starter for @poguetide
the joint crackled faintly when she pulled, the paper burning in uneven edges. the taste hit her first – woody, dry, almost sour at the back of her throat. for a second she thought she'd choke on it, but she forced herself to hold the smoke in until her chest ached. when she finally let it out, the cloud lingered in front of her face, curling and unraveling like it had nowhere better to go. he watched it drift, oddly fascinated, until the breeze tugged it away. it was already settling in her system by the time she passed it back. a little warmth spread low in her belly, and then higher, climbing into her chest like someone had lit a candle inside her. she rubbed her palms over her jeans, restless, but the feeling wasn't uncomfortable. it was the opposite; like her body had been carrying a weight she didn't realise, and now it was slowly being lifted, piece by piece. depression had been hanging over her for weeks. some mornings it felt like trying to swim with a cinder block tied to her ankle. she'd still smile when people looked, still show up when she was expected, but the heaviness followed her everywhere, unshakable. tonight she hadn't expected much. just another boneyward party, another night of smoke and fire and loud music. but now the weed was doing something she desperately needed. she leaned back on her hands, letting her head fall toward the sky. the stars blurred slightly when she tried to focus, as though they were moving, spinning gently in a rhythm only she could see. her mind slowed down in the best way, thoughts no longer piling on top of each other. instead, they wandered lazily, stopping in places they didn't usually get attention. the texture of her tongue. the way the air smelled like salt and ash. the faint hum in her ears that might've been music or just her brain buzzing.
another hit. this time it didn't burn as much, and the smoke tasted sweeter, almost grassy. she swirled it around her mouth before exhaling, like she was testing wine. her lips tingled afterward, and her jaw felt slack, her words spilling out without much planning. “my mouth feels… weird.” she murmured, half to herself. “like i swallowed a cotton ball. but like, in a good way?” the statement made her laugh, quick and sharp, and she pressed her fist against her teeth to quiet it. everything was a little funny now, even her own nonsense. she liked that. she liked laughing without thinking about why. the warmth in her chest kept spreading outward, reaching her fingertips, her toes. it was like her whole body was humming at the same frequency, calm but alive. for the first time in a long time, she wasn't weighed down by the heaviness she carried around. the sadness was still there somewhere, she knew that, but it had been pushed to the edge of the room, out of the spotlight. what was left in its place was lightness – soft, hazy, uncomplicated. she tucked her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. a smile lingered on her lips without her even trying. her head was buzzing, her thoughts coming in slow, lazy waves. in the best of ways. it felt like floating. “this is… good,” she said quietly, more to herself than anyone else. “really good.”
