I’ve lost a piece of me.
Everything just hits too close to home.
Every evening I cry because she’s not there.
It’s only been two months.
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sheepfilms

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shark vs the universe

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@theartofmadeline
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Xuebing Du
trying on a metaphor
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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blake kathryn
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
we're not kids anymore.
Stranger Things
h
Three Goblin Art

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@physicallyok
I’ve lost a piece of me.
Everything just hits too close to home.
Every evening I cry because she’s not there.
It’s only been two months.
I’m so torn
Nobody is ready for a time like this.
Am I being selfish?
Nobody is ready for a time like this.
Performance reviews herald a wave of depression- every year no matter what.
I’d like to believe one of these days the cycle will end and I won’t struggle to be okay anymore.
What I desire most is to be good at what I do, and I would settle for being okay at my job.
Just okay, average, fine.
Is that too much to ask?
The girl in the purple hoodie - she’s the one I draw when I’m overwhelmed.
When she appears in my art I know my mental state is… not necessarily bad, but different.
Usually thinking deep and feeling deep mean bad things for me but not always.
My worst fears haunt me, filling me with dread.
What do I do but draw the girl in the purple hoodie instead?
I’ve heard of the preference
To use instead of “stupid”
Use “careless mistake”
The substitution triggers me more
Because I care deeply.
There is very little I do uncaringly.
A better option?
Maybe “thoughtless”
Because a lack of thought doesn’t always mean a lack of care.
My brain screwed up and now I want to bash my head in.
I want to punish myself and let the pain win.
I can’t regulate my brain that way, I’m well aware…
But the guilt is getting difficult to bear.
How do I make new associations in my brain?
Why does some stuff stick and not others?
How does it all fall apart when I try to keep it in?
I feel a deep seated urge to punish myself for forgetting what I needed to learn.
How do I instill in my brain the motivation not to make the same mistakes?
I thought I was doing well
Truly, I believed this.
Mistakes are hiding
Notice is taken in their wake
Why won’t my brain make the connections and proper associations?
I’m not sure.
I’m never sure and I feel like shit for making rookie mistakes almost two years in.
I can’t explain it.
I’m sorry for my anxiety
Sometimes it just creeps up behind me
Then I think it’s gone
I think it’s better now
But I’m aware deep down
I’m not better now
Not completely
That’s part of the beauty of the world.
Nothing’s ever perfect
Tonight is a time we’re expected to make a big deal about our adult fun time.
I’ve done so all weekend. Now I am falling asleep on the night of Valentine’s and I can’t participate in the festivities.
That is 100% fine.
The secrets aren’t something
Not something I share
I must always be cryptic lest it be seen by those that care.
I don’t think anyone reads this but sometimes I wish they would.
I’m settling for that they possibly could.
Nausea at the cafe
The food there was good
Is this a coincidence
Am I thinking more than I should?
I’m very worried
I think I should be
No posts on insta
Not since last year.
Can’t do anything
Nothing but worry.
I have work
Don’t live close enough
But I care so very much.
I often wonder how others fall into sleep’s sensual embrace
There is so much of life that is dark and that we must spend without sight naturally in our gaze
I could not spend more of it asleep when there was always so little to begin with.
The problems in the book I was reading reminded me too much of climate change- the helplessness, the worry.
It all became too much on top of my feelings about reality. So the book is on my kindle- unfinished until I work up the energy to keep reading.
When you take on a responsibility, you commit to making it work one way or another.
If you can’t do it, you fucking make sure it gets done by someone else.
Unfinished
I don't feel like I'm done yet. I feel like there's still something left.
I can't be done solving problems. Can't be done with the challenge.
There is something satisfying about being able to do a limited number of things well, it's true...
But the way I feel when I look at physics problems seems right.
It feels like the pieces are falling into place.
Even though it is difficult, it feels like I am where I belong.
How do I reconcile this feeling with all the others?