There are multiple facets to every personality- I’ve covered that before. In this post I want to describe my states of being a little and think about how they affect me on a daily basis.
Layer one: The personality traits that most people interact with on a daily basis. Tends to be introverted, outgoing, passionate, fiery, energetic, overly happy and/or bubbly. My “new people” face.
Layer two: The personality traits that I exhibit when I am more comfortable with people. Tends to continue being introverted, with less hyper-activity. More relaxed, more laid-back. Good for tiny groups of people (3 or less) or one on one time.
Layer three: The traits I reserve for only the most trusted of people. This is when my depression is more visible, when I’m more capable of being genuine with my thoughts and feelings. It’s difficult, even now, on an anonymous blog, to write about this because then it will be tangible and real to anyone who stumbles across it.
Layer four, or what I think of as my core: Cold. Very very cold. I don’t really care about anything beyond understanding things. There are few things that will deeply shake me up, few things that will make me angry much less genuinely impact my emotional state. A friend has described me as caring about nothing but feeling everything. Maybe that’s accurate, maybe that’s why it’s hard for my interest to stay locked on any one person or any singular situation. I really can’t think of anything that I care about or actively pursue beyond various emotional highs and lows, I enjoy experiencing things even if they are terrible/detrimental/negative somehow.
I don’t really know what the purpose of writing all of this out was beyond procrastinating on cleaning up the house and getting some verbal vomit down on paper (computer?) and sharing it with someone who may understand what I’m talking about. I think that’s one of the purposes of this blog- for likeminded people to find it and perhaps become acquaintances and bounce ideas off of one another in the grand race to understanding our existences. Whatever, man.