𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 @polaroidhead : 𝚈𝙾, 𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳, 𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝚄𝙸𝚃, 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙺 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴.
“ 𝚢𝚘 ... 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚒 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚏𝚏 , ” you tug at the tie around your neck ; even though it’s halfway untied, it’s still strangling you ( OR MAYBE IT’S THE WHOLE FORMALITY OF THE EVENT - EVEN MORE SO , PERHAPS THE FEAR OF BEING LEFT BEHIND ) . he’s right, though, you ARE miserable in this thing.
NIKON’S WEDDING WAS A HELL OF AN AFFAIR . far too fancy for your taste; you stand out like a sore thumb, not just because of your monstrous height towering over the rest of the unsuspecting crowd, but because of your energy spiking in all different directions. it starts EXCITED , because what a fuckin’ party, huh? your best friend, man of the hour, and a full-on open bar. you’ve got a job to do soon, as BEST MAN ( OBVIOUSLY ) that you’re sure you’ll nail - FOR NIKON , AT LEAST , if not in the eyes of the rest of the guests, but you really don’t care about them.
but then it all shifts into FEAR , and DISCOMFORT . because you think you KNOW what’s gonna happen after the celebration is over, right, ‘cause he’s not gonna take her home to the apartment; the place you’d run away to and hid under the covers of and cowered from your folks behind the solid metal door of. the neighborhood that took you a year to get comfortable in, the graffiti-laden walls of the basement passageway, the knocked-out walls and the exposed brick, the couch you’d basically become a man in ( AND YET STILL , A CHILD IN A SIX FOOT SIX FRAME ; YOU’RE NO MAN , EMMANUEL ) . that’s no place for a married man. that’s no place for ANY man, but you aren’t quite there yet yourself, and you know it’s time for him to move on to places you can’t follow.
YOU PULL OFF THE TIE , and scrunch it up into a ball ; YOUR FIST STRAINS AROUND IT . your fingers can’t let go of it, and the tension is impossible to retract as it shoots pan up your forearms. your posture won’t let any of your nerves obvious, of course; you’ve never been one to let anything less than rambunctiousness past your eyes, even when under the most intense stress- NOT UNLESS YOU DON’T THINK ANYONE’S LOOKING , but nikon’s fuckin’ looking. “ 𝚊𝚒𝚗’𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 , 𝚖𝚊𝚗 , 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚢𝚕𝚎 . 𝚝𝚛𝚢’𝚗𝚊 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏 ? 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 , 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚎 . 𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚒𝚗 - 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗’ 𝚘𝚗 , 𝚢’𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 ? 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚜 ? 𝚠𝚑𝚘’𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚔𝚒𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 ? ”
it comes out more of a JUSTIFICATION , for your general behaviour . 𝚒’𝚖 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚞𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚊𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚞𝚢 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎. you’ve already got your things packed. you did it when he’d left to go to the reception hall early this morning, to make sure everything was under control ( YOU DON’T HAVE A LOT OF BELONGINGS TO YOURSELF , JUST A BACKPACK’S WORTH ; YOU USED TO SHARE MOST OF WHAT YOU HAD ) . when do you take it? when do you have to go?
“ 𝚋𝚞𝚝 - 𝚑𝚎𝚢, 𝚗𝚒𝚔𝚘𝚗 ? ” YOU’RE ABOUT TO ASK , BUT YOU DON’T . HOW CAN YOU ? your best friend is glowing, he’s so damn happy, almost bouncing off the balls of his feet into space and launching into the stars. the fuck are you supposed to say? PLEASE DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME ? 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍, 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚙? 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚘 𝚒 𝚐𝚘, 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍? 𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎? 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕? 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚍𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎, 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚍𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚊 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU , PAUL ?
“ 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚜 , 𝚖𝚊𝚗 . 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚋𝚎 , 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 , 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 . ”
