22 | in-between 🖊
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tags: @awseokjin @finelinememories @yoongimentita7 @notlivingsstuff @kakixaku @4ksj @marilo11 @vantxx95 @i44nishi @jeonkoookiee @fancycollectormoon @vcnvs666 @yoonabeo @ohoratoint-blog @wrmnssoul @lovelysmp @samanthalovesihop @vizgo @spinster-sisters @gotbangtanlads @joonsjuice @rkive994 @artsxpe @jihoontime @halesandy @lmfaos-things @clementineangels
note: omg 😭 thank you all for waiting so patiently for this part ! due to personal circumstances, i was also surprised to realize how long it would take for me to update ! sorry to keep you guys waiting, but all the more for me to say: it was definitely worth the wait 🫣 BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW... i mean.. jokes. how could u know?? find out nd send in asks to let me know ;D ... of what you think of the story so far ! it is coming to a close, so i hope we’re all excited to see everything unfold !!! enj, talk to u guys soon ✨
+ catch the smol casual!taehyung vibe … lmk yk what i mean 💐
Taehyung knows it's cliché, but you’re the type to enjoy shit like this.
Regardless of your relationship with him being casual and a joke to all true romantics, ironically enough, you were one. No matter how many times he has tried to ignore the way your eyes linger at the flower carts you two pass by or the way you would catch looks between lovers and envy them—deep down, Taehyung has always known you to be a romantic.
It didn’t bother him that much since he never felt compelled to do much for you. But lately, it’s all he wants and finds himself doing.
Maybe it was in the way you spoke so gently and picked your words so carefully. Maybe it was in the way you made others feel around you. So charming and witty—it makes everything all the more difficult to be apart from you.
Or maybe it was in the way you kiss. Oh, how he’d love to find out.
A kiss.
Something so significant in so many fairytales. Holding the power to break spells and grant happily ever after's—maybe a kiss is what you two needed. It’s definitely what you two want, so why was everything leading up to this promising moment so complicated?
Maybe it’s because, sometimes, it is unbelievably difficult to read you.
Taehyung doesn’t know if he should blame himself for making you more complicated than you already once were. Your texts to him and these past couple of days have been an absolute dream. From good morning’s, I saw this and I thought of you’s, to goodnight and sweet dream’s; everything felt like you two were walking on clouds. Not to mention sex between you two being top tier and how the aftercare has evidently changed. There was a hint of closeness that wasn’t there before.
There was something in the air.
There was something between you two that wasn’t there before. There is something between you two blooming like a flower in spring. Perhaps, spring has come and brought along love.
Love seems to have brought a brighter, lighter, and kinder mood upon you two. The scent of something so fresh, comforting, and promising lingered on his bedsheets. The image of you lying next to him as the sun comes up is something he’s been pondering about for a while. He doesn’t know exactly when this thought occurred to him—maybe it was when you tightly wrapped your arms around his waist and nuzzled yourself into his neck or maybe it was when you whispered praises to his ear as he made you finish before him.
Jokingly, he’d tell you it’s because he likes to strip you of your pride. To watch you beg under him and agree with whatever he’d ask of you in shaky breaths… The way you’d squeeze his forearm before offering begging eyes as you reached your climax... It was everything to him—a dream, a hope; a need.
Yet, did it all truly matter? All of these moments with you, the picture of you he has painted in his head, and the flawed you he is falling for have all accumulated to him thinking of the lamest birthday present ever.
“Hey, man,” Nam Joon calls out, rushing to Taehyung’s side. The party is in the midst of its high. Everyone has their own thing going on and that’s one thing Taehyung has always found odd: the bigger the party, there seems to be a lot more room for private moments. “Whatcha got there?”
“___’s birthday present,” Taehyung says, hiding it behind him. It’s in a stupid tall gift bag with lilac tissue paper. Boringly enough, it’s both your favourite colour.
“Wine?” Nam Joon’s eyes widen but he can’t help himself from letting out a laugh.
“What’s wrong with wine?”
He shrugs, pulling Taehyung towards the opposite direction of your room. Taehyung looks back at your door and watches people pass it. “Why wine?”
“Hop off my dick, yeah?” Taehyung laughs, playfully shoving him away and turning towards your room again.
