critical role - vox machina chapter 5 - venturing for vestiges
all sentences taken from episodes 57-69 of the first campaign of critical role. feel free to change pronouns, phrasing etc. to fit your needs!
“I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure I take great offense.”
“I was just eating an apple! Why am I dying?”
“Excuse us while we reminisce, apparently.”
“This is really your fault as much as it’s mine.”
“You might be blown up if you go in there.”
“There’s a fine line between psycho and practical.”
“Sorry, I thought I was going to watch a fight. I was really prepared for that.”
“Yeah, we’ll see you next time, shitface.”
“Thank you for keeping my home safe.”
“I think I’ve always been in love with the idea of you.”
“Can we get shitfaced one last time?”
“If you need us, blink of an eye and we’ll come back.”
“I’ll try and keep the kids safe and I’ll try and not be the thing that kills them either.”
“I plan on coming back. I’m not dumb.”
“I’m going to curl up in a little ball for a minute and rock.”
“Of course we remember that thing that happened when we were drunk two and a half years ago.”
“I’ll have my revenge, but I love you.”
“Things get prettier as they get older here? That’s not fair!”
“Oh jeez, here comes the internet.”
“We are really shit at making friends.”
“Stop talking to the air. It upsets them.”
“If I could pull the blood of you from my veins and give it back I would. I want no part of you.”
“As foolish and as damned deadly as some of these endeavors may be, you inspire. That’s more than I’ve done in my lifetime.”
“We don’t need heroes right now. We need survivors.”
“Does everything look like hitting on people to you?”
“It’s the gift of smugness. It never goes away.”
“You’re the lady of the house I burned down.”
“That’s a very dark and disturbing thought. I’m very impressed.”
“I wish I could say this isn’t true, but it’s actually true.”
“You’re taking us to the lost and found? Please!”
“Good job. You successfully parlayed with a field.”
“Is there anyone here of reasonable intelligence who wants to stop this from happening? Just checking.”
“Everything here has attacked us.”
“I don’t walk in the middle of dangerous forests for fun!”
“I know it’s appealing to you, but don’t get cursed again.”
“I feel like we were very reasonable considering how unreasonable we usually are.”
“Next time, everything dies.”
“Everyone was bad, including us, and we lived. That's it."
“I just want to say, that was a death threat in front of a thousand people.”
“If there was a time to not be us, this is the moment.”
“I am a backpack right now.”
“I’m trying to activate these and they require pain!”
“Life needs things to live.”
“We don’t get a lot of time to talk alone because everything is so fucked up.”
“I’m certainly in support of anything that gives our father heartburn.”
“A tree is just a door that hasn’t been made yet.”
“Well, we’re just stuck in a tree now.”
“My heart is someone else’s.”
“I have no respect for anyone who says, ‘We’re not so different.’ It’s the worst line ever.”
“Come on, dangerous nerd, do it!”
“Girl power healed me. I feel it.”
“Don’t let any man, or anyone for that matter, make you feel like you need them to be great. Because you don’t.”
“You know, for someone who hates the theater, you've made quite a show of all of this."
“Dear God, let’s get out of here before something else happens.”
“Can someone who can’t successfully lie to me please explain to me what’s going on?”
“Yell loudly if you need me.”
“We’re not fighting battles anymore. We’re fighting wars.”
“Your mind is a grandfather clock, you know that?”
“I’ve had my fill of gods, but I’m not so foolish as to think that we do not need them still.”
“I do not want to die who I am. I would like to live long enough to be someone else."
“I am finished with gods. They will not help me. Maybe you will.”
“I’ve been traveling with you fuckers for years and I still don’t understand magic.”
“This is what a plan is: Everything going wrong.”
“We’re going to have the greatest I told you so if we survive this.”
“There is a God and he hates you.”
“Take your time wisely for the hourglass burns quickly.”
“You flirted with grass better.”
“I feel like I should have learned some sort of lesson here. I’m just not entirely sure what it was.”
“I’m a vampire. Just deal with it.”
“If we are not to seize the opportunity for kinship, we miss the opportunity for survival.”
“He loved you well, princess.”
“Death is unavoidable and it’s all the more reason for life to be lived.”
“It’s not on you. I mean it might be a little on you, but it’s kind of on both of us.”
“I haven’t stolen anything in years!”
“He’s right. We’re not ready. We’re stupid assholes.”
“I love a good panic attack.”
“Sometimes math is not enough.”
“Somehow no new information yet still TMI.”
“You’re not that ugly. She just meant that to hurt your feelings, but you are a piece of shit.”
“You’re arguably one of the greatest minds in existence right now.”
“I think I stumbled into the correct answer. I’m not sure I chose correctly.”
“You know, I thought it was a possibility, but this is the first time I’m sure: Your girlfriend is way cooler than you.”
“You two really follow her? Are you idiots?”
“Rainbows are a motherfucker.”
“Well, that’s one way to die.”
“Everything you do, we will turn into preschool.”
“Take it from us, we’ve been unconscious a lot. You’re fine.”
“This is such a bad experience on every conceivable level.”
“If we get taken out by Single White Female, I’m going to be so pissed.”
“I’m sorry my issues have guns!”
“Has anyone else been to a horse tranquilizer party?”
“Are we really all going to die today?”
“Your inner insecurities can not be the cause of the entire group’s death!”
“We are being killed by a metaphor.”
“You can curse, it’s okay. You killed one of us.”
“The best thing you can do for your friend now is sleep, so do that. Save your tears for later.”
“I should have told you. It’s yours.”
“In many ways, you are my total opposite, but you’re also my best friend.”
“No Hamlet death for you.”
“Everybody could have just slapped my face while I was dead. That would have been much more convenient.”
“You just lied to me. I’m so proud of you.”
“And what did we learn? Don’t get killed again.”
“You’re outvoted. Go to bed.”
“Nobody wants to talk to you right now. We want you to go to sleep.”