for reasons i still don't understand but am always pleasantly surprised about, my last post on pluto did numbers here on tumblr.com. here i am about four years later with a LOT MORE SHIT TO SAY, so buckle up buttercups.
i have pluto conjunct my ascendant by less than a degree and my sun and moon opposite it. my last rant here was on the topic of the weird reputation pluto gets on this site for being a "sexy" planet, and i think in the last few years i've started to understand more about this notion. i want to go into my experience with pluto with you all to see if i can get to the bottom of where this stereotype comes from. heads up for certified Long Ass Post
CW: eating disorders, PTSD, alcoholism
SEMI-NECESSARY BACKSTORY:
early in life, i felt held back. i used to describe the feeling as being in a fishbowl-- able to see out, but utterly helpless to interact with or change any part of the world. things simply were what they were. for something theoretically completely self-inflicted, it was demeaning. feeling that powerless, less than human, breaks you a little. to try to illustrate what i mean, i remember feeling envious of book protagonists in horrible situations-- kidnapping, losing everyone they love, betrayal-- for the simple fact that they got to be human while they went through hell. people at rock bottom maintained a dignity i could not have.
anyone who knows what i'm talking about also knows you reach a breaking point eventually. mine was at 18. to fit a yearlong breakdown into about a sentence, i experienced a breakup that shook my perception of everything i thought i had known, dropped out of high school, stopped consuming just about everything outside booze, lost a dangerous amount of weight, and eventually landed my ass squarely in the psych hospital. ...it had been a long time coming.
when you reach rock bottom, and i mean the real rock bottom-- so deep you have to bring a fucking shovel-- you're left with two options. you can give up and die, or you can suck up whatever dregs of your pride are left and start climbing out of the hole you dug. i felt stupid every second i felt climbing, but you have to understand: it was literally the only option left. as stupid as i felt, though, over time things began to change. i made friends. i got my GED. i went to therapy and committed to it in a way i never had before. i started feeling almost proud of myself, which let me tell you, was an alien emotion. the wolves still liked to hang out at the edges of my brain, though; don't get me wrong. i spent a quite frankly terrifying amount of time around people because the second i wasn't, that feeling would set in. the fishbowl would be back and suddenly i was 8, or 10, or 14, and nothing had changed, and that was my punishment for something (i still don't really know what i did).
i'm 22 now, and four years have passed. i can safely say these days that even when i'm not Happy, i am Human. i've gotten to a place where i can handle the dark moments, and i have a genuine appreciation for myself and a sense of humanity i never had growing up-- which brings me to the actual point of the post.
ACTUAL POINT OF THE POST:
pluto, in my opinion, is about destruction. when i was thinking up this post, the words "destroying angel" popped into my head, and i think they describe pluto perfectly. the lore i dropped on y'all was meant to illustrate the themes this planet has followed since the beginning: powerlessness, little deaths, and building yourself up from the bottom.
pluto breaks you down. not in a sexy way. pluto breaks you down to the point you have nothing left to fall back on. i mean not to say that people without pluto strongly present in their charts do not experience this-- to some degree, this is a human experience-- but plutonians cannot escape it.
my first post was made in the car outside a pole lesson. instead of going in and facing my fears, dealing with the people who knew what they were doing better than me, i made a post about pluto. it felt relevant at the time and still does. i didn't want to face my fears. i couldn't. pluto ruins everything you think you are, or what you want to be, in favor of what you are becoming. it doesn't care what you think you are. it doesn't care who you wish you were. it only cares who you ARE, both in this moment and who you're meant to be.
like i said, this feeling is human, the same way that every sign's archetype is part of a human life. plutonians, though, experience this in everything they are. as a plutonian, you don't get to lie to yourself. you might tell people partial lies that make you feel comfortable, or tell yourself things that make you feel safe, but you'll never be able to stay there. that's not your lottery in this life.
i want to clarify something important: people with strong pluto placements/aspects and people with strong scorpio placements are not the same. the exact difference is difficult to describe, but in short: scorpions apply these themes in everything they are, and the need to reveal is not so involuntary. people with strong scorpio placements keep secrets because they can. people with strong pluto placements are incapable of keeping secrets. if you have pluto aspecting any of your personal placements, in some respect, you will not be able to keep secrets. there will always be a part of you that NEEDS to reveal the truth regardless of your own fears. both concern themselves with the hidden, but one is personal and in control, while the other is completely out of your hands. this is the nature of outer planets.
in sum, i mention the fishbowl because that is the truth of pluto before it reaches its peak. outer planets involving themselves in your own placements mean significant portions of life being out of your hands-- but they also mean power. when you learn to harness them, when you learn the lessons they teach, you will be stronger than the people around you. you will be stronger because you will have lived a life that DEMANDS that you find your own power instead of relying on what you've already gained to give you self-worth. people with strong outer planet placements (uranus, neptune, pluto) often live lives that are extremely difficult in the beginning in order to learn lessons many never do.
pluto adds to image, like all things do, but it doesn't care about your image. it doesn't care about making you attractive. it cares what you build your ashes into.
let yourself learn. don't define your life based on where you are right now. you're meant for more. if this resonates with you, and you don't think you have these placements, please take this advice regardless. natal charts determine life path to a point, but they are also infinitely complex, and themes can overlap. don't take a stranger's word over your own knowledge of yourself.
