can you guys help me find this Peter Parker x reader fic?
so basically, after the events of NWH, Peter moves away I think? Or MJ and Ned move away so they can attend MIT. Anyway, Peter meets Reader in college and they start off as friends before they start dating. Now they’re going steady and I think they’ve dated for about a year when MJ finds Peter. In that scene Peter or reader went to buy the both of them hotdogs/ice cream from a stand. Peter forgets reader is there and kisses MJ in front of her. MJ explains she remembered Peter because she found the black Dalia he gifted her. Reader and Peter break up and she finds out in the early days of their relationship Peter would swing to MIT to check on Ned and MJ and he only stopped after they slept together. She says something along the lines of ‘so you broke up with her because you had to, not because you stopped loving her’. Anyway that’s all I remember before tumblr auto refreshed. I’m pretty sure it was part of a series
summary: after strange's spell, everybody forgot. peter could walk down the street without having cameras shoved into his face, but he could no longer go into that coffeehouse and talk to his friends like he used to. everybody forgot who peter parker was. everybody except for one.
genre: angst, friends to lovers
warnings: spoilers (obviously), angst, sad peter hours, little bit of canon level violence
word count: 5.4k
mcu masterlist
---
The paper in his hand was crumpled, the words on his tongue slurred as his hands sweated from his anxious nerves. His heartbeat thumped erratically in his chest and walking through that open door that greeted his senses to the strong smell of coffee and sweets just about sent him into a spiral.
The girl behind the counter gave him a small, costmary smile, only growing naturally when she saw the person behind Peter and gave them a bigger wave.
Looking over his shoulder he watched as Ned shoved past him, instantly making conversation with MJ as if he wasn't there.
"Hey Ned," She gave Peter another small smile as she mouthed in a second, and grabbed Ned's usual order of the glazed donut, pouring him some coffee she had already made beforehand as they chatted about MIT and other things Peter had missed in the time they, along with the rest of this universe, had forgotten him.
He had to get used to that, Peter reminded himself, he technically no longer existed.
"Hello," She greeted as she finished talking to Ned, not noticing how Peter's eyes brimmed with tears, "What can I get you?"
Peter stuttered, just as he always seemed to do around MJ, and looked down at the papers for help, nodding to himself as he muttered encouraging words for himself under his breath.
"I’m Peter Parker," He said slowly, for the first time since that spell was cast and everybody forgot who he was, the words he had practiced a million times before sounding small and insolent.
He wasn't anybody under that mask. Once he put it on, everybody knew Spiderman. It seemed as though his life was turning backward as even the girl he loved could recognize the masked hero better than him.
But to his shock and surprise, he watched as her eyes widened a bit, the smile dropping as Ned looked up from his seat, his eyes squinting as he tried to get a better look at his face.
Time stopped as MJ instantly whipped her phone out, typing something quickly as she made a quick call, whispering out a quick apology as the person behind the other line refused to pick up.
"Do you know me? It’s me, Peter," He moved forward, shuffling as hope ignited in his chest, warmth blossoming to the tips of his fingers as he looked from MJ and then to Ned, his lips turning upward into the biggest smile he had ever given somebody, "Peter Parker?" His lungs seemed to stop working as air lodged up in his throat, waiting for her to just say something.
"Uh no, sorry," MJ cursed to herself as the line beeped again, the automated voice answering box mocking her as she pocketed the phone, "Sorry about that. What," She pushed her hair back behind her ears, trying to look as professional as she could as Ned gapped behind her, "What can I get you?"
And just like that, his smile fell, hands to his sides as the paper jeered at him for his stupidity and innocence.
"Oh, um," His voice fell an octave, hushed as he almost let out a pained sound, "That's," He took in a deep breath, trying to sturdy himself back into his factious reality, "That's o-okay. Can I get a coffee to go, please?"
The door behind him swung open, and he once again watched as MJ gave the person behind him one of her real smiles, not the ones she was forced to put on because of her job, but that wasn't what stopped Peter in his tracks.
He heard a small gasp from behind him, a sound of objects clattering to the floor as he whipped his head around, eyes widening when he saw you.
It had been weeks since you two last talked, since you laughed at his stupid science puns, and it had been an agonizingly long amount of time since he watched carelessly as you ate those stale donuts while MJ and Ned decided different things to write for their college admissions letter.
There were dark eye bags under your eyes, your face no longer the bright and happy one he was so used to seeing, this one much grimmer and saddened as the two of you stared at one another, the silence becoming heavy as you didn't say anything.
Your mouth opened, fingers touching your hair as you tried to ground yourself, gapping as you took a slow step forward, not caring about your laptop that could have possibly been broken from the fall it took or the way you already chipped phone could have received more damage.
"Peter?"
He decided that he had never heard a more beautiful sound.
