sores and scabs “the pickin pox”
in the beginning of my addiction I had sores and scabs all over my body. my hands were stiff and covered in scabs. my face looked like I had red freckles. one day I went to this guys house and he said, “if I start picking stop me” I tried but it’s almost impossible to get someone to stop doing that once they’ve started. he called it “the pickin pox”. it made me laugh a lot but it stuck on and I remember it every time I start to go crazy.
I’ve picked my scabs all my life, but when I do heroin sometimes it’s worse. anxiety makes me pick like crazy. when I’m numb and having an anxiety attack, it’s the perfect storm. that happened to me 2 nights ago , and I’m still hard core paying for it now.
that day I had spent the money I’d just gotten on heroin. my dealer said it was fire this time (don’t they all say that). I wasn’t really buying it but at the same time I was excited, I brought it inside and cooked it all into one shot. it didn’t look like much but once it was in I felt like heaven. I think I even said “whoa.” after that rush. I was nodding out the whole time I was trying to put my kit away so no one would walk in on me and it be out. I don’t know how long it took me but I kept waking myself up out of a nod by dropping something and having to pick it back up. I haven’t felt that good in a long time. once it was finally put away I must’ve layed down in the middle of my bed and fell asleep because I woke up in that position later that night, still feeling nice.
that’s around when the itching started. when I do a lot of heroin it always happens. my nose, neck, and arms and legs itch the most. I try to just only scratch a little bit. I was doing good until I started to have a panic attack. It all started because of my worries I have about moving and everything surrounding it. I got in front of a mirror and started at my face. it got bad. I moved to my neck. it’s also fucked up now. I messed up my whole body that night. every time I touch my face or look in a mirror it looks like I’ve been tweaking on meth again.
I hope my boyfriend won’t think I’m ugly. he used to comfort me when this happens, but he’s also been very disappointed in me when this happens too. I feel like a fool. I had been so good about this for so long, everything was cleared up and I almost had perfectly healed skin again.