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"[x] is just [y] rebranded" woah, its so cool that it actually isn't and never intended to be involved in your discourse! Isn't it cool when we let folks label their experiences separate from ongoing arguments? I'm so glad we all agree on that and don't drag things into it. That would be silly to do. Haha, yeah.

#I don't even care about origin discourse. Some people just don't listen to communities!!#pro polymind #polymind #polymindence #please remove later #Will I regret posting this. Maybe. That's for future-me to deal with.#alterhuman discourse

Actually if I did write a 'cosm lore dump, would any of my friends / mutuals want to see?

#Its *really* tempting to do.#It would also explain the barrier of para-to-kin a bit better‚ maybe?#I have explained it to people before but also aaahhh #I'd probably lock the document after sending it to anybody becauss I'm nervous about it too.#Honestly this is sort of me yelling ''am I allowed to do this?'' into the net.#please remove later

I'll probably delete this later but I sometimes forget how. annoying. the interaction of memories and (most likely) scrupulosity is.

A hundred questions on how "good" I am in comparison to my memories. A hundred more debating what "good" really is. Wondering why I am alterhuman, the source of that identity, and what my outlook on it is. Will my answer ever be the right one? Even more questions to follow. Asking again and again, getting nowhere. There is no answer. It will happen again so I just sit through it.

#please remove later #Anyway. Welcome to another installment of my alterhuman diary. I like being open in some way.#Luckily I have some pretty tough skin so I'm not really bothered by any anons who want to try and get to me. Which is why I'm comfortable.#Maybe I'm not alone in this.#Can't even talk to professionals because they don't know what this whole thing is.

Really thinking a lot lately about if I've ever really had the whole existing as a human experience. I don't think so but its a little strange to consider.

Also putting it under the cut in case it like. could maybe sound derealing.

#Hi! Also don't speculate on what this means. Thank you.#Its just been in my head a lot so I need to write it down.#please remove later #Maybe... I'll see how I'm feeling later.

thinking about daydreaming habits before i go to sleep and what i want my future to look like. ideally i wouldn't want it to. Go away?? i have friends and family in there. it would be a lot scarier in this world without it. but i think id like to have control over when it happens a bit more.

#please remove later #a lot of recovery seems to focus on fully stopping it or stopping the almost addictive tendancy it has.#for me. id rather it not be intrusive. i still want to have my paracosm but i dont think id want it all to go away #and also the opposite. i dont want daydream crashes because it'll pick up again after ive done with all this stress.#mine happens as a result Of stress to decompose everything that happens during the crash period.#also if i stopped daydreaming then it feels like im letting 40+ different people just. disappear. it's like i did that to them. that's mean.#and i would feel responsible. i still feel bad about older residents who aren't as frequently seen.#i mean there are other side effects haha. but. hm.#i also feel like all the bad things in life then fall solely onto me and i wouldn't handle it well. so. stopping it isnt possible.

Having a bad memory stresses me out. I have this huge fear I'll just forget something from one of my other lives again. There are some things I would never forget, but the little details, or the happy ones, are what stress me out the most. I don't want to lose any of those. Yes, this is talking about kin things, but its just a fear I have based on my usual life too. Its just compounded because there are so many versions of me that I know about. You know? I've forgotten pretty big things before and had to be reminded about them later. But I only have myself to rely on when it comes to alterhuman things.

#please remove later #Talking as if my memories aren't half inaccessible unless I'm that specific guy. But even that's scary in a way.#What do you mean I can't access that bank of memories right now? I want to see.#I know some things Happened or it's a common theme so I can guess about it. But I want to revisit dome other ones.

Hate my identity, hate who I am. At least I'm not human, right? How sad that would be.

#👁️‍🗨️ Carmen #please remove later

Yeah I have an art blog and whatever but I did draw how it feels to have a shift that Almost happens but doesn't. Like, wow, I saw Her name. And now he Looms over like a low quality .jpeg.

You know? Like this. Judgmentally there in the background.

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