My mind's playing tricks on me lately.
Telling me that I hate myself and 2 minutes later feeling like the most beautiful person on this world.
Telling me I love someone and 2 minutes later feeling like it's so easy to be without them.
Telling me I want someone to be my friend and than realising that we have nothing to talk about.
I always thought that I may never fit in. It took me way too long to realise it's the people I talked to.
Because it doesnt matter how many of you there are, you will always have something to talk about if there's some true connection.
I always wish that someone would love me so badly.
And than when someone does, I feel so scared of love.
When I am sure that they wont hurt me, I fear it the most.
When someone loves me back and I am so happy,
Because I hate the people I love the most, because I hate myself too much to realise that I am worth of being loved.
I don't want to hurt people.
I always try to see the best.
But with the best comes always the worst too, and than I feel like no person is good enough.
Even though I am not so perfect as I see myself.
Even at the days when I love myself.
I am jealous of you being better than me, because I want to be good at something.
I don't want to be just another person.
Sometimes, I just want to be the prettiest, the smartest, the kindest,
It feels like I have been so horrible on myself.
There's something at the evening walks home that always makes me cry a little.
I am so messed up inside that I want someone to help me.
But at the same time, I don't.
I am scared of letting someone inside.
I try to love myself with these flaws.
(so i don't have to fix them. Because it makes so much pain.)
I don't even know anymore.
