#phire acts

[propheticfire]

Holy shit you guys, Paula Burrows (the voice actor for @dragonprinceofficial‘s character Rayla) is following my @askvirenswife twitter account! I am deceased. Absolutely deceased.

[propheticfire]

genkigeist replied to your post “Man I really fucked up the timing on the @askvirenswife blog, didn’t...”

Honestly you should be able to do whatever you want as far as non-canon stuff goes, right? That's why fanfic exists! Plus I've read fanfic that has made me appreciate a character even more, because it offers some bits of characterization that I had never thought of before!

I'm sure that someone as talented as you can definitely bring some life into the character. Also, you should do what makes you happy, and I can tell this is something you're passionate about. I say go for it! :)

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

I am so, so grateful for your words. Thank you so much. I know I’ve kind of plastered this all over my dash recently, because I don’t have a lot of irl people I can talk to about this. This means a lot to me, to know that you hear me and you’re supportive. It means so much. I really appreciate that you’re here. Thank you, thank you. I think I am gonna continue with the blog, and just weather the storm of whatever canon gives us. I’ll try not to let canon get me too anxious. I’m proud of the character that I’ve created; I think she’s nuanced and surprising and true to life, and I do want to share her. That’s gotta count for something, right?

[propheticfire]

thatdemonboi replied to your post “Man I really fucked up the timing on the @askvirenswife blog, didn’t...”

she isn’t canon YET so GO NUTS MY DUDE and besides fuck canon anyways

be the first while everyone else follows when shit comes out. be the trendsetter. 👀

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I really appreciate you. Thank you. Bless you. I needed to hear that. I’m still so anxious about this project. I thought it would be fun, and the actual doing the recordings and stuff is really fun. But I also wanted her to feel like she had a real place in the Dragon Prince world, y’know? I guess I wanted to prove that I could believably bring to life a character in that world. So, yes, fuck canon. But also, without canon, we don’t have the foundations of the worlds in which we play. And I didn’t want to be the “alternate” Viren’s ex-wife. I wanted to be THE Viren’s ex-wife. So lol I’m just struggling with a lot of things. But I really do appreciate your support. It means so much to me. *hugs*

[propheticfire]

Man I really fucked up the timing on the @askvirenswife blog, didn’t I? I thought I had a great idea and I thought she’d be free real estate, but now apparently she’s gonna be in a book next year? And who knows what details Season 4 will reveal. *deep sigh* This was...a dumb idea, wasn’t it?

[propheticfire]

Do you have a voice acting demo reel or portfolio out there? You've said you're interested in voice acting work, and that's the best way to get noticed.

I do not, but I appreciate you thinking of me.

Acting and I have…a contentious relationship. I used to be pursuing it pretty hardcore, but a few years ago a bunch of unrelated life things happened to me simultaneously that left me kind of a mess. I am still recovering from that, and acting got wrapped up in that mess, so I still have a lot of trauma and anxiety regarding that. I do like acting, and yeah of course I dream of working on a project that I really love and am super invested in (*cough* The Dragon Prince *cough*), but the actual work of chasing it and putting myself out there is, tbh, too emotionally taxing. I dunno if that means I “don’t want it bad enough”, or if it just means I’m a human with some hurts to heal from. So I dream that someday I’ll get lucky and something will fall in my lap, even though I know that’s not how it works, because it’s about all my heart can take. This @askvirenswife thing I started is the first “acting” of any kind I’ve done in a long time. And even opening myself up to that again has been a challenge. So who knows? Maybe someday, in the future, if I’ve healed enough, I could try to pursue it again. But right now, it would have to miraculously fall from the sky in front of me.

[propheticfire]

Me: Yes everyone's asleep and the house is quiet! Time to go downstairs and do some audioblog recording.

The fridge in the basement: Bitch you THOUGHT. *whrrrrrrrrrr*

[propheticfire]

The Universe is a Little Shit and it’s laughing at me.

So yesterday I went on a big angsty acting rant. Some of you saw that. I think I needed to get that out. Also thanks for all the kind words that were sent my way; I really appreciated that.

Anyway, so today my cousin calls me. She’s of my mom’s generation, and we really only see each other at the annual family reunion; we’re not super close. Anyway, she calls and she’s like “My granddaughter loves playing dress-up and gets so enraptured watching movies; I think I should take her to a play. Can you suggest any places I can take her? I know you were really into all that and you probably know a lot of places.” And I did suggest a community theatre close by, but I was just like...this is awfully strange timing for my cousin who I never interact with to call me and ask about theatre stuff.

*looks at Universe* What game are you playing?

[propheticfire]

*sigh*

Feeling anxious again because the Ask Viren’s Ex-Wife askblog is less than a day old and I’m already panicking that she’s gonna actually show up in the show and my whole project will be worthless. Why did I do this? Why did I decide this would be a good idea? I was all excited to be acting again, even if it is just in amateur form, but it’s also given me the stupid irrational hope that maybe someday I could work on an official piece of media that I loved and cared about. Like this fucking show. Just...fuck fuck fuck. I don’t wanna be here again. I don’t wanna be all emotionally messed up like this again. I’m just a normal person now, with a normal boring day job. I’m not an “actor” anymore. I’m not even close to being in a position where working on this show would be a possibility. I stopped pursuing acting because stuff got fucked up and I couldn’t deal with it, and now I’m the fool who’s dipping my toe back into that water. I was a good actor, damn it. I was good. They let me into the Shakespeare class that only upperclassmen in college could take as a sophomore because I was that fucking good. Now I’m just another washed-up has-been who used to have big dreams. And when I see those things that I used to want get close to my orbit, it just makes me so sad. It hurts in a way I can’t even begin to describe. And of course I’m not gonna quit the askblog, because until Viren’s wife shows up in canon I can still play her as a fan, and it’s still gonna be fun(?) until then. But I’m just...having a harder time with this than I thought I would. Lol I thought this would be a safe way to practice acting again. Whoops.