Wine because he planned to tell you to keep it and pop it when you two were ready. Yes, it’s lame. It’s a sad attempt at being a romantic; but he had this whole speech planned out about how good wine takes time and love shall too. How he would tell you that he feels different about you two now and doesn’t need a promise or any words from you really; he just needed you to know.
He needs you to know that this wine will be either the last drink you two share together or the first. He had it all planned out. He had romance in mind. He had you in mind.
Meanwhile, Nam Joon panics.
Nam Joon, again, is caught in the middle.
What is he to do? He either gives Jimin enough time to leave and let this situation die down on its own, or he gets himself involved and attempts to change anything that can be changed. Either way, he’s fucked. He can’t win and it pains him. He didn’t need to win or for this to be a game. He wants peace. He wants so much peace that everyone heals.
Yet, a big part of him can’t even register all that’s happening. He has Taehyung, a humble soul that is finally gathering the courage to believe in himself, and then he has Jimin; a misfit and a friend that is truly good. Except for right now. Right now and these past few months have not been kind to him therefore, he has not been in the right mind to be kind to others.
How is he supposed to cater to both?
With less than half a minute's worth of thought, he charges towards your door, blocking it from Taehyung. He puts his arms up in surrender and tries to offer Taehyung a smile.
“Nam Joon, what the hell—”
“Taehyung, let’s go out out for a bit.”
He looks at his friend in confusion.
“Taehyung—”
“Dude, whatever you want from me can wait,” he insists, moving past Nam Joon and reaching for the key on top of the doorframe. Oddly enough, there’s no key. Taehyung pieces together that you’re probably already inside. He places his hand on the doorknob and opens the door.
“Don’t do this,” Nam Joon pleads.
“Go find Jungkook,” Taehyung laughs. “He’s probably scaring away ___’s friends.”
To Nam Joon’s dismay, Taehyung moves and pushes past him. His friend’s laughter soon cuts out and he knew exactly why.
There’s a feeling that Taehyung can not stand.
Not that he’s a sensitive man or has been hurt more than the average person, but he finds himself quickly feeling sick. A tightness in his throat, his head goes foggy, and everything below his neck feels significantly heavier. God, does Taehyung wish he had listened to Nam Joon just this once.
In all your grace, there you were; fists on Jimin’s chest while his hands proudly wrapped around your waist with your lips against his.
Taehyung watches your fist loosen and you sink into the kiss. You don’t kiss back, but you definitely do not pull away. He shuts his eyes closed as Nam Joon hurriedly follows behind him.
Tugging him, Nam Joon begs, “Taehyung, I think we should—”
Taehyung drops the bottle of wine and the sound of it breaking along with Nam Joon’s voice breaks the kiss between you and Jimin.
Your eyes automatically fall to Taehyung’s as your wipe your lips. Like a romantic drawn to a writer, you’re completely fixated on him.
“Taehyung—”
“Yeah,” Taehyung shakes off Nam Joon’s grip on his arm, “let’s get out of here.”
He’s talking to you.
He moves past the pooling wine and turns to leave. Abruptly, you pick up your feet and follow after him. He storms out of the apartment and your guests watch as you call his name, chasing after him. Jimin watches you disappear and sighs loudly.
“God, it’s so much easier in the movies, isn’t it?” Jimin scratches the back of his neck, making a disappointed face. “You know in the movies, after a kiss or two, we’d be back together.”
Nam Joon also wastes no time. He huffs before pushing Jimin against your bedroom wall. Gripping his shirt collar in his fist, he glares at him with sore feelings.
“You must be fucking insane,” Nam Joon shakes him.
“Aren’t you a prince?” Jimin comments, unable to take this seriously. Though, with the way his friend gives him a look of disappointment, he knows very well that he fucked up.
“How noble of you to try to save us all. You know, your loyalty needs work. Being everyone’s ally means you’re no one’s ally.”
“And what credibility do you have to teach me about how to be a good friend, Jimin?” Nam Joon pokes his chest. “You’re a fucking ass.”
“You got me there,” he laughs shyly. He raises his hands up in surrender and gestures at Nam Joon hold. “You done?”
