#physicsgradschool

[physicallyok]

My contract said

20 hours/week.

I am told you can’t do groundbreaking research

When you only work 20 hours/week.

You can’t be competitive

If you only work 20 hours/week.

Then tell me.

Why am I only paid for 20 hours/week?

[physicallyok]

More and more lately

I realize that the environment

The one I resided in for years

Was toxic which is strange

As I was one of the people

Who had reasonable advisors

It makes me feel guilty

For feeling so salty

When others had it so much worse.

[physicallyok]

Up and down

My mental state

Goes up and down

It plays with me

Yanks me around

Some days it's good

Other days feeling I've misunderstood

Redundant

I'm not sure if there's a reason

To be here when they're around

When I will be leaving when the summer is over and done.

[physicallyok]

Noted

Work home balance is hard to come by

When do you draw the line

Before your mind snaps or after

When does too much become too much to handle

When is the personal cost too much

Justifying it to yourself doesn’t work anymore

And you break down crying when you finally realize

If this is the only way to fulfill your dreams

You’re better off without them.

[physicallyok]

you’ll figure it out

the first thing to know is that you know nothing

but compared to you everyone else here knows something

as they get straight As and you do just okay

it’s concerning what that must say about you

[physicallyok]

a sad truth

There’s not too much art or much fiction written

about studiers of hard sciences which makes sense given

for the past six years all my time has been spent working and bettering my mind.

the stuff of physics is tough and continuously consumes unbidden.