8 Reasons Why Having Curly Hair Totally Rocks*
A Helpful Picture Guide by Nicole
8.) Instant Halloween Costume
How often do you find yourself waking up in the morning to the horrific realization that there is a Halloween party in 20 minutes and you forgot to buy a costume? Well, if you have curly hair: NEVER. That's because morning hair lends itself to a wide variety of costumes, of which I have laid out here:
God, I hate those end of August sneak Halloween parties.
Blogological: teaching you new words since, well, right above this picture.
6.) Fun Facebook profile pics
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Okay, of course it's awesome having curly hair that you haven't combed since Clinton was president. But fashion nowadays is all about smooth hair, sideswept bangs, chunky highlights, cell phones attached to belts, and scrunchies.** What about curly hair that's actually been styled?
Luckily, I got you covered there as well.
5.) You will meet so many new friends when strangers decide it's okay to boing your ringlets.
Also, you will discover new verbs, like "boing."
We curly'ers ain't short changed on friends. Say you, as a stranger, are standing in line behind me for the self-checkout at our friendly neighborhood SafeMart. You're studying my hair and my shopping basket (an Econo-Pak of Super Hemorrhage Menstrual Corks poorly hidden underneath a copy of Popular Science) and I know you can't help yourself. Go ahead, reach out for one of those suckers and give it a pull.
Remember: it's not a true boing unless you say "boinnnnggg!" during aforementioned action.
I mean, we've all seen it on cartoons: the best way to hook a man is to twirl a chunk of your hair around your finger, flutter your eye lids, and then do what you do every night, Pinky, try to take over the world.
So you should be envious to know that having such springy locks lends itself to an even more dynamic, three-part hair-twirl flirt. Observe:
Hope you're ready for some "kinky" sexy times. Yeah I did.
I have a brunette fountain of youth growing out of my scalp! The moment I whip those ringlets out, I'm automatically de-aged back to eight years old again. Boy, do I love all the attention I get from club bouncers, bartenders, and those guys who wear fancy jackets in casinos.
Here's me this past weekend... oh no, wait, that's me in third grade.
2.) Making the world a better place
Of course, it's not all spiral rainbows and boingy unicorns for me as a curlied. With great hair comes great responsibility. I have to think about the next generation, after all. With that in mind, I have created a complex mathematical theorem that, once understood, will make the world a better place. It is thus:
Therefore, my altruistic gift to the world was my post-marriage hysterectomy.
1.) It only takes an hour of straightening your hair and then another half hour of re-curling your hair to get yourself ready to hit da clubs!
Aw yeah. First we'll stop by Portland's hottest new club PENETRATION...
Dance with the beautiful straight hair, motherfucka!!
...then we'll hit the Shari's, because that's how I roll.
Feed me pancakes and bacon, motherfucka!!
So that's it. Eight well-thought-out reasons you should not only be jealous of me, but also should be developing a confusing hatecrush on me. In conclusion, having curly hair is basically the coolest thing ever.***
* Not.
** Blogological is not responsible for any fashion disasters/ass kickings that result from following Nicole's fashion tips.
*** To anyone with straight hair.