No time was spared are you barreled into his chest, arms tightening around him like a python as you shakily whimpered into his neck, your tears falling down like rain droplets, wetting his skin and collar of his shirt as you wept.
You didn't care if people saw, didn't care if MJ and Ned stared at you like you just saw a ghost, didn't care about anything because Peter was here. He was here and alive and holding you as you were the only thing keeping him steady from falling down.
"P-peter, oh god, Peter," You cried into him, not letting go though he didn't seem to want to either as your lips wavered, fingers grasping tighter onto the fabric of his back as your chest heaved with wet sobs, "Oh Pete," That is all you could seem to say as tears moved in like waves and you had no control over them.
For him, it felt like time had stopped as he sensed your familiar scent of warm vanilla, your warm touch now a bit cold but still you as you held him like he mattered. The way you used to do when he was somebody that people loved, when he was the real Peter Parker.
It took you minutes to move away from his body and even then had difficulty as he seemed to refuse to let you go, but you couldn't not see his face for a second longer, your fingers moving upward as you gripped his cheek in your hands, eyes scanning his face for any cuts or bruises, anything to prove to you why he had been gone for so long without saying anything.
His tears fell down his cheek, splattering on the ground, but the two of you did nothing to wipe either as your hands fell from his face, falling on his chest as you looked at MJ, pointing to him as you waited for her or Ned to say something.
When she gave you a confused shake of her head, asking what was wrong, you felt more tears roll in as you felt the insanity you had been feeling the past few weeks etch its way back into your mind.
You gave him a little push, his feet tumbling back as your lips wobbled in anger, eyes looking at him like he lit the world afire, and you heaved, another sob coming out of your chest as you smacked his arm.
"Where," You gave his chest another push, but it was weak and he could withstand it, "Were," Another weak one, your hands folding in on themselves as you crumpled back into his chest, "You?" You seethed those three words out, each quieter than the last, a mix of rage, betrayal, ache, hurt, everything you'd been feeling but didn't know why seeped out as you hugged him once again.
Peter couldn't feel anything as he felt your tears on his skin, hands shaking as he scooped you into his arm, his cheek pressed tightly against your head as his thumb moved ever so slowly up and down your back, something he used to do when you or MJ or May was every feeling sad, something he never thought he'd do again, but here he was.
His mind was reeling, everything was going so fast he could barely breathe, but you were here, you were her and hugging him just like you used to do.
"You know me?"
His voice was barely there, a fleeting whisper as he could barely believe what he was seeing. He heard you give a small, appalled laugh, punching him lightly in the chest as you looked up at him, confused that he'd even ask such a ridiculous question.
"Peter, what the fuck, of course," You lamely tried to wipe at the tears, "Of course, I know you? You’re Peter Parker, right? Or have you changed your name since I last saw you because nobody seems to know who you are! A-and I feel like I'm crazy and insane but you're here so you have to be real. I mean, these past nine years couldn't have been fake, right? An-" He cut you off, pressing a wet kiss to your cheek as he swooped you back into his arms.
"Was it that electrical guy, did he, did he shock you or something? Have you been to the hospital? Why didn't you tell us, you know we'd come..." You whispered into his chest, defeated as he sniveled something out, almost shocked as he stuttered nonsense to himself.
"We would come but MJ and Ned seem to have lost their fuckin' minds because they can't seem to remember you!" You said, furious now as you looked at the girl and boy behind him.
You snapped out of your trance, struggling to get out of his grasp as you stared the two of them down, shaking in defiant rage as you pointed to him.
"This," You almost yelled, "This is Peter! Remember? Peter Benjamin Parker? Or can't you seem to know your own boyfriend?" Your head tilted to the side in an almost manic way. MJ could barely say anything as she stuttered, looking at Peter and then back to you, "And you," You moved over to Ned, your finger jammed into his chest as he looked wildly at your face, "Do you not remember Peter? Pete from third grade? Peter with remarkably amazing eyesight? Peter who built the death star with you? That Peter?"
If only you could see the way Peter beamed, at the way his eyes widened and shined so brilliantly, as though you had handed him his world back even if you were just yelling at your friends for no reason.
You remembered him. Everything about him, and he could barely control his childlike glee, the rosy blush that swarmed his cheeks adding some color to his face that had been so pale the past couple of days.
For in the span of those minutes you first saw him till now, Peter deduced that MJ, Ned, Happy, and just about anybody who knew who he was still didn't know the real Peter Parker.
Everybody except for you.
"Um, no, can't say I," Ned looked over at MJ, questioning you and the stranger he had only seen until a few minutes ago, "Can't say I do?"
You groaned, jamming your palms into your eye sockets as your fists clenched, looking back at MJ to see if anything sparked in her memory, but she just seemed to be apologizing to Peter for your loud outburst.
