@planetsorbit: โ i have these good days, you know? where i feel invincible. but then there are a lot of bad days when i remember that nothing matters, you know? โ ( charlie & julius )
julius knows that the bad days far out number the good. that's why the good days, few as they are, become more precious. he thinks about the part of his service that isn't all bad, like when he gets to sit down and play a game of blackjack with the crew in between shifts of deck observation, everyone groaning with outrage whenever julius got a flush. julius stops peeling the potatoes, placing the utensil on the cutting board before turning to look at charlie's face, worried what he may find there. "where'd this come from? your family getting onto you again? everything matters. except all the things they tell you matter." he puts a palm on the back of charlie's neck, fingers idly carding through his hair in a calming gesture. surprisingly, korea wasn't much different from america in a sense. your elders always had some one-size fits all philosophy for how you should live your life, otherwise you'll stray off the beaten path. "everyone is always assumin' if it worked for them, it'll work for you, without considering the fact that your life is your own and that you've got to live it to find out what works." you can't force a size 9 foot into a size 12 shoe. those are big boots to fill, and you'll only hurt yourself in the process. julius huffs a sympathetic noise, looking down at charlie through his lashes. he understands all too well. "my brother means well, but whenever we talk, i can tell nothing i say clicks in his brain. he's got a girl back home and now he's convinced if i do the same, it'll sort me out." that was a double-edged sword, julius found. trying to discern whether people genuinely cared about you or just wanted to fix you. he knows he's blessed to have family left regardless, but he can't swallow his pride and let someone else dictate what he ought or ought not to do.










