#pharma kin

[multiedits]

ᴘʜᴀʀᴍᴀ (ᴛʀᴀɴꜱꜰᴏʀᴍᴇʀꜱ)

ɪᴄᴏɴꜱ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ: ᴍᴇᴅɪᴄᴀʟᴄᴏʀᴇ; ʜᴏʀʀᴏʀᴄᴏʀᴇ

[villainkinconfessions]

Let me be clear: I am not apologizing because I don't particularly feel as if what I did was wrong. I don't feel bad. I did what I did and I had fun doing it.

But I do sometimes wish things had turned out a little differently. Like I had a chance to explain. Or like the DJD gave me a chance to explain. Primus knows they certainly wouldn't have, but if I could change absolutely anything, you know?

But whatever. Ambulon is dead (thankfully by my hands, something quick and easy and not nearly like what they might do) and First Aid has to deal with the bulk of my problems. Ratchet had his career saved. He owes me big time. I remain the superior doctor.

If any of the Delphi crew exist out there, let's hope they're doing a little better now. All of that nonsense was a hot, steaming pile of organic shit.

- Pharma from Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye

.

[kincalling]

hello, I'm Pharma from Transformers: MTMTE/Lost Light, the comic series. I'm looking for Ambulon and First Aid.

I was sent to Delphi first, and the other two soon after. I played the piano in my down time, and Ambulon occasionally tried it. he wasn't very good, but was an excellent singer. our doors didn't close properly if the temperature dropped too low, and I could hear him singing along from inside his hab- mine was just across the hall. I was deeply in love with him, but too cowardly and too worried to ever say anything. First Aid was a friend, and kinder to me than he needed to be. he tended to get distracted in his work, but was honestly a caring and talented nurse. he showed a lot of promise! on the few occasions we could freely chat, I think we mostly discussed current fashion and frame trends back on cybertron. we both enjoyed that bit of indulgence.

during extremely cold snaps, or when the power went out in Delphi, the three of us huddled in my room together to keep warm. I remember Ambulon holding the edges of one of my wings to keep them from completely freezing. I wasn't crying, but close to it. Aid was huddled between us, as the smallest and least built for cold. we survived each time, with no major losses, but it got worrying sometimes.

I did my best to be nicer, but I still had a tendency to lash out while under duress. I'm deeply sorry for that. when Tarn contacted me, he threatened me with the Voice and continued to do so whenever he could find an excuse to break it out. I wanted to protect Delphi, and even though it hurt like hell, I thought this was the only way. then, Tarn acquired Garrus-9. at least thats what he told me. I don't know if thats true, maybe he just wanted to kill us and made up a lie that he knew I couldn't check. the DJD slaughtered all of us. me last. they mostly went through the patients after locking us up, separately, then came for us. Delphi burned to the ground. I could smell the smoke from the basement.

if any of this is familiar, please interact with this post, and I'm very sorry.

- Pharma, Delphi Medical Outpost CMO

🎧

[fictionkinfessional]

“What’s it like to be possessed by a Adaptus, Pharma?” well I could tell you that it sucks knowing that your mind isn’t actually your own. Or your body. Or you actions. But rather than be emo over it, I’m just going to say I’m god kin now - Pharma (Transformers)

[dear-fictionkin]

Dear my beloved Doctor, Ratchet, as well as First Aid and Ambulon, I owe you an apology. I was never the most kind individual. I had difficulty showing my appreciation for you and couldn’t show my admiration. I’m doing this now. I’m very sorry for how I reacted and for my downfall. It doesn’t make a difference but I allowed myself to be manipulated by Tarn and his charms. Thank you for all that you did for me and being loyal and faithful to me until the end. Sincerely, Pharma (Transformers)

[kinformer]

pharma's a bit weird for me because?? sometimes, it's incredibly negative when i'm connected to him in the sense that i couldn't handle a problem, it was my responsibility and i snapped under pressure. i should be good enough, but i'm not and i'm just a disappointment

but then, i'm just fuck it, i'm gonna have fun, poke fun at others, laugh at terrible jokes, be smug shit and just enjoy myself and no one can stop me.

the latter obviously feels better, but they're both destructive in their own right in the sense that the second one lacks a certain care for others when people get in the way of that.

[kinformer]

i've been thinking about pharma all day, and the more i consider it, the more i realize how it can help me. pharma is by no means a perfect character, and i am not a perfect person. i'm not perfect. i mess up, i mess up so much, but i can't admit i made a mistake, not a genuine mistake that i can just laugh off. i'll never ask for help because i'm not supposed to, i'm supposed to be good enough to do it on my own.

i have to learn that there's no shame in asking for help. but i can't admit i'm not perfect to others, not when i'm lacking in such confidence myself. if i show i'm weak, they'd tear me down.

but i have to trust somebody. there's no competition, it's all in my head.

but no it's not, i have to try and be better, otherwise i'll be left behind.

i need to stop, that's what. thinking cyclically isn't going to help me or anyone else. but what do i do? 

[kinformer]

Feeling pharma a whole lot tonight. Might be because my dad is screaming so much so I feel angry and stressed and genuinely afraid. I don't really want to feel like pharma when I'm like this, but it's what I feel the most. It's just a mix of doubt and uncertainty and internal conflict. I feel so angry and frustrated, but also so very fearful and cowardly. But the fact is I am a coward, I do make mistakes and I dwell on them far too much. Pharma feels so right, but it's the worst parts of me. I knew that much, but to perceive it with such clarity is...something I haven't experienced in a while.