But Peter could only give her a shaky smile, muttering some things as he pushed past some people to get to you, his hands shaking a bit as he gripped your arms, searching your face to see if you still remembered him.
"Y/n," Peter had the most gentle hold on your arm, almost terrified that if he touched you you'd disappear, "Can we go outside," He looked at the small crowd forming, "Please?"
You whipped your head to the sound, your angry look vanishing when Peter gave you a heartbreaking smile, cocking his head to the door as he tried to usher you out.
You couldn't say anything as you muttered your goodbyes to your friends, letting Peter walk you out because you couldn't trust your legs, the cold air hitting your face as your teeth clamped down together.
"Pete, come on, you gotta tell me what's going on..." You felt him usher you to an alley, looking behind him to see if anybody was looking, but realizing he no longer had to be conscious about what he said because nobody would look at a boy in an alleyway to find out spiderman's true identity.
"You know me?" He asked again, fingers carding through your hair as you gave him a slow and timid nod, wondering if you actually were crazy and he was a figment of your imagination this entire time.
"Yes, Pete, I know you. Unless some shit happened in these two weeks-"
"Something did happen," He quickly said, his hands never leaving your shoulder, "Something big happened and n-nobody's supposed to know who I am," He glanced back at the coffeehouse, "MJ and Ned were supposed to forget me. You were supposed to forget me but," He looked back at you as if he could barely believe anything that had just happened, "You know me?" His voice felt so raw, so defeated that despite the millions of questions that swarmed your mind, not one of them mattered as you pulled him into a hug, allowing his tears to fall freely in the expanse of your arms, something he never thought he could do again in such a short amount of time since that spell happened.
"You know me," He said to himself because he couldn't believe that somebody still remembered who he was, "You," He embraced you back so tightly you felt the air in your lungs squeeze out, "Know," He kissed your forehead as he looked at you, his thumb tracing your cheek to make sure you weren't just another part of his nightmare, so glad to actually feel skin against his skin, "Me?"
And in that alleyway, with people passing by and the world moving around on its axis, his seemed to stop. Because here, he realized that he wasn't totally in the dark. That somebody, perhaps one of the most important people in his life, could hug him back as they muttered his name over and over again, a mantra of truth that made Peter Parker somewhat of a person again.
---
As the weeks passed, it seemed as though Peter couldn't let you go, showing you around his shabby apartment as he tried to slyly wipe the tears away from his cheek, giving you a wet chuckle as you noted about the little star wars figures on his desk and that you'd be sure to bring back more.
It was painful to tell Ned and MJ that something came up in your life to explain the outburst you had, and although they quickly forgave you, it didn't hurt any less when they moved along the topic as if Peter's name wasn't important to them.
You guessed it no longer was.
You waited patiently as he'd pace around his room, reading a book on his bed he tried to come up with different solutions as to why you still knew who he was, every detail about his past that even he had been starting to forget, but he could only blame it on a flaw in Strange's magic that allowed for this to happen.
His apartment was cold and dark, but he never failed to tell you just how restful you made it with all your visits, with the way you baked him your legendary pecan pie and made it the first thing he had in his rundown fridge.
His suit was tucked away in a corner, and he hadn't touched it much since that night. Crime had been at a low, and even if it wasn't, he felt rather nauseous whenever he put it on.
He'd tell you all about his plan in getting back together with MJ, to make her fall back in love with him, with how he promised both her and Ned that he'd come back for them, but his childish promise seemed more difficult to pull off seeing that they had moved to Massachusets a couple days ago.
He found a job at the computer store down the street, one of the last of its kind, and glimpsing at how you had been able to secure that Stark internship a couple years ago, Happy seemed intent on letting you stay as your job in New York continued from the comfort of your room. Moreso, Peter's, seeing how much time you spent there.
"I just," You looked up from your laptop as Peter slammed the door shut, kicking his shoes off with an annoyed huff, "I hate it so fucking much. Seein' MJ with that dick on her socials and Ned watching Return of the Jedi with Flash..." He flopped down on the mattress, his weight pushing you down a bit as you gave his back a comforting rub, your fingers tugging on his hair as he whined quietly again, moving so that he could situate his head on your thighs, looking up at his ceiling as he pressed a small kiss against your pants, trying for a smile as you began typing away.
"'M sorry Peter," You glanced down at him, giving him an apologetic grin as you rubbed his shoulders, "It fuckin' sucks, I know," You patted his cheek as you went to type something, letting out a frustrated groan when your code didn't work, forgetting what you were going to say to him when your mind got sidetracked.
He sat up, looking over your shoulder as he read what was on the screen, lips pursing together as he tried to make out what you were doing.
"Need some help?" He offered and had you not been running on two hours of sleep and about seven cups of coffee from the past three hours, you would have said no. But you just pushed it towards him, letting your back fall down as you heaved in a sigh of relief after being hunched for so long.
