#piecesofmysoul

[emomom82]

I was lost. I couldn't find my way. But I know it was supposed to be you and me.

[cousinofdeth]

[dopecages]

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#spiders #piecesofmysoul #worldslowest 🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷🕷 (at Starbucks)

[lidijaanderson-blog]

Pieces Of My Soul | Self Paragraph (flashback)

Trigger warning: death, suicide attempt.

Lidija had no idea what was going on, and she hated every bit of it. For someone so controlled, someone who managed to have her life together by the young age of 17, the girl was incredibly fragile, as if someone knocked her down to the cold floor and beat her mercilessly, tearing her body apart a piece after piece. The first part God took away from her soul was her mother, Heather. It was odd, really, how such a strong woman could find her death in a car accident. To the girl, her mom was invincible; the kindest, loveliest woman in the world, an actual angel sent from heaven to protect and save her from what could've been a terrible life. She could never forget the story her parents told, how Heather declared Yugoslavia is her favorite historical area and that's where she wanted to adopt her child from. She, along with her husband James took in Lidija, a toddler with no parents and a heart defect who had low chances of being adopted. She'd probably still be stuck in the Macedonian foster system till this day if it weren't for her, and now, she's gone. Why couldn't she guard her mother like she did for her?

It seemed as she was no good at all when it came to guarding her family. Damn it, how could she be so self centered and not notice the obvious distress her brother got himself into? Wallowing in her own self agony, having people ask how she's doing without an actual interest in her wellbeing, the shock and the longings for one last hug she's experiencing; all were able to distract her from Noah, the second part that's currently hanging on a thin thread between life and death, that's about to be taken away from her as well. Just when she thought his stupidity couldn't reach a higher level, he proved to her that he's more than capable to be the dumbest, most impulsive person and took a bottle of pills in order to kill himself.

Sure, he never said so specifically, but she knew. What other explanation could exist? The empty bottle on the floor, her brother having difficulties to stay conscious and most importantly, the fact he continuously said he's sorry and he loves her, all pointed to the same direction: a goddamn suicide attempt.

And of course Noah was the most insanely annoying guy she had to endorse. He teased her, he hit her, he named her nationality any Eastern European country other than her actual Macedonian ethnicity, he called her boring and never admitted to liking her, not even the slightest. And yet, she loved him with all her heart. When people were mean to her, he'd always confront them sassily- despite not always winning the fight, he always tried to get her to have fun (somewhat unsuccessfully), and when she needed an advice from a non adult, he was the first person she'd turn to. Most importantly, he was family. He was a crucial piece from the puzzle that made her who she was, and there was no way she'd going to lose him too. No, departing from her mother was the most she could take, having to separate from Noah and Heather on the same week wasn't acceptable. No way in hell she'd allow this to happen.

While her father talked to the doctors, Lidija sat on a bench in the hallway, waiting for a status update. Noah's going to live, there's no other option.  

[canibeyourwishingstar]

I love when it rains How dark and damp the world is The way sound is muffled And the air is thick How every drop brings shivers crawling across my skin The rain trickling down my face So that I can't tell if the wetness on my red cheeks are tears or raindrops And finally The world outside can match the mess inside my soul

C.M. /// Raining Tears (5:23 AM)

[canibeyourwishingstar]

It’s weird…” She ran her fingers over her skin, her voice barely more than a whisper, full of thought. “What’s weird?” I looked up, catching her eyes. She shook her head softly. “I don’t know how to explain it. I’m clumsy with words, I’ll sound like an idiot.” “Just try anyways. What’s weird?” She leaned back and took a breath, her eyebrows pinched together. “Its weird that someone could be perfectly fine and they love somebody and shit happens and everything hurts. And even after weeks and months of trying to forget, what happened in the past still controls every decision you’ll make and every thought you’ll ever think from that day onward. Its just weird that you cant let go and continue on till you find something better and start over. A situation like that isnt a broken heart. Its a broken mind and that really sucks cuz I’d rather have no heart than no mind. But i didnt have a choice. And now when i do have a choice, the past will always make me push it away. And now I feel like such an idiot.” We sat in the silence for minutes, letting her pain settle in the air. She was so fragile in that moment, how her eyes glittered, the fading scars on her wrist, the way she wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her tear streaked face in her jacket. I wanted nothing more than to hold her, to show her I was more than just her best friend. But she was not mine to hold. And so I offered her only my words. “You got your heart broken and it made a big impact on your life. Thats normal and happens to a lot of people. It doesnt make you an idiot because you’re still aware of it and are making decisions based off of your past mistakes. No, an idiot would not consider the past and would blindly throw themself into another mistake. You are far from that.” She blinked and fixed her eyes on the floor. “My heart…it’s not broken.” “But it was.” “No. That wasn’t my heart. It went deeper than that. Yeah, my heart hurt but it didn’t break. The soul breaks. The mind breaks but the heart keeps beating and thats why it hurts so bad. My world went up in flames but I’m still alive, breathing in the smoke.” I understood at the moment, what she meant. And I hated him even more than I ever thought possible. I despised the boy who damaged her innocent skin. I resented how he got away without a worry in the world while she sat there slowly dying. And there was nothing I could do but watch as she sank deeper into the ruins of her broken soul.

C.M. /// Broken (1:04 AM)

[jinndjuice]

It's a little depressing that even after 10 years of playing guitar I'm still mediocre at best. 🙃 #notasinger #dazeoff #alexandsierra #littledoyouknow #martinguitarco #piecesofmysoul

[preciousstoneblr]

I want someone to sleep next too every night for the rest of my life...