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Politess | Il ne fait pas froid dans l’alphabet

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Montesquieu’s moral relativism was not embraced by all contemporaries— and certainly not by Jansenists and Church authorities in France. The latter came close to condemning the work, but the Vatican took care of the task, putting De l’esprit des lois on the Index in 1751.Yet, even many philosophes eschewed his relativism, preferring a universal basis for good moeurs. According to Voltaire, this basis lay in the development of the arts, sciences, and commerce. In his Essai sur les moeurs, which recounted world history from the Ancients to the reign of Louis XIV, Voltaire attributed Europe’s “superior” moeurs to precisely this development. Although all societies, including European, were prone to fits of fanaticism and war, Europe’s unmatched progress in the arts, sciences, and commerce placed it ahead of others in the evolution from barbarity toward civilization. In the 1770s, philosophes began grafting the norms of civility in the Republic of Letters onto Voltaire’s notion of universal history. Politeness in exchanges was no longer a matter of mere courtesy. Nor was it simply an expedient for maintaining harmony within the expanding Republic of Letters, as it had been at the turn of the century. Polite sociability and refined moeurs were now bound up with the progress of civilization.

Charles Walton, Policing Public Opinion in the French Revolution

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Why Francophiles are Stupid

You find them in all arbitrarily-imposed hierarchical organizations (sororities, country clubs, Junior League): people who just love France.

They’ll wax poetic about the language, the culture, art, architecture. The French have better manners, better education and better priorities.

You know what?  No they don’t.

I was one of those annoying Francophiles that took my Gallic love to the nth degree. I learned to speak French, I taught a university-level class in French history, I visited 11 times before I moved there for 13 years.

And while I hate to speak in sweeping generalities, let me assure you there is nothing particularly admirable about France as a nation, or the French as a populace.  (At least not 20th century France. Paris during the Age of Reason is a different story).

Bearing in mind that it’s tit for tat, that there is no nation superior to another, and I do not intend to bash a country/culture that furnished me with the most formative years of my life…. I do, however, feel quite strongly that the people who think that France is a superior nation that deserve a smack up against the head.

First let’s a get a few common misconceptions straight.

FALSE: The French have better manners.

TRUTH:  The French have better table manners. Luckily there is no Olympic category for ambidextrous knife/fork wielding.  The French would never lose. An old boyfriend once told me that I had “passed” and was now officially Parisian because I correctly ate a peach during a dinner party. (Armed with a dessert fork and knife, I skinned and ate the freshly-picked peach without breaking eye contact with my host who had engaged me in conversation, probably as a way to test my social class and breeding).

In terms of daily social decorum, Parisians have an aggressive streak that makes the ever-cheery and accommodating American run for cover. The correct response to an indignant verbal slight (whether real or perceived) is an increased hostile reply laced with tacit superiority. This goes on until someone starts swearing, throws something or storms out. And this sort of social interaction happens several times on a daily basis, among strangers, acquaintances, family, friends, and always when ordering something at the boulangerie. (Look up the French word for uncouth in a dictionary and you will find a picture of a boulangere).

Here’s the French President Nicolas Sarkozy, getting jostled at an annoying photo op (the agriculture tradeshow).  He’s surrounded by handlers and secret service, but the public can get close enough and one man tries to get the President’s attention by touching his arm.  (link opens in a new window)

With a pleasant smile Sarkozy says “Don’t touch me. You’re soiling me. Fuck off you sad loser.”

Something tells me Obama has better manners. I think even Bush has better manners. I’d wager Nixon on the day of his resignation held it together better, at least in public.

When in Paris, it’s perfectly normal to push your way to the front of a line with indignant self-importance. You can bash into people on the street and yell at them even though it was your fault (paradoxically, you must hold the door open for the person behind you when entering a department store or on the Metro). All tourists are spoken to and about atrociously because they think you can’t understand them (and they’re right, you can’t). Taxi drivers rip everyone off with the regularity of dawn/dusk.  There is no regard for personal space.

France is a country that takes individualism to an extreme that is incomprehensible to Americans. We read it as rudeness rooted in snobbery, but it’s simply their enculturation. There is no such thing as team spirit or greater good.  (There are centuries of historical justification for this, but that will be another entry). They are completely devoid of social empathy, err toward rude whenever possible and it’s in their culture, no different than the Japanese distaste for milk.

FALSE:  French are better educated.

TRUTH: Not anymore. Charlemagne (the King who invented the comma, period, question mark and an easy-to-read/write font) mandated literacy in the Middle Ages. Under Napoléon primary, secondary & high schools were established as well as the concept of a set national curriculum. Currently, students go to school five-and-a-half days a week, from nine to five.

But as schools are underfunded, teachers are poorly paid, and student apathy is at an all-time high,  France is not cranking out any super students or future philosophers . Look to the East for that.

FALSE: The Un-official French National Phrase is « La Vie Est Belle »,  « C’est Si Bon »,  or « C’est Magnifique ».

TRUTH :  The real un-official French National Phrase is « Ce n’est pas mon  problème » (Not my problem!) « Ben, non Madame/Monsieur », (No way, lady/man. And this is usually proclaimed before you make your request), or « Je m’en fous » (I could give a fuck).  Life is not a Line Renaud record, old chum.

FALSE:  French is the most beautiful language in the world.

TRUTH:  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but note that the correct pronunciation of “Rochechouart” sounds exactly like a dog vomiting up a half-chewed biscuit.  Also, there are so many different accents from regional to social, the only people with correct pronunciation, no slang and unwaveringly perfect grammar are news anchors.

FALSE: Paris is the most beautiful city in the world.

TRUE:  Actually, that one is true. There are good arguments to be made for Florence or the inland villages near the Côte d’Azur, but you will not find a city more aesthetically pleasing, from the muted slate and ecru palate of most buildings and streets, to the hodgepodge of genius architectural styles, to the incredibly complex urban planning.

If only Parisians knew how good they had it, living every day in three dimensional masterpiece, they might be a little less aggressive. And perhaps slightly admirable?