#pixerative

[pixerative]

21 years old now. :)

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I hate that I can’t express my true emotions or feelings because I don’t want to be in any way hurtful. I want to have an enjoyable life, although I don’t know how to get there.  I want to be happy and even though it doesn't take much for me to be so, I’m still feeling down. 

Right now I’m hurting, from a relationship that’s gone sour. I’m not hurting because of the breakup. I’m hurting because it seemed like it meant nothing. I’ve got this thing in my head that makes me still cherish her. God I want it gone, but I keep doing things I knew at the time I shouldn’t have done. Small things, but it’s these small things that lands myself into trouble.  What I don’t get is the way things went. Right now we’re still living together. It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that I was foolish for still having her in my life. I guess how I played in the relationship, I tried to revolve my life around her and I’m only learning that it wasn’t the way to go. I’ve learnt that I wasn’t to try and fight for a relationship if the other person wasn’t. Yes, that’s fair on her part but for the 6 months that went between us, I was hoping that she showed that it wasn’t just a few months of nothingness. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I wish I did. My relationship with her was wonderful, but it’s helped me realise that I want someone to want me. For all the walls I take down, I want someone to make me feel safe. For all the dark secrets I let out, I want someone to make me feel loved. I just want someone to love me for being me. I’m one hell of a shitty person and I know it’s a lot to ask, but I just wish that someone’s out there for me that wouldn’t mind.

From today, I want to revolve my life around me. I want to express myself instead of letting people walk all over me. I want to have this feeling of assurance that everything’s going to be ok. It might take some time but in the end, I want to feel happy. Like happy happy. Not the kind of happy that you get from winning League of Legends matches or when you get a pay rise. I’m talking about the happy that you get when your life is in a wonderful state. Happy like falling in love. Happy like feeling great about yourself.

[pixerative]

Another relationship gone. 

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[hanamxru-archive-blog]

pixerative replied to your post: For reals though why is Morrigan the o...

Because she’s a godess and beautiful in every aspect and adskghf (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Yeah but my Inquisitor is a goddess and beautiful in every aspect! She deserves moving hair too man

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TAGGED BY lissachi Repost this and tag ten people you want to get to know better:  Well, deinacrida, valkarys, totally-supernatural, soarins, vegansuperpowers, blackwallsballs, inthehistoryofever, frostywindowpaynes

Name: Paul John

Nicknames: PJ

Birthday: 5th May

Gender: Male

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Height: I don't know precisely, so I won't say

Favorite Color: Blue

Current Time and Date: 1.12am January 7th

Average Hours of Sleep: 6

Lucky Number: 5

Last Thing I Googled:  stephen walking top of the world 2 

First word that comes to mind: Signs

One place that makes me happy: anywhere with snow/ice

How many blankets I sleep under: None (Wayy too hot)

Favorite Fictional Character: Isabela

Book: I should probably read more

Animation: I should probably watch more things too

TV Show: Supernatural

Favorite Beverage: Ice Tea, Coke

Favorite Food: Stir Fry

Last movie I’ve seen in cinemas: The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Dream Holiday: Switzerland, Canada or NZ to fall in love with the snow over and over again

Dream Wedding:  To be honest, I've never thought about this and it's quite a ponder to write something valid here at this time

Dream Job: An employee under a gaming company such as Riot or Bioware

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4 January [Sunday]

I swear it still feels like it's the old year. I still feel like a huge disappointment, but right now what keeps me going is working. It keeps me off cutting on my arm, bc of how hot it gets in the bakery, but it doesn't always work. I can tell you that the last time I cut was last year (ha).

Anyways, 2015. Let us see what it has in store. 

[hanamxru-archive-blog]

pixerative replied to your photo “After what I went through earlier today, I decided to do a realistic...”

You beautiful girl you

(///∇///) you're so nice.