Normalize Poly ships not being only OT3s that are dating each other, because I have some really great polycule headcanons for some of the media I am watching and AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Same anon - sorry if I came on too strong, I actually agree with you on some things but also - I saw a reddit discussion some time ago and one of the posters was a SPN crew member and he was saying how fed up he was with their pranks, bc they turned a 4-hour thing into a 6-hour thing and it got old very fast. Like, imagine being a mic guy or a camera guy and you just have to stand there holding heavy equipment while those idiots quote porn at each other. As for Misha, of course this is only/
Vicky’s business, but as far as I know 1) the third woman got dumped when they decided to have kids, so, like, you invest 5+ years in a relationship and then bye bye, and 2) he likes to pretend he’s deep and whatever, and instead he picks up young fans in a bar, that looks a bit seedy to me. It’s not being poly - it’s what ‘normal’ men want? A family at home and a hot girl whenever they want? Yeah, that’s easy. I’m only expressing an opinion bc he talks about this stuff so much, btw.
Hi again, nonny! No problem about the coming on strong thing. I really mean it that it’s fine to not all like the same people- some things bug some people more than others; I have my button-pushing topics that I can’t stand people too about. No biggie.
I actually agree about the biggest issue with the on-set stuff being the people in tech/behind-the-scenes positions, and so forth (including post-production too). Afaik, those people have way less institutional power, hiring is network-based, so they can’t even really complain, and unlike the few members of the cast who stay around for years, many of them work only a few episodes, so there’s no practical way that I can see to gauge consent even if J2M (and whoever else is involved) wanted to.
As far as Misha and whether he’s a good representative of poly culture goes, we’ll probably end up having to agree to disagree. I had heard that their other partner and they broke up when Misha and Vicki had kids (although the person who told me wasn’t positive; that’s why I said “may or may not”), but my poly family split over my kid too, so I’m not inclined to think less of someone over that. I was the instigator of the breakup, despite me still being madly, deeply in love with one of the people I and spouse left. We broke up over a combination of lack of social/legal protections and support, and differences in beliefs about childrearing (my kid has special needs, and we couldn’t agree on whether day care was appropriate for him or not). New parenthood is a common time for breakups in both poly and monogamous relationships.
If the breakup was because Misha didnt want to raise a child poly, then yeah, that’s not a shining endorsement of his commitment to poly issues, but on the other hand, he also may not be a person for whom poly is a natural and easy life choice, and that’s common in the partner who isn’t the one suggesting it too.
As far as the kinky 3ways/getting some on the side- yeah, if that’s what one is into,then that is indeed one of the benefits of being poly. If straight/vanilla/”normal” dudes want that, then they’re welcome to do the work of being poly too, and then it’s not sleazy anymore. It’s only sleazy if one is being dishonest/if not all parties are giving fully informed consent.
Like Misha and Vicki, I (the assigned chick at birth person) am the more “naturally” poly partner between me and my spouse (the assigned dude at birth person), and it’s been a long adjustment for Spouse coming to believe that when he’s on a hot date that I’m not also going on, I really mean it that I’m excited he’s getting a chance to enjoy himself and I hope everything goes awesome. I just, for whatever reason, don’t seem to have been born with a “normal” amount of jealousy, and I’ve also, on a personal level, had some “casual” sexual encounters that were among the most meaningful and joyous experiences of my life, so why would I not want my partner to have that kind of happiness too?
I’m guessing that you’re not yourself poly, and maybe don’t know that much about what being poly is about on a conceptual level, but please correct me if I’m wrong- I don’t mean to er… poly-splain to you. :D If that is indeed the case though, this: The Ethical Slut, Third Edition is a uh, seminal work and iirc an excellent read (though tbf, its been a couple decades since I read it, so I’m not positive how well it holds up- seems to still have excellent reviews though).
I'm chasing a girl that doesn't even exist anymore. I have a girlfriend and I still like someone who's a guy now. He was everything. And now he's with someone else. I hate the fact I'm jealous. I love my girlfriend. But I love multiple people. I hate myself. I don't deserve her. She's everything to me. She's genuinely everything. I'm basically cheating. What's wrong with me. Why am I like this. Why am I poly. Why am I so disgusting. Why can't I just choose the person who loves me. Why why why why why why why why.
Thoughts about polyamory: How many partners does it take until they are no longer selected lovers but just random people who happened to be there at the right time?
Just got involved with someone who is poly and has a primary partner that they're with. Any tips on how to get used to the poly thing when I don't know much about it? Thank you for taking the time to answer this.
Sure, friend. I’m gonna give you the basic rundown, but if you have further in-depth questions, feel free to message me privately. :)
Firstly: Jealousy is normal. It happens all the time. You are going to have to find ways that help mitigate that for yourself. Remember to prioritize your needs. Take time for yourself. Your partner is a shared being, but hey, so are you! Remember your worth, and use your alone time to increase your sense of it. That will help when it comes time to meet the primary or else deal with their presence in your partner’s life.
Secondly: Communicate. It is always okay to say ‘I don’t like this’ or ‘This makes me feel icky’. Speak up with your feelings and express them to your new poly partner. If they’re unwelcome or unresponsive to your communication, this isn’t the partner I’d choose, personally. It is and always should be okay to express yourself. It is not, however, okay or helpful to make broad angry statements like ‘You don’t care about me’ or ‘You just want it all’, etc. Try to keep your anger from directing the conversation. Keep it to how the actions make you feel, not what you think certain actions tell you about your partner. That way, you can express yourself and be heard, without the lens of jealousy or frustration.
Thirdly: It’s okay if this isn’t for you. Some people simply do not work well without monogamy. That’s okay! Also, it’s hard to be asked to step into the role of secondary without a ton of insight into what that means, and new love is so enrapturing that it can be absolutely devastating to be reminded that your partner has another. That’s hard to manage, absolutely, and if it’s not for you, well...it’s not for you.
It often comes down to how we view ourselves in love. Poly people tend to see love as a large, encompassing blanket that can spread over many people, in different areas, and can have a specific ‘section of quilt’ for you, that is yours alone, so they don’t see your love as lesser or unequal to that of another person that is also covered by the ‘blanket’. If it helps, you should think of yourself as offering something only you can give, and try to accept that another person can offer something different, but not the same or better than what you can. Loving one person doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of loving others, deeply and intensely, or having that ‘couple island’ feeling where it’s you and your partner in your own sweet bubble. Love is all kinds of things. Being poly means you embrace that, but also embrace the jealousy, communication requirements and honesty that it entails. People shouldn’t be getting hurt all the time in a healthy poly situation. If you feel you are, then you need to seek your love elsewhere.
I was so happy with just my two. He had agreed to open our relationship. I got to have two soul mates, two loves. I was so happy until I got greedy. I found another who intrigued me. That third ruined it all and caused me to lose my others. I hate myself for that greed. If I could flip back the clock I would. My life was bliss, I had never felt so loved or at peace. He caused me to reject them and made their flaws seem fatal. The first broke up with me. I left the second due to my anxiety of being without the first. It made me empty and alone. Its getting closer to my happiness again - but it will never be the same. My first no longer wants me to be commited to the second like I was before. Everytime he mentions it, the thought murders me inside because I still love them both and I’m now forbidden to love the other. At least I can still be intimate with him, but the first doesnt know how strong my emotions really flow for the second.