"When was the last time you slept?" He commented on your drowsy state and you murmured some incoherent words as you gripped onto his pillow.
"What?" He glanced at you, worry taking over his features as you moved in and out of sleep.
"About a day ago," You gave a loud yawn, "Or two," You tiredly rubbed at your eyes, "Maybe t-three, actually," You yawned again, this time louder as you stretched.
Peter instantly put the laptop aside, moving so that you could lay fully on the bed, taking your glasses off as he set them on the little table next to him, folding them as you subconsciously snuggled deeper into his fluffy sheets.
"Y/n," He muttered some things as you yawned again, letting him place his hand behind your back as he lay another pillow underneath your head, "You gotta take more care of yourself, this isn't healthy.”
Your lips pouted as you stared at him through your lashes, thoughts running behind that head of yours as your brows furrowed with one another.
"I got'chu though.” You murmured tiredly, your hands searching for his as you gave them a weak squeeze, earning a gentle one back in return.
"I know," He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he tugged the blanket over your body, "But I'm not always here and you gotta know when to stop, yeah? I don't have anybody else, so I gotta make sure you're doin' fine, okay?" You gave him a slow nod, adjusting your head into the pillow as you gripped onto his hand even tighter than before.
"'M always here," You muttered slowly, "Nothin' safer than spiderman's apartment.” You joked with slurred words, sleep overtaking your features as you nodded off.
"Yeah," He almost choked as he gave you a tight lipped smile, giving the back of your hand a kiss, "I know.”
Peter gave a small chuckle as he fell on the floor, not letting go of your hand as he used the other one to wipe at his tears.
It felt routine to have his eyes water up at the end of the night. Most of the time, he'd know the reason behind them. Some of them for MJ, for the fact that he was never able to tell her he loved her one last time, for the promises he made in the final minutes he was sure he'd never be able to make. For the fact that he'd most likely never be able to sit down with Ned and just watch a movie and laugh and have nothing else to worry about. Other times they were for May and the fact that her blood still stained his hands, no matter how many times you helped him clean them. On the rare occasion, Happy would plague his thoughts, and even worse was when he heard Tony's last words, the deaths that lined his conscience whenever he tried to sleep.
But here, it wasn't for the regret, the pain, the longing he felt regularly.
It was because you held onto him no matter what, that even as you tried to move in your sleep, you held his fingers with all your might. They reminded him that even in the world in which everything lit afire, you were there to put it out. The girl with the large glasses and books overflowing her backpack, the one that painfully waited for him to back after every mission only to watch with tearful eyes as you embraced him once again.
In these hours you reminded Peter that even when everything else he loved had gone to ruin, you never left, even if it wasn't in your power to decide that, even if the fates above decided who's string to meddle with more.
You heard a muted sniffle and eyes instantly snapped open, worriedly looking at him as he quickly wiped them away, but you were already shifting so that you sat on the ground next to him, pulling him into your side as you wordlessly hugged him.
Too many nights you'd waken up to get a cup of water only to find him crying silently to himself, so even when he pleaded for you to just pretend that everything was okay and to go back to sleep, you trained yourself in hearing the little sounds he'd make.
"Wanna go sleep?" You gently offered, yawning as you helped him stand up as you led him back to the bed, removing his coat as you folded it and placed it to the side, helping him situate himself on the bed as his cheeks shined in the moonlight that flooded in.
The two of you constantly switched places in taking care of one another, something that was rare before everything happened, but almost felt like clockwork as you began acknowledging that aside from Ned and MJ, who you rarely heard from anymore, Peter was really all you had left.
You went to go to the couch, your usual resting place when you felt him hold your hand, his brown eyes swimming with a mess of emotions as he refused to let go.
"Stay," He whispered, voice lost to his own mind as he almost beseeched, "Please."
You had slept in the same bed with him before. There was that one time you refused to sleep on his dirty floor and made him begrudgingly share the right side of his mattress with you, or the one time Ned kept on farting and he made him switch places with you, but never when he was this vulnerable.
But you gave him a slow nod, collapsing in when he scotched aside, letting you find your comfort as you edged into his back, the limited space not big enough to house the two of you in the simplest way, but you made it work.
You didn't know just how much it eased Peter when you relaxed into his chest, or the way his hand subconsciously found its way across your chest in his sleep and the way you turned around at one point, your breathing hitting each other as the two of you slept as though one.
---
After that, sleeping alone just never appealed to you anymore.
If not for his strange warmth, Peter was a comfort you seek out when alone, and being safely tucked away in his arms, however platonic, surely helped ease your thoughts at night that he wasn't doing anything idiotic.
He had changed dramatically since the boy you once knew.
