a little update on medications
sooooo hi yall i havent really done an update on pills i think since november or october of last year? so ill explain a little bit of the situation.
my new psychiatrist is leaning me off benzos. for good. im happy but also a little less nervous than i should be. its not like im taking clona, im taking a pill thats less invasive, clotia (benzodiazepine), which is like clona but low key. after my period ends im slowly going to start transitiong my pill intake to 1/4 instead of 1/2 every day for maybe a week then stop taking them in two weeks. doctors orders, not that im doing it myself. a week ago i started taking a new medication called lamotrigine (mood stabilizer), and its been really lovely. i havent felt weird at all, i usually feel somnolence when i take new meds but not with this one. like. at all !!!!! so im happy because its a great sign i dont want to worry about. im planing to tell my psychiatrist that if theres a possible i can lean of mirtazapine (an anti depressant) because i feel like its not doing anything to me anymore as much as it did good things to me at the begining of 2018. i guess what im trying to say is, i have my ups and downs, truly. but my mental health compared from december to this year has gotten 50% better because ive been writing so much. ive been writing on my self help book a LOT and started to be mindful of my words and my actions. just a few days ago i had my first break down in a LONG time and thats good, because id have breakdowns at least once a week or would have constant panic attacks everyday. thats not the case anymore and i have faith that if i keep on doing this self help ill be able to do much more beautiful things in life like. a huge example of how writing has saved some part of me, is the fact i learned how to swim! and i wasnt capable of doing tht because of my irrational fear. i guess im geting outta line here but i wanted to share thjat. anyways. im slowly starting to lean off pills and my therapy sessions arent weekly anymore. my own therapist has seen ive been doing really good. im happy you guys. im really EXHAUSTED haha and still feel faitgued but i am happy and i want to normalize every emotion i have. i guess T has also been a huge impact to my mental health. if everything goes out well and i know stuff will go out well, ill be off medications sooner than id hope it to be. sorry for over sharing. i really needed to get this out and im happy to say that i havent relapsed for almost 3-4 months and i am just so at peace that ive fought those little inner demons in me that told me to take some benzos, and i managed and I SURVIVED. i love me and i love u guys sm thanks for reading :)