#poly curious

[lovey-ghost]

Wouldn't it be okay for everyone to just give me what I want?

[quinngoldkin]

Happy Easter and happy 420

To everyone may everyone have a wonderful day

[saltywastelandkitty]

Sorry but a heads up this post is not the typical feedism post I make:

Are any of my moots poly? I'm really curious about learning more about this because I think I might possibly be too? If you're open to talking and sharing your experiences with discovering and understanding that part of yourself, you're welcome to DM me!

[lola-from-the410]

I’m starting to think I’m just not made for monogamy, whenever I am in a long term relationship with a women I crave dick and when I’m with a man I can’t stop thinking about other women. Like can I just find a boyfriend AND a girlfriend who are cool with me dating both of them?

[deadboyteeth]

Here's my boyfriend application :)

Name: Nicolai

Nickname: nico, Bea, moss, sammie

Age: 16 (also I'm a capricorn)

Gender identity: non-binary trans masc

Pronouns: he/they!

Sexuality: Pan! (Male/nb lean) And poly curious

Location: USA (CST)

Status: single, and very much looking

Position (t,b,s): bottom, that rarely can be a a pwr bttm

Interests:

Cosplay, roleplay, anime, manga, books in general, cartoons, nature, aesthetics (mainly dark academia, grunge, goth, scene, and kid core), music (I vibe with alt rock and indie the most but I'll listen to anything that sounds good), I play the uke and I'm working to get an Acoustic guitar :) (my voice is shit, but I will sing for you)

Idk what else to put so here are some rando facts about me:

I'm 5'3

My favorite colors are red, black, and violet

I'm a big cat person, but I also want some rat bois

As you can tell by my account, I'm a big kinnie

My biggest kins atm:

Nagito komaeda

Kokichi ouma

Sal fisher

Jeremy heere

Kenny Mccormick

Butters scotch

Tweek tweak

[polyadvice]

Hi, I think I'm questioning if I'm poly? I'm bi, and really into this girl who is poly and married. A friend of mine pointed out that I'd be dating both *she thinks* not just the girl, and I'm not against the idea? I'm just wondering if you have any ideas for advice or help? This is the first time I've thought about it before.

It sounds like you’ve got a lot of questions that are mainly based on assumptions - a friend of yours thinks that this polyamorous couple dates as a couple instead of dating individually; but you haven’t actually talked to the woman you like about what dating her would mean. So be careful of falling into thought spirals that you maybe don’t need to go down!

It’s okay to think about whether you’d be interested in dating polyamorously, and if so, what specific flavors of polyamory appeal to you. Maybe you’d be okay dating someone who is already dating other people! Maybe you’d be okay dating a couple! Maybe you’d be okay with either! Maybe neither! Your best bet is to sit and think about that. What’s your best case scenario? Worst case? How do you think about relationships? What are your fears? Your needs?

Then, talk with this person you’re interested in. Ask her genuine questions: if someone likes you and you are into them, what are the first steps you take? Do you clear it with your partner? Do you expect that someone you date is also involved with your partner? You can have these conversations in the general case without confessing your own interest in her; or you can bring it up in that context if it makes more sense. 

Finally, here’s my FAQ page about this!

[deadboyteeth]

Anyone out there who's willing to talk and get to know each other? I'll introduce myself once we start talking, for now you can have the basic info

I go by several names, for reasons,and they tend to fluctuate alot, so just ask if you wanna know what it is at that moment

(Kenny/sal/Nico/Zuku)

I'm 16

Demiboy (he/they they also fluctuate between the two, but atm is he/him)

I'm panromantic demisexual and probably poly

Also my discord is

deadboy.exe#3193

(I'm more active in there)

[polyadvice]

You could say I'm questioning about being poly, but I also have a lot of anxiety. What are ways for me to be more accepting and less worried that potential partners will find someone better than me if I do get into a poly relationship or open relationship?

The first step is to get help for your anxiety! You know that your anxiety is preventing you from living your best life, and knowing is half the battle. (Well, at least the first step in the battle.) If you aren’t already, try talking to a therapist about the anxiety. If that’s not a step you’re ready to take, consider ordering some books or workbooks on anxiety-management techniques like DBT and CBT. There are also lots of apps, wearable tech gizmos, and websites to help you manage and reduce anxiety. You can find a bunch of resources on my page here.

As for anxiety specifically about polyamorous partners finding someone “better than you” - here I go again with the cliches - knowledge is power. Learning about polyamory, how it works, how other people manage those fears, and how to mitigate those, can really help. Do some research on polyamory - you can start with the books and websites listed here! There is some great advice already out there that might help you find your footing.

Also, and I know that it’s nearly impossible to reason someone out of an anxiety, but here’s my perspective on this anyway: in my experience, dating polyamorously actually reduces rather than increases the risk of your partners leaving you for “someone better.” With monogamy, if your partner meets someone they want to date, someone they find interesting, someone who offers the potential of an experience they haven’t had with you - they need to leave you, or cheat on you, in order to find that. With polyamory, your relationship with each partner is secure from that specific threat. They don’t need to torpedo your relationship to pursue someone else they’re interested in.

That’s not to say that poly people don’t get left, or broken up with, and it does happen that someone dating polyamorously decides to “go mono” with one of their partners and leaves their other partners - but polyamory does not mean that people are dating you while dating around in pursuit of someone “better.” It’s not about finding someone “better” than you. All people are different! You offer unique things emotionally, intellectually, sexually, etc. and so does everyone else! Coming back around to my first point, working on self esteem and security within yourself will be key to addressing this issue.