He was quieter than before, much more reserved. The nights he went away on patrol were terrible because every siren you heard, every time you saw the clock tick past four you wondered if he'd be coming back.
Every time he left he'd promise he'd return, but it might have been your paranoia from before or the fact that you, alongside a handful of other people, actually knew him, and feared he may never come home.
Of course, he never wanted to leave.
Even though you assured him you'd be fine and could do well on your own, he always seemed to contemplate his departure much longer than he used to in his past, glancing at you and at the colorful array of locks at the door.
His apartment was protected, that much you knew. He had learned some things when he spent that awkward night with Bucky and Sam, but they had shown him some ways to make locks safer, and he had shown you how to turn off the safety on the gun he stored away just in case.
He told you to call him if you even got a papercut, and even though you promised you would, you forgot to call him that one time you accidentally cut yourself when making dinner and got an earful when he came back, fretting over your wrapped up finger as you assured him everything was okay.
But he never really went over what to do in case somebody actually broke in, and listening to the loud thudding from behind the door made you wish he had.
You had called 911 and they had told you they'd be here in a quarter to ten, but the clock on your phone was already read 10:05 so you heavily doubted if those sirens were going to come any closer.
You had called Peter multiple times, always going to voicemail, just as you suspected, and with each lock giving way from under the pressure from the people behind the door.
When he got to voicemail once again you let out a small cry, lips trembling as you tried to cover yourself the best you could with the clothes in the closet you laid hidden in.
"Peter," You let out a yelp when the door finally slammed down and multiple voices could be heard from the outside, "There are people outside and they just came in and I'm in the closet, I-I," You limited your voice to a whisper as the people on the other side shouted from one another, grumbling angrily to themselves as they realized there wasn't anything valuable in the small apartment, "I'm scared, I don't know what to do." You shakily admitted, the yelling never stopping as they searched through the cabinets and drawers.
"Check in there!" One yelled to the other and you couldn't do anything as the footsteps got nearer, ending the call as you tied to make yourself as hidden as possible, the door slamming open as one of the men began searching through the clothing, his eye never catching yours as he yelled back to the man behind him, stating that there was nothing here.
You stayed as silent as you could, not even breathing as the man left, going back to flipping the mattress over as they searched for valuables that weren't there.
You could see through the crack in the door when a flash of red flew by, screams momentary as Spiderman flew in, his masked face looking wildly around, seeing your face peeking out from behind the wide array of the coats as he let out a sigh of relief, not before he gave the two men what he came here to do.
"You touch her?" He snapped, voice lined with fury, something you had never heard before as the two men looked at each other confused.
"Who? We ain't touch nobody!" The one with the beard yelled, struggling against his webs.
"If my girl has a scratch on her fuckin' body you gonna tell me who did it?" Peter's hand flew to the other neck, his grip tightening as he wildly shook his head.
"We didn't touch anybody! Didn't even know somebody was here!" He yelled, words slurring together when Peter removed his hand just a bit, assessing your features as you shook your head, silently telling him that you were fine.
It only took a couple of seconds before he had them tied up and thrown away, letting the police do whatever they wanted with them as he came back, shutting the door with his web as he instantly sprinted to where you were, carefully and slowly peeling you out from your hidden corner as he dusted you off, his hands shaking as he looked over your face, almost not believing what was in front of him.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you wanna sit down?" His thumb swatted at the dried tear marks, pulling you into his chest as he hugged you as tightly as he could.
"I'm okay, I swear.” Peter let out a relieved sigh, nodding more to himself as he pulled away from you, only to bring you back in when the fear from minutes before settled deep into his bones.
"I got your voicemail and I swear I've never run as fast as I did," he muttered into your hair, "God," You heard him groan from above you, "Just about felt my heart stop when I didn't see you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and you pulled away, giving him a weak chuckle as you tried to wipe away at his tears.
"If I lost you…” He stopped, looking to the side as your hands moved up to touch his jaw, to redirect his focus back onto you, to take the pain away you knew he shouldered so well.
Peter's hair was messed up from the wind, his cheeks red and tinted with salty tracks, but he had never looked more beautiful than he did now, chocolate eyes finding yours as he felt everything in his stop.
"Y/n, if I lost you I think I'd lose just about everything that mattered to me.” He admitted, his hands never leaving the sides of your face as you whimpered, crying as he kissed the tip of your nose.
"Pete..." You couldn't finish the sentence as his hands moved down, gently lifting your face up as he placed a kiss to your lips, your breath catching in your throat as Peter kissed away everything you wanted to say.
He stated like tears and blood, but his lips were soft and forgiving. They moved in tandem with yours, greedy and hungry as he lapped away every sort of pain the two of you had felt in these past months.
It didn't matter that the outside world was slowly catching fire, because here, with Peter kissing you like you were his oxygen and he was a man starved of air, nothing else seemed to matter.
