Pete: Babe, what are you doing?
Meagan, two seconds away from throwing that creepy ass chair out the window: Nothing, baby, go back to sleep. 😘

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Pete: Babe, what are you doing?
Meagan, two seconds away from throwing that creepy ass chair out the window: Nothing, baby, go back to sleep. 😘
Pete: Saint, how was school today?
Saint: This mean kid pushed me down.
Pete: Oh. Did you push him back?
Saint: No, he’s bigger than me.
Pete: Uh huh. Bronx?
Bronx: On it.
Pete: *driving slowly and taking in the world around him* Sometimes, life can be fast paced. In moments like these, it's important to take time for yourself. Little things, like appreciating the world around you, can help to ease that tension. In the grand scheme of things, you'll realize there was never anything to stress over in the first place.
Meagan: *going into labor in the backseat* DRIVE FASTER!!
Pete: Listen, could you not yell? This whole situation is stressing me out, and I think we just need to calm down.
Pete: As for today's experiment, I'm going to find out if the wax wrappers on Starbursts are actually edible.
Meagan: Pete, I really don't think-
Pete: *sticks a wrapped Starburst in his mouth*
Meagan: ...so is it edible?
Pete: *swallows* Nope.
I'm completely convinced that the reason Pete and Meagan aren't married is because his vows would be at least five hours long and no one on the guest list wanted to sit through all of it.
Pete: I know you're mad, baby, but can't we talk?
Meagan: Yeah, we can talk. I'll go first. How did you manage to use all of my conditioner?!
Pete: You said I could borrow it!
Meagan: I didn't mean "use half the bottle at once"! You don't even have as much hair as I do!
Pete: Well, mine's really dry!
Meagan: Then stop straightening it every day!
Pete: I can't!
Meagan: Why not?!
Pete: Because no!
Pete, flirting: Jumping out of helicopters is dangerous. You know, they say 1 in 5 people don't even make it to the ground.
Meagan: What do you mean they don't make it to the ground? Where do they go?
Pete: *repeatedly poking a hole in Andy's sweater*
Andy: Could you stop?
Pete: I'm sorry. I see a hole, I have to poke it.
Andy: I feel so bad for Meagan.