a reflection of pi
Last night was great. It did not exceed nor fall short of my expectations. It was simply exactly what I wanted it to be...a simple night of prayer and worship.
I understand that I don’t really express how I feel, anymore. I try my best to refrain from venting out my anger on tumblr/social media or going to someone when I need someone to talk to. I have been keeping to myself a little more than usual compared to the past years, and it’s unhealthy for me. I’ve been cultivating anger in my heart and I know that it doesn’t make my stressful life any easier. There are so many things that can really get the best of my patience, and I tend to dwell on those exasperating thoughts. Despite how goofy, happy, and funny I’ll be on the outside, I’ll admit it right here...I am low-key angry all the time about something.
I won’t say that I needed last night because I understand fully that I didn’t need it to begin with. I am a 21 year old guy who should understand what is needed and what is needed to be done in his life. The worship was great, the fellowship was amazing, and the fact that my hands are in pain from banging on the cajon makes last night even more worth it. Seeing teenagers come together as one big group to praise the Holy Spirit brings joy to my heart. But...I didn’t need last night.
We should stop treating prayer as if we were talking to a teddy bear. Let’s grow up a bit and realize that teddy bear isn’t going to do anything for you. Stop talking to God, and start talking with Him. Pour out your heart. Confess your sin. Cry to Him in your times of despair. Thank Him for the times of joy and blessing. That’s what we need to do more of...treating prayer as a real conversation with our Father, rather than some emergency hotline.
I just need more prayer time with Him. If these vexing thoughts and feelings will ever be deleted from my heart, I know that it will be through love of Jesus Christ. Again, I didn’t need last night...I just need prayer.