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[mental-health-advice]

Submission from PinkyBlue

#PinkyBlue Hi, I need some advice on how to come out as bisexual to my family. I’m a 17 yo girl and just this year I came to grips with the fact that I might be bisexual. I haven’t told anyone and I’m in no rush to, but I do want to come out to my parents and my brother eventually. I’m just soooo scared. I can’t help but feel like my parents will be disappointed in me for some reason. They’re not really homophobic, but sometimes they say things that make me think they’re iffy about that kind of thing. I think my mom especially is a little weirded out by gay and bisexual women. As for my brother, he’s definitely said some homophobic things in the past. I know he loves me very much no matter what, but I’m still a little afraid of what he’ll think. And I don’t even know if I would want to tell the rest of my family. I have an uncle who’s Mormon and I’m afraid of what he’ll say/do. I really don’t know what his attitude is towards LGBT people. Idk. I’m just really scared and the thought of all this makes me feel so awkward and emotional. Thanks xx

Hi PinkyBlue!

Coming out can be really hard! When I first discovered I was transgender nonbinary, I felt obligated to come out to everyone around me. I felt like I was lying if I didn't tell people that I wasn't what I thought they were.

However, I realized that the most important thing in my gender identity was my safety. If coming out to someone would threaten my safety, then it was more important for me to stay in the closet.

I don't know what your family is like. I don't know if you feel unsafe about coming out to them. If you do, then I would take some time to explore your sexuality more.

Another thing that took me a while to figure out is that some people don't have to know. Ask yourself this: what are you hoping to change by coming out to your family? Do you just want acceptance? Are you trying to prepare them for bringing a girl home? Do you need to get these things right now, or do you think you could wait?

Sometimes people say homophobic and transphobic things because they don't know better. They don't know anyone who has a different sexuality or gender identity, so they don't know what to think about it. One thing you could do is to slowly expose them to alternate sexualities. It might take a while, but education really is the best way to help people stop being afraid of things they don't understand. That has been the best tool as I've come out to my family. When they can see that someone who is transgender doesn't match all of these scary stereotypes they've internalized, they are a lot more accepting of my identity than they otherwise would have been.

I hope that's helpful! If you can wait a little bit and analyze the situation more, I think that would help you a lot. Good luck!

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”

~Mel

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