Once a year I have a dream about going to Disney, and I make all these efforts to go, and then I never actually show up and ride any rides.
This last time, I was in a hotel room, prepping to go there. We were going to take a ski lift to get into the park. I remember being on top of the SKi lift, looking down at the park like it's a map. There's a place called "Furb Mountain." It's literally a mountain sized furby. I get so excited about climbing Furb mountain, that I accidentally wake myself up.
i think the earth is in love with breaking down. crumbling mountains, washes from rain, mold. its all things the world using to force things back into itself. it's constantly shifting, going through re-iterations of itself. and it is going to fix itself. the earth wants things to be a part of itself. heat melts, wind cuts, water pushes, dirt pinches and crushes. it all works together in little ways.
you'd think they're competing with each other. nature is the winner with the longest streak- she has mastered plants and poison and decay and she uses it all to her advantage.
my coworkers love to share about their lives and their projects. they will willingly offer their social media before you ask. and i will take and add them and watch and love it.
but i dont share much. ive never kept pictures up or expressed too deep an opinion or described what i do outside of work. and i just realized its because i grew up with there being one computer and chat rooms and i realized my mom would never approve or understand my online friends, so i became extremely good at being general- i will tell you a fact that happened but you will learn nothing from it.
i will express that i stay up too late at night scrolling Instagram, but no one would ever learn that i was looking at furby mods.
i would drive to your house if you asked me to... i could find it, quite easily. i could drive to your house from anywhere in town without looking... but id only be able to do it at night.
nothing looks the same in the daytime, and town looks different without the beautiful lens of dim car lights.
and if you asked me to drive your house, i would be able to drive there confidently 5 years from now.
just because i know where you live, does NOT mean i know your address. i WILL ask for your address once a month, and I will look at all the things i think about sending you but dont. and even though i could drive across town to give them to you, i am too in love with the idea of someday sending them and you not expecting it when something lands at your doorstep.
I wasn’t looking for anything or anyone. I’d just dropped my best friend off for a first date, and went to the bar to wait for them.
At the bar, I spoke to a couple regulars. As they were about to leave, a young guy in a jumpsuit approached the “regulars corner” of the bar and ordered a drink.
“Aw, man. Everyone’s leaving?? I just got off work.” he said.
I give him a look. He has broad shoulders and one of those hipster haircuts where the sideburns seem to long. He has both of the sleeves of his arms tattooed. And well.
“I’ll drink with you,” I say. I gesture to my drink. “I just got something new anyways.”
We spend the next hour talking. He shares an expensive bottle of mead with me. We talk about Dnd and videogames and hiking. He says he loves DMing for campaigns. I give him my number for gaming.
“You and I should hang out.” he texts me.
That following Sunday, we meet at a Japanese Restaurant. It’s April Fools day. He gives me a beautiful 20-sided die.
My hands are shaking. “This is beautiful. It reminds me of something I’ve read about.” I tell him.
We roll the die for the success of our date. I roll a 3 and offer to leave. He rolls a 17 and asks me to stay. We eat japanese food then later go to a coffee shop to talk. He and I spend literal hours together. I try to scare him off by being as honest as possible. He’s unswayed and shares his own past.
On Monday we meet at the same bar. I’d brought him a book to read. He also brought me a book, and also gifts me a set of Dnd Dice in a pink hand-crocheted bag. I feel llike he’s moving pretty quickly, but accept it.
We date for like a month, then our regular bar’s anniversary comes up. He’d been kind of distant but I figured it to work. He literally tests Jet engines as a career.
When I show up to the anniversary party, he’s sitting at a group of 5 people. There’s a beautiful blonde girl right next to him. He keeps whispering to her. I approach him. He seems cold but is talking to me. He buys the whole table, except for me, anniversary t-shirts for the bar. I watch him whisper to the blonde girl, asking to take her home.
I want to leave, so I ask him to walk me to my car.
“I’m just gonna walk her to her car!!” he announces loudly to the table. It felt too obvious but I went with it.
At my car, I asked him what was going on. He tried to claim nothing was going on. I asked him about that girl. “She and I have been friends for a while.” he answers.
“We’re not going to hang out again, are we?” I ask.
“No!! You and I are fine. We’re gonna hang out again... text me when you get home. “ he says. He quickly hugs me then walks back to the bar.
I text him, but he doesn’t reply. In fact, he avoids social media for a few days. A Week later he finally opens my text and by then I figure I’ve been ghosted.
Two weeks later, I run into him at the bar again. He admits to trying to ghost me. We have a really rough conversation about what happened. For the first time, I drink wayyyy too much and drive home drunk. I wake up with the worst hangover of my life. It felt fitting that our relationship ended with a hangover. He apparently avoids going to that bar anymore. It’s been weird.
