Fuck. Talking to this guy just made me realize its because of you. Your the reason I cant have stable friendships with guys. You ruined everything. And its crazy because im not even angry with you. I dont even know how you feel about me. Because its been too long. Eleven months and 53 days too long. Without talking to eachother. Looking at eachother. Touching eachother. Listening to eachother. Playing around with eachother. Being alone with eachother. Im sorry. I told you this. And you said ok. and then we were all good but the awkward spirit filled space between us and we grew apart even more than before. I felt and believed everything in you. I was so invested in your company. That I realized you never even apologized for your fault. But fuck that. I miss you as much as you MISSED me when I was gone. Even though I was in front of your face. Everyday. With your friends. My friends. With our friends. In your neighborhood. In my neighborhood. In our neighborhood. We werent friends anymore. Sometimes when im alone. I think about us. When we were alone. All the good times. The happy times. (smiling) I miss you. Alot. And more now. Now that im writing this. My heart hurts. And I feel it in my stomach. Omg. And for the first time ever im crying about it… . Why? Its because I keep you and my feeling away. I ignored it. For this long. Untill now. I would put up a front infront of ALL of our friends. And it worked. Thats what it was meant for. Sometimes when I see you or when I the guys bring you up. I think about just having a ‘fuck it’ moment. And running up to you, jumping into your arms, ontop of you. Squeezing you. Holding you. And just starting over. But your not that simple. And I dont want you looking at me like im crazy. I couldnt deal with it. Maybe that’s why I chose you instead of anyone else. Instead of the other guys. Huh. Boy, were they pissed when they found out it was you I wanted. But their still here. Their still around. Hanging. They waited for the day we ended. They knew it would when we didnt. I hate this I really do E. But I guess its not all your fault. I fucked us over too. When Natalyah told me the stuff you told her. How you never felt this way about a girls before. And you dont know what it is but you know its me. How you wanted to ask me to be yours but you were scared. Of me. . ? Im sorry. I was so caught up in everything. I didn’t want to seem . . Idunnoe. To everyone. I cared about what people thought about me. I dont anymore. I cant. Cant lose another you. No time for it. My clock is ticking. And when I think about it. WE would have been perfect. You and Me. Together. A great experience. Both cute (laughs) and attracted to eachother. Just perfect for eachother. Its crazy. Even my dad excepted you. More than I even did. HE WANTED you to be the one. The one for me. Im so sorry. Remember how he use to call you ‘son’ (laughing) Oh my god. You LOVED that. Yea. But thats all over. Fuck it. Fuck it all. But tell me this E. Hows it feel to be friends with someone, someone youve know since ninth grade, that wants to ‘talk’ to me. Get to know me better. Call me baby. Want to touch me. Like you got to. Did you tell him about us? What we had? Maybe what happened to us? No? Yes? What? Do you get jealous? Cause if you dont. . Damn I was just a fuckin fool. A toy. And complete dumbass. And that means you were just a Dick. And I dont want you to be a Dick E. Your not like that. Your soft. And thats something I loved about you. And I loved the things you loved about me. I just want things back to normal. How they use to be. Before we got really serious in things. Just back to normal. When we were bestfriends. Bestfriends. Me and You. Boy and Girl. When I talked to you about boys and my problems and you’d just listen. aha. Like a little fuckin angel. And id listen to you talk about girls and your problems. Or how we’d make someone crushing on me/you jealous. Act like we liked eachother so whoever liked us would back of. lmao. The good times E. The good times. Dont you miss them? All im askin for in this. In this. Is the creator gives you or me a sign for us to stop being stuborn toward eachother and just fix things between us. And we dont have to go back to the difdicultness and awkwardness. That it all be fixed. Again, im sorry. And hope you have some type of feeling between Us. Good or Bad. Just have some type of feelings. Any. I dont care what. Just … . . Bye e. No, later E.