He was rough yet kind, quick as he tried to make sure you were here, that you had been here all along, and you let him move you around, throwing your head back as his lips hungrily moved downward, wet kisses lining your throat as he hungrily marked what was his.
"Peter," Your hands found purchase in his hair, "Pete, look, I'm okay.”He wanted to almost scoff at the way you thought he was kissing you like his life depended on it just because you were fine.
He moved away, lips bruised, red, and plump as his chest heaved, eyes dark with primal desire as he shook his head, hands gripping your waist with a force strong enough to bruise.
"I know darlin'," He pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, "I just gotta show you how much you mean to me, can't wait for a second longer.” And he stuck to his words as he quickly made his way to the bed, laying you down as your hearts intertwined in a peculiar, melancholy yet simple rhythm.
In those months the world forgot Peter Parker, his life was rewritten by somebody who seemed the realize that no matter what sort of power decided to mess with his gloomy, sunken life, you'd always be there.
Peter knew now that love wasn't what carried you through, or perseverance or the sheer fact alone that you were you and nothing could break the two of you apart, it was that when the world forgot Peter Parker, you could never forget the boy who stole your heart those years ago, the one that made his way into your very mind and refused to leave.
His life would never be the same again, no matter how much he wished it would be. The burden of the world would fall onto his shoulders at the end of the day, a cruel game he'd be tested with at every hour, but he swore that as long as he'd have you, he'd do whatever he could to make this cruel life somewhat sweet again.
Summary: After finding out that you feel like a complete outcast, the team tries hard, too hard, to include you. And when a mission comes up, well, their efforts lead to disaster.
A/n: Um, hi. Idk what Im doing anymore. It seems like everything I write just ends up flopping so idk what to do.
PART ONE
MASTERLIST
“Can I help you with anything? Do you need anything? A-are you comfortable?” You groan and put your face in your hands.
“Listen, Holly, I get it that you're trying to... make up for whatever Loki put in your head, but please stop hovering. I need some space so I can work and focus on what I’m doing. We have a mission coming up and I want to be as prepared as possible, okay?”
Your sister nods and looks away, “I just... I never knew you felt... so excluded. I never intended to make you feel like that.” You look up from the file in your hands and smile lightly. “I know. And I’m fine. I promise.” She sighs, knowing you’re lying, but drops it.
“I’m gonna go train with Nat. Feel free to join if you want.” Right as she leaves, someone else walks in.
“Hey (Y/n).” You smile at the voice, warmth filling you. “Hi, Peter. I’ve missed you.” He walks to your bed and leans down, hugging you tightly.
“I’ve missed you too. Are you ready for the mission tomorrow? Stocking up on carbs tonight? Its kinda like going to a basketball game o-or track-and-field. You’ve gotta have energy for tomorrow. Especially if you’re gonna be throwing things with your mind and-” you silence his jabbering with a gentle kiss.
He sits down beside you, his hands hesitantly wrapping around your body to pull you closer to him.
You push him down onto his back, the file for the mission long forgotten, and straddle his waist. He grabs your hips and squeezes tightly. Through his actions, you can almost feel the anxiety he feels about you going on this mission.
You pull your lips from his and pant softly, holding his cheeks and pressing your forehead to his. “I’ll be safe, Peter. I promise.” He kisses your lips again then sighs, “I know, but I’ll still worry about you. You... I... I think that you’ve made my life so much better. And I really don’t wanna lose you.” You smile and open your eyes, looking up into his deep beautiful brown orbs.
“You mean the world to me, Peter. Without you... I’m not sure what I’d do. I’m so glad that I have you.” He kisses your lips a third time then leans his head down on the pillow.
You lie down on his body, legs tangled with his and head on his chest. He traces light patterns on your back and you exhale deeply, relaxing into your boyfriend.
~*~
“Shit! Nat! Help!” Your sister’s voice calls through the comms.
Your blood runs cold at her cry of pain and for a moment you see red. Moving with speed and determination that you didn't know you possessed, you tear through the HYDRA agents on the outside of the building, quickly getting inside the base and running to the room where your sister and Nat are supposed to be gathering intel.
Holly’s on the ground, a HYDRA agent holding her throat.
You muster up your powers and launch the man off of her, running to her side and helping her to stand. “Okay ladies, I’ve got the hard drive. Let’s get the Hell out of here before someone gets seriously hurt.”
You and Holly follow after Nat towards the door, each of you with a weapon raised.
A small round ball-like thing rolls into the room and you gasp, eyebrows raising to your hairline.
“Get back!” You yell, twisting your arms in a circle and creating a shield just as the grenade explodes.
You get thrown across the room and hit the wall hard enough for all of the other people in the room to hear the cracks of your bones.
