I bought FF7 Remake and honestly I wish I could get my money back.
It's been a rather lackluster, monotonous, and overall boring af experience. I never played the original, but I had seen it played, and it looked like fun. I'd had my experience with turn based games before (Legend of the Dragoon is one of my favorite games of all as an example of many,) but this isn't.... turned based. People keep referring to it as a slash'em up, but it isn't even that?! It's two different systems in one whenever you have control of your character, so while you're in control of, let's say, Cloud, the enemies seem to be fighting on turn based mechanics. You run around hitting the attack button, and it's the same combo over.... and over.... and over.... But wait! Go into the different stance for more hard hitting attacks! But now you're just performing a new, repetitive combo, which doesn't actually feel like it does more damage, and then even better, your movement is slowed during, and for sure, the enemy can just run away from you. The consistency of enemies getting staggered by your attacks is enigmatic, like, sometimes they stagger (and mind you I'm not talking about the stagger bar, just in general,) and you can get in more hits, but other times they continue with their actions, and completely knock you on your ass, leaving you exposed to other similar enemies doing the same thing, and that's not evening including status affects like stuns. I was versus one of the early bosses who just continually spammed some rocket attack, like, every attack was this attack, and rng Satan had it out for me I guess, because omg I couldn't get up. Constantly trying to switch between Barrett and Cloud with pheonix downs and potions or cura, but why? Coz there'd only be another missile barrage to throw us around, do a ton of damage, and then rinse and repeat. Like, is there something I'm not getting?!? It's so frustrating! I got to a mission some little fuckin' kids had to hunt down some hedgehog lookin' lil' fucks, and omg! Same thing! 3v2, and one enemy constantly runs away from you and heals it's allies and has a ton of health, while the other two do some bouncing attack that stunts you, OR some missile attack that - guess what - knocks you over and does plenty of damage. Aerith is useless, in fact the AI of your party are useless, and I think it's because they use the turn based tactics while fighting in a non-classic battle. Like for real, I don't play kingdom hearts, but I've heard and seen enough to know how pissed people get at Donald and Goofy for not helping out in the slightest, but fuckin' Christ your teammates are dead weight too much of the time. I lost that battle with the hedgehogs. Lost because I was being bombarded by missiles that knocked me over while being pelted by a bouncing attack that staggered me all while trying to focus the healing tank of a bitch that keeps running away. It's not a hack 'n slash. It's a reminder that we can't have nice things. Ever.
Mind you, this is just the combat. JUST the combat. Because oh ho ho, the rest of the game..... Is not a game. It's not. It's a movie. The game itself is beautiful, so cool looking, they must have put a lot of work into making it look so good, and I gag, but WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!?!? It is CUTSCENE after CUTSCENE after CUTSCENE of dribble! The main protagonists are freedom fighters battling against an evil corporation who are sucking the life from the planet for their own greed and power and they want to save the little man and the world they inhabit from anhiliation, but whaaaaat?!?!? I can't get into the story when we have to take five fucking steps and then STOP for another cutscene! Take five steps, oh a cutscene that easily could've been said WHILE WE ARE RUNNING! It just stops! It stops you! There's plenty you can skip, but then you're missing out on the modicum of information that has to do with the story, otherwise it's just mindless drivel disguised as character development, and some of it CAN'T BE SKIPPED!!! You have to sit through it! And then guess the fuck what sis?!?!? 5 MORE STEPS INTO ANOTHER FUCKING SCENE! Omg it drives me up the walls what am I playing? Am I playing anything?? It's a "playable" movie! It's a choose your own adventure goosebumps book, it's that one black mirror episode shit where you choose the path for the show to take, but like not even! Every👏 Fucking👏Step👏 Leads👏To another👏Scene👏To sit👏 And watch👏 And it's so👏 Fucking👏 Boring👏. Can't run to the next blip, gotta walk! Can't skip certain scenes, gotta watch! Best part is - switch to classic mode and the game playa for you at a reduced difficulty!!!! Wtf?!?!? I payed money for this! I paid for an experience and God damn it I wish I'd specified what kind of experience because holy shit, it is one, just not the one I wanted!
I needed to rant about this and here is the perfect place because no one comments on my shit so it feels somewhat safe to do so, but even then it doesn't matter. I'm sure I'd be told I'm just salty and need to get gud, I'm positive I'd be told I just don't understand the brilliance of it all and it just flew right over my myopic little brain like jets showing their appreciation for essential workers. And you know what? They'd be right, I'm sure there's plenty I just don't get or have overlooked, but for me, that's my point. The game looked like a fun experience full of cinematic marvels and thrilling, tactical gameplay, but by the time I actually have gotten to any of that I'm already tired from having reached that point galavanting through scene after scene after fucking scene of what could've been wrapped up and explained in just one instead of many. Oh look, I have to explore the bar and wait, have to play darts, oh look, walk outside and there's a group of people I gotta talk to, oh look, new town where Aerith is from, take five steps, yup, here's a scene, take five more steps here's an UNSKIPPABLE scene showing the damage we just did, oh look, five more steps and the restaurant guy wants to talk to Aerith, oh look, five more steps and a child wants to talk to her..... ABOUT NOTHING! Oh look, oh look, oh look!
Fucking no. Like, no. I'ma say it. I'ma just say it, it's a trash game, and I would not recommend spending your money on it, coz best part, it's not even the full fucking game. Go buy the original. It's a fraction of the price and it's the game in its entirety.
Just no.