Nam Joon lets go of him immediately.
“Jimin, they’re happy,” Nam Joon reminds him, sounding more stressed than ever before. “How many times do we have to go over this? On her birthday too? What a fantastic boyfriend you are, you selfish, irritating, piece of shit!”
Jimin rolls his eyes.
“I thought all is fair in love and war?”
Unbelievable.
“Get out of my sight,” Nam Joon warns. “I might actually beat the shit out of you. I can’t believe how fucking childish you are for showing up and doing this to them—for doing this to Taehyung, again.”
A thick silence falls upon the two.
“Go home, Jimin.” Nam Joon advises him. “No one needs you here—”
“Why? Have I done it now? Are you done being my friend too?” Jimin attempts to laugh. Instead, it only makes Nam Joon feel even more hurt than angry.
“Don’t manipulate your way out of this—”
“Were.”
“What?”
“They were happy,” Jimin corrects, completely falling into the realization of the mess he had made.
Down the hall, out of your unit, into his car, you two go. It’s a win that he even let you in his car.
It was not easy.
You had called out his name multiple times to which he had not answered a single time. At one point, you reached for his hand and as you held it; he looked at you with teary eyes and a warning look. You let go and instead followed him to his car silently.
In his passenger seat, you can’t help but begin to feel all the stress of the situation rise up. Your throat feels full enough for you to need to throw up. You aren’t even that intoxicated. You’re tipsy, but not tipsy enough to use that as a way out. No song plays. The engine is off. There is only you two and the pressing air of losing one another.
You’re stuck.
“Go ahead and cry,” Taehyung says quietly. He pulls out his vape from the driver's pocket and puffs out. “It’s all you do anyway.”
“Taehyung…”
“Look,” he glances at you and you wish to take it as a good sign. Except it feels empty. It feels distant and unloved. It disappoints you. “Are we done?”
“We haven’t even begun to talk.. How could we be done?” you ask him awfully weakly.
“You know what I mean.”
Your heart only aches. He says it so swiftly like it didn’t matter. Like two hearts, two souls, two lovers weren’t involved.
After moments of silence, he breaks it. “Okay, whatever. Go back to your party. You have other guests—”
“I have you.”
“You have Jimin.”
“I want you,” is what you want to say but not what he needs to know.
Silence again as everything between you two shifts so slowly, but surely. Could this truly be the end? It didn’t feel like it. You refuse to let it feel like it.
“Why does it sound like you don’t even want to know what happened? Do you not care enough to? Do you even care about me—”
Taehyung glares at you, “shut up.”
“But can’t I give you an explanation?” you ask selfishly. “Don’t you think you deserve that much?”
It’s in vain.
“What’s there to explain?” he scoffs, taking another hit. “I saw what I saw. Thank you, by the way for the show. I did not enjoy it as I anticipated for a different leading man for you.”
“Why are you so worked up on this? It’s just a kiss—”
“It was our kiss,” Taehyung snaps. You don’t see it until now; how his heart has collapsed and finds no comfort in your doing. You feel it hit the bottom of your stomach.
Regret.
Worry.
Ache.
“Taehyung,” you begin to choke, “I didn’t know he’d be there. I wanted to meet you. I was there first and then he followed in. I told him to leave but he started to say stuff about how it felt to lose me to you—”
“I never had you,” he cuts you off with half a smile. It’s like he’s taking a step back along with his heart. He takes a step back and so does his heart. “Good on him for being good with words though. Seemed to have worked on you.”
“You have me,” you promise. It makes his half-smile turn into a full frown. Nothing about what you’ve said amuses him. “It was a slip up. I fucked up. I get it. I know it.. Let me make it up to you, please..”
He takes another hit and unlocks the car doors. He doesn’t want any more part of this. It’s a mess.
You’re a mess.
“Get out.”
“No,” you shake your head. “No, you have to—“
“What do you want from me, ___?”
You cross your arms, beginning to burn for him. “You.”
“Stop fucking saying shit you don’t mean,” he urges. He groans out in frustration, avoiding your eyes. If you looked at him any deeper, you would see the despair and insecurity that consumed his very being.
