#personalaelmai

[aelmai]

I realise that I have alienated away from some of my friends and I can’t be bothered about it and with others I am so thankful I still get to enjoy them. Now that I am getting older (ugh) and wiser (hopefully) I also get a better understanding of who are my kind of people. It is awesome!

[aelmai]

Last week I dreamed I could do the splits. Like, I always dream vividly but this night... Ie woke up and I could still feel the sensation of being comfortable in the position. Now, every time I am stretching to get there it feels like this body I am in isn't the body I should be in. As if my mind should have been in a different body. But then again I also see this as a sign that eventually I WILL get there. My body will be able to do the splits sooner or later this month.

[aelmai]

Realisations

So I was talking with some of my colleagues about New Year Resolutions (my favourite topic this time of the year) and I realised something. Most of the people back at my hometown don’t have the ambitions that I have. I don’t mean this in a bad way or anything. To each their own; they are happy where they are! But it made me realise something.

In my head everyone wants what I want. So I feel that there is a lot of competition for everything, while that competition only excists in my head. I am making things harder than they actually are. The road to whatever I want isn’t as crowded as I think it is.

[aelmai]

Random update

So yeah! Random update, categorised by subject. Long read is long.

SCHOOL So I failed two subjects which means I have to redo them next year. Which means I will be studying again next year. The study advisor advised me to do another master, because, why not? It will cost me around 2000 euros now, and if I do it in 5 years it will cost me 14000 euros. (Dutch law system does not make sense -points at our weed policy-). Plus; I wont be wasting a whole year on just two subjects, I can do more. The problem is that I do not know which one I want to do. I want to move into a whole new direction, but it seems like I can't figure out which one.  It is either going to be a study about Gender, Sexuality and Society.... or Journalism I think.... but to be fair, I also wish I could do something creative? AAGH I DON'T KNOW. Midlife crisis here. I feel like journalism would be way more convenient, also for my future and the direction I want to take, giving me some sort of ground in writing. But the gender study is also interesting, and would give more context to what I would write about? Does that make sense?

THesis writing is going very well though! Anyone wants to proofread it for me? Its a criminology/psychology thesis on the belief in a just world theory by Lerner, 1980 and what the effect is if I inform you of this theory. Just shoot me an ask if you are interested.

APPEARANCE Going to the hairdressers this tuesday for a haircut and to lighten my hair; so I can throw in some pink! I am also really, really, REALLY close to getting a tattoo... like it is insane how close I am. I have an idea in my head, I just need to find a good tattoo artist that is close by. (I kinda want to go to Korea for this artist. I kinda should right? Also a good excuse to visit lifelovekorea). I also feel like getting my septum pierced... but I already have a nose piercings, so I feel like it might be a bit too much metal in my face? I mean; tongue piercing, nose piercing AND septum piercing, it would be amazing, but I feel like it would overpower my face? But then again; you can always hide the septum piercing by twisting it upwards, which is like a really cool feature also for work. Basically when I look back, I feel like I was most happy with my looks when I go all out alternative and stop trying to conform to what my environment things looks 'pretty'. But even Boyfriends says no to a septum piercing and he has a metalfetish....  CREATIVES AND SHIZZLE I just bought watercolour supplies and I am so excited! Also, I decided to join the blogilates stretch challenge. My back is killing me and stretching and being more flexible always helped with that! AND I just had my first lesson of yoga which was AMAZEBALLS. I just feel like I need to develop a plan for this summer, or else I am going to go INSANE. Saving some cash with working, setting a daily goal; like one hour of yoga or something, work on some creative projects... Having a real break after I finish writing my thesis.

[aelmai]

Hairdresser appointment

I just made a last minute appointment and now I am kinda freaking out... Usually I go to the hairdresser with a plan you know? But my hair is SO in need of a cut that I just went ahead and got one, even though I have no idea what I want... I am tempted to just dress up all pretty tomorrow, so they know my style.. and then just go and see what they come up with... but then again I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES! 

[aelmai]

March goals 2015

Hello! yes, I am back! February turned into one big giant clusterfuck of WTF. So let's just forget those goals and dreams and hopes and get some new ones! Because I feel like a whole new person. Also, you guys want to have a post about my detox experience of Tumblr? 

1. Go get back to that stretching! Yearly goal is to be able to do this:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ270vmCJpo (yoga by yogawithmayon ) which means I need to work on my handstand (need to be able to hold it! XD) and my splits and bridges which is like... all way below level, so I need to step on it. 2. Finish my experiment for thesis. Almost done. Finish line of all the crappy practical shit is in sight! Then I will have my data and then analyse it, write the rest of my thesis and omfg DONE. DONE. 3. Focus on being there for Boyfriend, who is going to do some pretty exciting stuff this month. Part of me is scared and does not want to let him go, but luckily the bigger part of me realises the other part of me is a whiny little bitch and needs to grow up. SO! Support and love and cuddles for BF.  4. Make sure my plants don't die. I am growing my own vegetables! Well, trying to grow them... It is mucho fun! And it makes me feel all hippy and nature-y. Combine that with me reading tarot cards again and I feel all witchy! I like feeling witchy. Need to keep my witchy earthy vibes.

[aelmai]

My self worth is not determined by school. My self worth is not determined by school. My self worth is not determined by school. Mys elf worth is not determined by school. My self worth is not NOT NOT NOT NOT determined by school. 

[aelmai]

February goals 2015

1. 15 minutes of stretching daily! Including one random warm up cardio video! 2. Have at least 5 page of your thesis 3. Clean up that room

3b. Get rid of at least 25 things from your room

4. Keep up with schoolwork

5. SPLURGE GOAL: Find myself that perfect red shade of lipstick

.So basically the goal is: get rid of shit out of my room so I can focus on school because I can sit at my desk in peace while looking fabulous and fierce.