#piccoli istanti

[persa-tra-i-miei-pensieri]

Sei il mio ricordo dolce amaro

Ah i ricordi, sono calore e gelo allo stesso tempo

Ti scaldano il cuore nel ricordare quegli istanti

E te lo gelano quando pensi che ormai di quegli istanti resta solo quello, solo il ricordo.

I ricordi sono sorrisi e lacrime, sono fitte al petto e abbraccio di polvere, di frammenti, di momenti.

Il ricordo è come un esserino invisibile che si poggia sulle tue spalle e ci resta per tutto il giorno sussurrandoti all'orecchio di tanto in tanto qualche dettaglio di quel giorno che pensavi di aver rimosso

Il ricordo è nostalgico, non ti fa vivere pienamente il presente, si impossessa di te nell'arco di tutta la giornata facendoti rimanere incastrata nel passato

Il ricordo è amaro e guarda caso se vari di due lettere ritorna amore

[doorsangel]

A tale from the past

I remember when internalized homophobia and intersecting lgbt identities were all cancelling out into a big old "I'm normal".

I was a teenager and living in an artificial Lesbo. I could not touch or talk to boys, I could not even show any kind of interest in them. All I had left was to make myself a pure little angel in public and romanticize any breathing creature in private.

At that time, a gay relationship was so easy to hide that I ended up having one kind of unintentionally.

I loved them so much. They were my best friend. And hiding with them in the girls bathroom was only the natural consequence.

Yet every time I would come out of that cramped hidden space, the religious guilt would strike and I felt disgusted with myself and with them.

That, I interpreted, was my heterosexuality.

We would talk about boys. I would talk about boys and they would listen. I loved them so much. They were my best friend. It felt so natural to be sharing romantic and personal stories about my life with someone I loved, it felt like opening my heart and sharing the love itself. They were so jealous, they hated it. What does being polyamorous even mean?

That, I interpreted, was my heterosexuality.

On some days, our relationship was a joyful friendship, embellished with sneaky sexy looks. We were definitely horny teenagers. On some other days I would look at their sweet curves and gentle figure. They were the most beautiful lily I had ever seen. I needed to trace that beauty with a poem and hold them in my arms. What does being aroflux even mean?

That, I interpreted, was my heterosexuality.

Today we're just friends, touching you just disgusts me and I have feelings for other people. Tomorrow you're my muse, my lust for you is just unbearable and all I can think about is you.

I was straight. I was mono. Alloromantic. Indoctrinated.

Abused.

[tuchesorridisempre]

Ma l'amore per me è nei piccoli istanti In un bisogno sospeso In uno scambio di sguardi

[doorsangel]

A girl's newly found freedom

[doorsangel]

My body really wants me to be a boy

Dear internet,

as the partner of a non binary person, and as a young adult in the 21st century really, I deal every day with the feelings and ideas surrounding gender issues. But today I'd like to be selfish for a bit, and speak of dysphoria in a different light, briefly enough not to be exhaustive, but extensively enough to be exhausting to most of you.

You might be thinking "What have you, a cis woman, to say about gender dysphoria that hasn't already been said by people that were born in a body which doesn't match their soul?".

All of my gender queer friends out there, must know how powerful hormones are at affecting our body, and I, as a young medical student, am really coming to understand it.

I identify as a woman, I like being a woman, but my hormones in the past few years have said otherwise. I've been battling thick facial and body hair and fat redistribution for years now, and this morning, as I was looking at myself in the mirror I was once again pushed to give in. "My body really wants me to be a boy. I should let it do its thing, at this point", I thought. Looking at the thick black hair under my chin that I can't keep up with plucking, and the sweet facial structure it grows upon, I couldn't help but feel like an abomination. Despite the softness of my breasts, the way my tummy changed, almost erasing all of my curves right before my eyes, strucks me every time.

I don't desire to give in to societal norms when it comes to womanhood, there is no one way to be a woman. Yet, this body does not feel mine anymore, and all I can see in the mirror today is the face of a young boy in need of a shave.

[doorsangel]

Per ordine del re, questi quartieri erano stati posti sotto bando, e a tutti, pena la morte, era proibito di penetrare nelle loro lugubri solitudini.

Re Peste - E. Allan Poe

[doorsangel]

[doorsangel]

Il successo, qualsiasi significato vogliate dargli, non dipende da qualche fantomatico dono divino, ma da culo e priorità.