors) to the house she grew up in, the river she used to fish in, the family graveyard. We took her to her Homecoming as family from all generations came by to honor, apparently, the kindest woman they knew. They showered her with money and gifts for all the good she did them in her lifetime. I didn't know other people loved my grandma just like me. It was beautiful.

I should've known when grandma started talking more about death and moving on. I should've known when she started talking about not wanting to hold us back because we were taking care of her. I should've known as I slept at Auntie's house when I dreamt of my favorite cousin, who died a few years back from cancer, was there at our grandma's Homecoming somehow like he was going to guide her to the light or something.

The day after we returned from our trip, my grandma had a seizure. She was on life support. She had told us one time that "everything I ever wanted God had given me." She died with no regrets and knowing she was loved dearly as we pulled the plug and heard her last breath. One of my oldest cousins didn't let the nurses touch grandma, my cousin wanted to clean up my grandma's dead body herself. My mom, uncles, and auntie were officially orphans. Too many people came to the funeral and wake, we barely had room to sit everybody. My grandma touched a lot of hearts just being herself. These people cried so hard as if my grandma had birthed them, was their blood related family. She was remembered for doing whatever she wanted to do (1st woman to get her driver's license and bank account and could make her own clothes etc)

And to this day I think about my teacher and how if I never took her words of wisdom, then I would have regretted choosing school over my grandma for the rest of my life. But it's like she said. School was there before me and it'll be there after I'm dead and gone, but my family is only here in this moment.

[wuxia-vanlifer]

There's something really precious about friends.

I had a non-verbal episode just a couple of nights ago, and it was the second in the presence of my roommates, but the first time I was able to hide it until it passed, as I'm used to.

But. We were having dinner. We were chatting. Anyone could ask me anything at any moment, and I found myself unable to do the exercise I usually use to calm me down and let the words arrive naturally. I was starting to panic, and the worst thing I could think of happened: they asked me something I couldn't just answer with a nod or shaking my head. I had to write down I couldn't talk. I had to write down to not be scared, that it happens since ever and that it would pass. It was. So. Embarrassing.

And I was scared. They're the best. They're funny and good people, and staying with them I really feel like... I dont know. Almost like family. Relaxed. Safe.

And I was So Scared to have ruined everything. I'm used to people leaving, for a reason or another, and I was shaking with the fear.

I asked them if they knew where the bathroom was. One of them decided to accompany me. She talked calmly and relaxed. She let me stay in the bathroom as long as I needed to breath and let the words arrive again. And she let me stay longer, to make sure the mess outside wouldn't shut me down again.

She told me how se suffered panic attacks from her anxiety and how two of the other roomates once found her during a panic attack in the bathroom. She smiled and said I didn't have to be embarrassed.

We came back to the table, me speaking again, and nobody asked a question. The dinner went on as nothing happened, they talked to me as usual, they smiled and laughed and chatted relaxed. We went on with our plans for the night -it was a sort of party night before I came back home for Christmas- and we came back home, where we drank hot chocolate and chatted until we decided to go to bed.

I wanted to cry. I felt so... accepted. They didn't even asked me questions, they believed me immediately when I wrote down I couldn't talk, and nothing changed. They're still here. The days passed and we were still five friends who live together.

It's the first time. It's beautiful. I still feel like I could cry. I've never been so happy and relaxed. I've never felt that certainty that they weren't going anywhere.

There's something so precious about friends.

[facadesinternalveil]

I know I haven't been active but I did do some peices of works.

I've recently gotten more interested in the DC universe and DC comics (mainly batman). And I ended up doing these little things for fun. So here they are:

I might make these into a book on Wattpad for fun, mainly because it would give me something to do while I'm helping my mom back into her feet. I'll also probably be writing alot more as well.

So if you guys like books about hero's or villains then you could possibly check that out.

Under cut is my Wattpad page:

Yeahhhh. Nothing really special.

[josthours]

url change

folkloreflyers -> npatrickz

i thought it was about time to change to a nolan related user.

tagging some mutuals/friends: @barzysthighs @bqstqnbruin @jamiedrysdales @jdrysdales @generallybarzy @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @mac-blackwood @dmonchld @titsbeauvillier @heybarzy @dembenchboys @barzzal @bigboigritty @broadstbroskis @brockadoodles @mbarzals @charlie-theangelwrites @kempe @bowenbyram @teenagekook + i’ve probably forgotten to tag people so plus others!! just a post so y’all don’t get confused. 🖤