“(Y/n)!” Holly cries, running towards you while Nat takes care of the HYDRA agents.
“What happened?” Steve’s voice asks in her ear.
“We need an evac. Now,” Nat’s voice says. Holly grabs your cheeks and sniffles, pleading softly for you to open your eyes. Her fingers find your neck and she feels for a pulse, a sob bursting out of her as she feels nothing.
“Nat! There’s no pulse! W-what do I do?!” The redhead appears next to your sister and takes a deep breath. “I need all the help I can get, guys. Starting compressions.” Nat starts pumping her hands on your chest, trying to get your heart beating again.
Holly sits beside you, one of your hands cradled in both of hers.
“Please (Y/n). I’m so sorry for not being there. I’m so so sorry. Please wake up. Please. Please wake up.”
It takes hardly a minute for Tony to meet them in the room, tears in his eyes as he sees your lifeless form on the ground, Natasha still doing compressions. “Get her to the Quinjet. Get FRIDAY to do something to save her!” Holly almost yells.
“I can give her a shock, Boss. 200 joules should do it.” Tony looks at his hands then nods.
“Charge ‘em up FRIDAY.”
He kneels in front of your body and, after FRIDAY giving him a quick tutorial, presses his makeshift defibrillators to your chest. Your body jolts with the contact and Holly sobs.
“Read vitals,” Tony whispers.
FRIDAY takes a moment but eventually responds.
“Heartbeat detected.”
He lets out a sigh of relief then carefully scoops your body up in his arms, flying you to the Quinjet. As you lie helpless and vulnerable in his arms, he realizes just how important you are to him and everyone else on the team.
~*~
You wake up to a soft voice whispering near your ear.
It takes you a few minutes, but you eventually manage to figure out how to work your body again.
“...and I swear I’ll never let you go. You died out there and I thought I was going to die when they told me. I can't live without you cause you mean too much to me. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe cause I love you. They don’t really want me in here, I should be training, but there’s no way I’m leaving you until you wake up. So please (Y/n), open those pretty eyes for me. Please wake up. Please.”
It takes a lot more energy than you expected, but you manage to pull your eyelids back a tiny bit, squinting against the harsh lights in the room.
“Peter?” Your voice is scratchy and hoarse and sounds absolutely awful.
“Oh my God, (Y/n)! You’re awake! I-I need to get the doctor! Or mister Stark.” He jumps up, freezing in his tracks as you squeeze his hand. “Don't leave me, Peter. Please don’t leave me.” He hesitates for a moment then sits back down.
“I really oughta tell someone that you’re awake. You might need painkillers or something.” Your eyes water and he’s quick to kiss away the tears. “But I won’t leave you, (Y/n). I promise I won’t.” You nod, wincing as your head throbs.
“FRIDAY? Can you please call Mister Stark and the Doctor? (Y/n)’s awake now,” Peter says. The AI agrees and in a few minutes, multiple people come barreling into your room.
“(Y/n). I’m glad to see that you’re awake and talking. You had us worried for a little while there,” The doctor says with a kind smile. You look up at her then over at your sister. “Did... did I actually die?” Tony and the Doctor sigh while your sister makes a noise of pain.
“Your heart stopped beating, yes. And if Mister Stark and Miss Romanoff hadn’t acted as fast as they did, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
You ponder this for a moment then look up at each person in the room.
“You... why?” Tony sits at the foot of your bed, Your sister and Natasha right behind him. “(Y/n), you sacrificed your life for the team. You gave your life for these two morons here. We... we might not be the best at showing it, but you mean an awful lot to us. We’d... we’d be lost without you. Your little snarky remarks whenever Cap says something you don’t like... the way you can always comfort anyone, no matter what. You’re loved and you’re needed. Don’t even get me started on how much the Spiderkid needs you. When he found out you were hurt he almost went crazy. He hasn’t left your side the whole week. Took a lot of convincing and Capsicle physically removing him from the room to get him to take a shower.”
“We love you, (Y/n). And I’m so so sorry that we ever made you feel like we don’t,” Nat says with a small smile. You nod, looking down for a moment.
“I’m sure you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. We’ll give you some time. If you need anything at all, let us know, alright?” You nod at Tony and watch as him and Nat walk out.
“(Y/n)... you’ve been saving my life since we were kids. Thank you. I... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you, but I’ll spend the rest of my damn life trying. I’ll be annoying and overbearing, as long as you know how much I love and appreciate you,” Holly whispers, gently patting your leg before getting up and leaving the room.
A dark-haired man enters the room after a moment, a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad to see that you’re alive and well, (Y/n). They haven’t stopped worrying about you ever since you were brought here. I don’t think you’re quite as forgotten as you’d like to think.” A few tears slide down your cheeks and you sniffle.
