post new york yearning
My New York trip I thought would help me move on from you only worked for a while, unfortunately. In fact, I doubt it even worked at all. I thought of you while I was in New York. I saw your name in one of the souvenir shops I walked into and took a picture of it—almost sent it to you even (almost even bought the keychain), which wouldn't really be a huge deal but it feels kind of weird after not texting you for a while. Do you ever feel weird about it too? It's just, you would tell me to text you before. And we would text almost constantly. Are you glad we're not anymore? I'm sorry. I don't mean to have all these feelings for you. But I know for sure I wasn't delusional, and at some point you gave me hints that we could be something more. It feels weird to me that it was never addressed. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I don't want it addressed it either, the way you also clearly don't. God, it feels odd and heavy. Odd and heavy. Yet you won't hear a thing from me. I can handle this without saying anything. It shall pass. It always passes. I mean, I wish it would faster. But it's okay. It will pass, it will pass. I will be okay. I will see you soon and I shall be okay with it. You haven't followed up about the hangout. I hate it so much when I remember it, because it has probably left your mind, which is why you never followed up about it. I have stopped expecting for that to happen ever. I have stopped expecting anything from you. But I do wish for once you would mean your words. I wish you meant even just one of them.
Man, honestly, I think being near you again is making me think about all of these all over again. I lowkey need to be in New York again. Or anywhere. Far from you and everyone. I need a new job. I just can't be around you anymore.
18th of December 2025.