Spiders
Just an old BD and Sprite thing I wrote a while ago.
Contains descriptions of dissociative issues and references to past abuse.
"She deserved what she got. All I'm saying."
Sprite sat in the entrance to the bathroom, legs pushed up against the door frame. The man sat in the empty bathtub, that wasn't big enough to fit all of him in it. It was a weird way to have a conversation.
It's phone pinged soon enough, with a response from him me.
>It's fine if you believe that, but repeating it won't convince me.
He snorted, glancing over at the rooms other occupant. There was the telltale click as it turned its phone off again. The man was starting to wonder why it was doing that.
"I know some parts of you agree with me. Look how it turned out in the end. If I saw again I'd spit in her face, but she'd still be-"
He pauses, lowering its voice in a moment of self awareness
"Here."
He began I begin to type.
>What is your point.
He kept the volume of its voice down but its tone was harsh,
"My point is 'm not the one who took metal to her neck! You act like 'm depraved, like 'm morally bankrupt but you- YOU did that. And I never hear you fucking own up to it or anything. It's oh 'she could've grown', 'she caused harm but was part of a bigger system' but- Where- where the hell was this at the time."
It was out of breath, looking at him. waiting for a response. At me.
>I don't know.
It wasn't looking at me anymore. His eyes were closed.
"It's like you weren't even there- You didn't- You."
It pulled it's legs to it's chest, like he tended to do. It was hard to tell if he was acting, or if he really did feel that small. I could never tell.
According to a book on social interactions he recently read, it is often favorable to assess and then assert peoples emotions in a neutral way, 'You're annoyed.' and such.
I am not sure how he feels.
>It was scary.
"Yeah, it was."
. . .
"You didn't look very scared though."
>What answer to this would you find satisfactory, please do inform me, so I can type it out.
I didn't think before hitting send. Irrational. Irrational.
"Tell me what was going through your head- I know you can just fuckin- say crap to your sister and she'll believe you have some sort of selective amnesia- but - I know you know. I know you."
>Would that make you Happy, Sprite Brandt.
"-Fucking. Sure, dude."
I He takes a breath. He does not want to proceed.
>Okay.
>You are aware of the concept of a spider, yes. It would make the story hard to tell without it.
"Uhhh… its like -. It's the- joltik but smaller and worse."
>They are quite small. Some are barely visible to the human eye, or so I've heard. Our sources are unreliable.
"Whaatt… no way…."
>Spiders. >I liked spiders at a young age. I liked them a lot.
"I don't think you're answering my question buddy."
>I am. >I am answering it.
>I frequently found myself in situations where it was ill advised to act childlike. To speak. To react.
I refuse to look at Sprite unless he speaks. His My neck feels warm.
>There was an unfavorable situation. I did not know what to do. I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine a spider crawling across my face. In that moment it was real. The spider crawled inside my ear, deep into my head. When I opened my eyes again. I was watching things from the spiders point of view.
"mmmh?"
>Whatever happened to me, didn't happen to me, it happened to an unfortunate little boy. The spider watched it happen. It didn't matter what happened to the body, the spider was just watching, It couldn't influence any outcomes, it didn't control the body, which moved of its own accord.
The silence was excruciating.
"… The more you know- I guess."
>The spider doesn't have emotions, the spider doesn't understand why the body acts the way it does. The spider waits for things to happen.
"… 'nd what about the man, where does he fit into this … and… yknow. What happened."
>I don't know. >It felt someone cut a cord that was tied around my neck, slowly suffocating me. >And I just had to keep going. Over and over and over. More and more and more. >And I wanted to feel comfort I wanted to feel relief but if I stopped it would be something else. Something worse.
>And then I was a spider again. Waiting for the body to move. And it didn't. Familiar faces appeared. The spider wanted the body to move, to speak, to react. But it didn't.
>The spider didn't want to admit that he is the man. And he had control of the outcome of the situation. So he waited for the man to move on its own. How naive.
I don't want to look at him. I don't want to talk to him any more. I want to be left alone.
"… Does the man want a glass of water, you're sweating like a mudsdale there."
. . .
"Alright alright I get the hint, 'm going. "
>Please don't mention this again. >Please.
The door clicked shut without an answer, leaving us in the dark.
The man sat motionless, the spider too. Both willing the other to move.