Everything about you felt healing and maybe that’s what had him addicted to you. The way he craved you and no one else—it must have been a spell. Something as mysterious and compelling, surely you were the image of love if it could look any prettier than you. Except now he feels ill-fated with you.
At this very moment, you two felt nothing short from being star-crossed lovers.
“I mean it,” you softly confess. “I mean it every time you text me, every time you hold me, every time I feel that you love me—”
“That’s probably because I do,” he breathes, “from the very moment you begged me not; I didn’t listen. I’m not too good at that shit anyway. Listening? They say that the most romantic feeling in the world is feeling understood.”
“Taehyung…”
“Stop fucking saying my name,” he harshly warns you.
“Okay,” you compromise, “okay, dummy.”
Your attempt is noted but overall rejected. You breathe in, close your eyes and feel the willingness to push through. He doesn’t flinch. It brings you to sink into your emotions again as soft whimpers escape your lips.
“Do you hate me?”
“This would be a lot easier if I did,” he admits.
“Do you love me?”
He doesn’t answer.
Instead, he stays silent and looks ahead of him. He should get out of here. He should drive away.
With you.
Fuck.
Get it together.
He locks the doors and unlocks them again and again until he finds it in himself to pause and make a sensible decision. You don’t know what’s going on in his head and you become more and more afraid to speak out.
You have no defense. You have no excuses. You come to him bare and with undeserving hope. Yet, something inside you knows he’ll give in eventually. If you just sit with him a little while longer, if you hold his hand or maybe offer him your usual apologetic blow; he’d stay. He’d eventually love you and you’d feel safe to fall into him.
“Do you love me?” he returns. You look at him with glossy eyes, automatically adjusting to the feeling of defeat.
“I don’t know.”
“Then you don’t,” Taehyung says, unlocking the door and starting his car.
“Please, don’t love me like this,” you cry, taking a hold of his hand. You bring them up to your lips and begin to kiss them. Your tears fall into the back of his hand and it takes whatever strength he had leftover to pull away from you.
In the brisk of joining you and crying his eyes out, he takes this moment to pour a little more of his heart out for you to step over like a puddle on a rainy day. God, where is the rain? It would fit this day quite well.
It doesn’t really rain in June though.
It’s usually cloudy with half a sunshine.
Just like you.
Half a heart, half of you, half a love he deserved.
“I think I met you too early,” he blurts.
“What?” your head that was once hanging low, lifts up to look at him. He shrugs as you look at him confused.
“You’re still healing and I’m still hurting. I can’t.. I can’t love you the way you should be loved and vice versa. I have never met anyone that made me feel like I could.. So thanks for that.”
“What are you saying?” you croak. “Why does it sound like you’re.. Uhm.. Why does it sound like.. Like we’re—”
Your mind goes dizzy. Was he trying to end things between you two? Was there anything to end at all? Why does this feel like the worst day of your life?
“I need some time,” he tells you. “Not to think or to make a decision. I just need to not be with you. I can’t be with you right now. Everything about you just makes me ache and I don’t think there are enough words for me to try to ease everything in my head. The truth is, I hate how you make me feel understood. I hate how hard I try to understand you.”
“If there is anything I haven’t given you, tell me. Have I not been enough? I.. I just.. I don’t know much, but I know this,” you sob, “Taehyung, you do understand me.”
“No,” he insists, “I get lost in you.”
“Then so be it,” you compose yourself. “Let love get lost in the in-between of us.”
He looks at you, eyes filled with less life and the echo of feelings.
“Do you honestly believe that love will find its way?”
“To you?” your eyes widen.
Could you do it?
“___,” he begins.
“Yes?” you respond in a hopeful tone.
Say something good.
Please, say something good. Say something that can save us. Say something. Say something—
“Please, love me.”
Say anything but that.
If time could freeze, it surely does right then and there. You gulp at his confession, unable to fathom just how much everything has changed in a matter of seconds. Taehyung takes your reaction as his answer.
From this moment on, he finds sadness in knowing that you may never know about the bottle of wine or his true feelings for you. This momentary confession could never compete or begin to truly reveal how he felt about you. Like dead stars, he had fallen and your wish lies in the in-between of coming true and merely ceasing to exist.
Oh, one more thing.
Happy birthday to you.