Unanswered Prayers.
yesterday i was having a really tough day, i basically sat back and wondered why i was never able to get pregnant again, or the times i did why did i miscarriage.. i sat their and wondered why these people that are BAD moms get to have a football team yet i who have dedicated my life to my son was not able to.. i remember staying up late at night and praying to god to allow me to get pregnant, or whatever. and it never happened, so now everyone wonders why my faith has left me, well to begin with my prayers went unanswered most will say well god answers in three ways, he says yes, or he directs you somewhere else.. well yeah i was directed somewhere else i was directed towards my damn surgery... i'm angry.. i dont understand why me.. what i have done that is so bad? i mean why didn't i deserve another child?
now you are gonna say adopt, foster, and blah blah blah, well yeah those are options adoption is an arm and leg.. fostering is something we plan to do but need a bigger house, right now we live in a 3 bedroom. we need a 4 bedroom or 5.. so i need to find work before anything goes down, i dont know.. life is hard.. life is tough.. life is confusing.. i am currently just angry and trying to figure out shit..