BREAKING NEWS!
“And tonight you join us from the south side of Cherry Township where we, along with its citizens, mourn the loss of one young, WILLIAM ROCKS. Billy, as his friends knew him, was only seventeen years old - a soon-to-be senior at South Side High School - but last night, his life was cut short on the tracks that mark the dividing line between Cherry Proper and the South Side.
While some believe foul play to be the cause of young Billy’s tragic death, a recently released toxicology report has raised new suspicions; suspicions that infer, perhaps, Billy’s death was caused by AN OVERDOSE of what those on the streets are calling, ‘THIRD EYE’ - a new, designer drug making its way through Cherry Township.
Some say it’s a harmless psychedelic - others claim that it’s just as dangerous as any other Schedule I drug on the market - but the group divide only splits further among debate of where this new, ‘Third Eye,’ is being supplied from: THE SOUTH SIDE, OR THE PROPER.
Wherever ‘Third Eye’ originated, one thing is for sure: THE CITIZENS OF THE SOUTH SIDE ARE USING THIS TRAGIC EVENT AS A FIRESTARTER for their campaign to expand South Side access to the Cherry Public Health Funding - and their access to the local government. Rumor has it HASIM ERDOGAN has already begun to prepare for his campaign for Mayor - the only question is, WILL HARVARD HARGROVE II, INTERIM MAYOR, LET THE POSITION SLIP FROM HIS FINGERS FOR A SOUTH SIDER?
We’ll be keeping you updated on young William Rocks’ case as we get new information - and on the race for the Mayor’s seat - but until then…? Stay safe, Cherry.
This is Gail Geller, signing off.”