we made it...no, not to 2012 but through the "cleanse". Juicing was definitely an experiment and i have to give props to laura who single handedly was my chef the past 3 days. She made every juice drink for me and had me ready for the day and did just about everything but pull me out of bed in the mornings. Its been a crazy/rough past few days, yet some very amazing things have happened to the people around me and its those things that have helped me smile and helped me see that we all have the ups and downs and everyone will have those days where you will never forget that feeling for the rest of your life. I can say that typically the past few nights, i got home and put myself to bed just to make it a little easier not to snack. I also needed the rest so I thought i was helping myself both ways. The juicing really wasnt that bad...theres plenty of juice, so those times when youre just bored and think youre hungry, grab a juice and it helps. So you dont starve.
This morning I woke up and for sure thought I would want chick fil a mini biscuits or some sort of bread with cheese, but actually i was satisfied and didnt even eat anything until about 10am. I feel good today (yet I am off the next 4 days,tgif) and i am in that mood where i dont want to put gross things in my body and counteract what I did. My nails have grown, its strange for me. My skin does feel better and in general I am just proud of Laura and I. It definitely was easier together and the past few days were, just having her support.
I havent spoken much to people about my love life and its not me blocking people out but I really have been through a lot of the discussions with people who give advice but dont take their own and I am guilty of the same. I like to think I am a big girl, i know what i need to do and I dont want to be pulled because I am too concerned with other opinions than myself. We do know ourselves best and sometimes you have to void out others and figure out your own head. I have a lot of very supportive friends and I love their company and that they make me smile, and i just cant really always tell what I am thinking. I think for myself and others I know, you really need to love yourself before you can make anything work and truly love somebody else...and by that I dont mean that I think I am awful or I am depressed, but i want to love what I do, in the moment I am in, and i want to learn to take it all in and find the positive. I spent way too much my time in "what ifs" and "could have, should have, maybe still..." and I seriously will stress myself out all day over something I cant go back and do. My best friend told me last night, as she laid there in the hospital bed after having a baby, that who in the hell says you cant fix something, but fix yourself first. every person is different, every feeling is different, and so is everyday.
With all this said, i am having a delicious dinner tonight, having the next 4 days off and getting up to the roots of our nation (DC) to visit another very best friend. Its a small one bedroom condo but it feels more like home than many places I ever visit. I walk in and just plop down at the island stool, toss my phone down and tell her to fix me. We have watched each other up,down, backwards, forwards and she is never judgmental of me, only humans make mistakes, and one way or another...we will laugh at ourselves for them or maybe cheers to ourselves on a rooftop with an IPA.
have a safe weekend for those off monday, if not....take a sick day:)