#pleasehearme

[piecebypieceofme]

Finally… a night where I don't feel like my brain is going to explode.  It's stupid how worked up I can get over the dumbest things.  Now I'm just afraid that this week will be a disaster.  I hate to admit it too, but more counselling may be in my future…the more I open up, the worse it gets, but if I keep it inside, it gets even worse.  A lot of the time I feel like I'm carrying the whole world on my shoulders, and that no one I can speak to will ever understand in a way I need them to.  So for now, I go on struggling, hoping that one day someone will get it, or that my brain will change so it won't make me feel like I'm useless every time something doesn't work.    

[the-real-teri]

To My Closest Friend

Remember when I was laying there depressed and you came in and just started talking to me and playing with my hair? Remember how some nights I didn't want to eat? Remember that one night where you made me go walking with you? Remember how you wouldn't let me bring my headphones either? Remember that one night you were really drunk and I was really worried about you? Remember how I went with you to Thanksgiving? Remember how we would watch shows every night and eat dinner together? I remember everything and I really miss it. I never felt so much love before than I did during those moments. You are honestly the older sister I have always wanted. You've always looked out for me and you still do. I know I don't make it easy on you and that sometimes, you probably have wanted to punch me in the face. I know that this past week, I haven't been a good friend, and I truly am sorry for that. Part of me is scared. I keep pushing you away because that i'm afraid that things will never be the same or even close to being the same between us. I know that if I keep pushing you away, that eventually you could possibly be gone from my life forever. I really don't want that to happen. The other part of me is sad. Sad because I miss you and I miss spending time with you. I miss eating dinner with you. I miss feeling like for once I actually had a family, even if was only you. I felt like I finally belonged somewhere. 

I want things to go back to how they use to be. Sometimes I feel like we should both sit down together and just tell each other everything. Sometimes I call you because I want to do that, but then I get afraid to. 

I really do miss you and I love you. You're always going to be a sister to me. You've already taken that place in my life and I will never take you out of that title. I care about you and I hope that one day things will be better than they are now. 

[jewdrops]

life sucks sometimes..

I don't know what to feel right now and what to do right at this moment. They've given me no choice. They didn't ask me if I want to go with them or spent half of my year being with them, it's as if I don't have the right to make decisions for myself. I was like a robot they're programing all the time that I have to obey or do their commands. It's not suppose to feel this way, but this is fuckin' shit you know, please I hope this is just a dream and when tomorrow comes it's all freakin' gone.