“Thank you, Loki. For always being there for me when I felt so alone. Thank you.” He dips his head in a mock bow then leaves the room, letting you sit in silence.
“I hope you know that no matter what you feel, I’ll always be here for you,” Peter says softly from beside you, his eyes cast down to where your hands are joined.
“Of course I do, Peter. I love you with my entire heart and I know you love me. I know that we’ll always have each other.”
Summary: After six months of being scared to express your grief over Tony’s death, one night of babysitting his daughter with Peter brings it all to the surface.
Warnings: Major Endgame spoilers, crying, mentions of death
A/N: I don’t own Peter Parker or anything else from the Marvel universe!
“Alright, little bug, it’s time you were in bed!” you announced as the credits rolled on Peter Pan, Morgan’s Disney movie of choice at the moment. She pouted at you, before slowly shifting her gaze over to Peter. He scrambled upright on the sofa, shaking his head at her rapidly.
“Don’t look at me with the puppy eyes, I won’t be able to resist!” he protested dramatically, covering his eyes. The little girl giggled in glee, climbing over you to sit on his lap.
“Please, Peter? Pretty please?” she begged. He sighed, peeking over at you and seeing you shake your head with a grin.
“Unfortunately, Miss Stark, (Y/N)’s in charge of me too and she says it’s bedtime,” he told her, making you roll your eyes. “I can give you a piggyback to bed though.”
You watched with a soft smile on your face as your boyfriend lifted the little girl onto his back and made his way up the stairs to her bedroom. She was so like her father, and part of you still stubbornly believed that he’d walk through the door any day now.
But he wouldn’t. You’d watched him die, powerless to save him.
You hadn’t let yourself mourn for the last six months. Mourning would mean you’d really lost Tony Stark, and you weren’t ready to exist in a world without him. You had held Peter as he cried and grieved and cursed the world that took him away, and had watched as he gained the strength to live without him. You didn’t think you’d ever gain that strength.
Taking a quick breath to steady yourself, you climbed the stairs to say goodnight to Morgan.
“-and next time I’m babysitting, we can watch two whole movies, I promise,” Peter was babbling away to her as he tucked her blankets up to her chin. She grinned up at him, and you felt a sharp pang in your heart at how like Tony’s that grin was.
“You’re the best, Petey,” she told him. He turned to you with a fake-surprised expression on his face.
“You hear that, (Nickname)? I’m the best!”
“Well if Morgan says so then it must be true,” you replied with a smile, sitting on the edge of the mattress and leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “Sleep tight, cutie.”
You got up to follow Peter out the door, but a tiny voice froze you in place.
“Will you stay? I miss my daddy.”
Peter sent you a panicked look, one which was mirrored on your own face. You nodded almost imperceptibly at him, silently telling him to go downstairs.
“I’ll stay, little bug,” you promised, sitting with your back against the headboard and letting her cuddle into your side.
“Do you think Daddy knows I still love him?” she asked, looking up at you with those big brown eyes. You smiled sadly at her.
“He definitely knows, Morgan. And he still loves you with all his heart.”
She nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer as she rested her head on your stomach and closed her eyes to go to sleep.
You clapped your hand over your mouth to stop any sobs escaping as tears spilled from your eyes. Morgan’s words had finally driven the message home that Tony wasn’t coming back, and all of the grief that you’d been holding back since his death hit you like a tsunami.
Glancing down to make sure she was definitely asleep, you slipped out of her embrace and gently laid her head on the pillow. You pulled the blankets up to her chin again, just managing to hold it together for long enough to get out the room and shut the door before your tears choked you.
Your eyes burned with finally allowing the tears to fall, and your breath came in ragged gasps. You felt tiny and alone, and your heart broke for the girl without a father in the next room.
You forced yourself to go downstairs. There’d be nothing worse than Morgan seeing you so upset.
Peter was in the kitchen, cleaning away the bowls that you’d used at dinner. He looked up as he heard your feet on the stairs, and started speaking without turning to face you.
“Pepper won’t be home for another couple hours if you wanna watch another movie? I was thinking-”
He finally turned, and his words dried up in his mouth as he took in the tears streaming down your cheeks and the way you hugged your waist like you were scared of falling apart.
“Oh sweetheart,” he breathed, setting the plate he’d been drying down and crossing the room to take you in his arms. You let out a choking sob and clung to him like a lifeline, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His hands were still wet with soap suds but his warmth and presence were grounding you and holding you together.
“I miss him so much,” you cried, the grief in your voice making you sound no older than Morgan. Peter’s heart shattered at the fear he heard from you, and he pulled you impossibly closer and pressed a kiss to your hairline.
“I miss him too, baby. I miss him too.”
The two of you stayed like that for what could have easily been forever, just two teenagers trying to live in a world without their hero.
A/N: The queen of angst is back! Feedback and requests are always welcome in my ask!
