Back in May, plumgal1899 suggested that I write a fic based on the song Say Something by A Great Big World. I’ve never been able to come up with an actual story for this song. I only got flashes of cannon (Mockingjay) and that’s what this is. Though Katie is off of tumblr and out in the Great Big World somewhere, today is her birthday and I offer this in honor of her. I miss her to pieces. Thanks to gozips28 who came up with the awesome idea of featuring songfics on one site.
Song Inspiration: Say Something by A Great Big World
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Whatever existed between us is gone. Snow discovered what would it would take to break me and, in breaking me, broke you also. Into a million pieces. Unable to be trusted to feed yourself. Asking about goats when the substance of who you once were hangs in tatters in your brain. So when Gale kisses me, I embrace the inevitability that I will not be going back to you. I’ll stay in District 2. Kiss Gale as if he is a hangover. Go to the Capitol. Kill Snow. Die.
And I am feeling so small
And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
My dreams of you taunt me through fogs of drugs, desperation or emptiness - most times, all at once. My sides hurt as I hug myself. Why am I here? I’m missing an organ that Johanna says I don’t need anyway. But I’m missing more than that. And it hurts like a sledgehammer.
Your word swims up into my consciousness as I move through recovery, through the morphling, the propos, the wedding. I am so completely convinced that I will never see you again that the wedding cake takes me completely by surprise. I don’t believe it is possible. Maybe I’ve given up too soon.
But suddenly, you are seeing me, really seeing me. I’m small. Unremarkable. A confused construction.
Everyone says I loved you. Everyone says that’s why Snow had you turned into a mutt. But that isn’t enough for you. How can it be?
I don’t have the words to say it. That I was still learning. I was crawling and pulling myself to my feet and I was so close. To walking. To flying. And then you were gone.
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Do anything. Pull hard on the cuffs against your chafed wrists. Even if it hurts. Even if you bleed. Even if the madness is unbearable. Your hair was like the sunset on my fingertips.
Just don’t let him take you from me.
And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
I’m desperate now. Last minute pill.
You are making promises again. See you at midnight.
The shadow of who we were moves through me and leaves me with only a cold imprint. I miss this. I miss your arms around me, once my refuge, now solid and steady only in memory. I’m cold and naked against the marble of the war and I won’t ever be warmed by you again.
I release you. I put my face against the icy wind and go out into the raging gale of my vengeance.
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
“Let me go!” I say with a mouth full of your blood. I’ve already let you go. Already let myself go.
You say something. Like the morphling dream. “I can’t.”
You mean never. Never again.
And eventually, you don’t.
