A Little Lost. A Lot Of Feeling.

I'm just telling my story one post at a time.

[theyremynicotine]

I wish I had the guts

I’m so sick of feeling like this. Of having to choose between a happiness thats a fucking lie and the possiblity of being self sustaining. I don’t know how much longer I can take it and its quite interesting. No one takes me seriously. No one cares. Not my parents. Not my best friend. No one. They all keep telling me to not pass up the opportunity but all keep failing to realize the mental and emotional cost of it. Maybe eventually I can work up the courage, but honestly I don’t know if I could hurt my babys like that. Even if they’d only forget about me a few months later. Gods I wish I was fucking gone.

[lordandgodoftheobvious]

“The world is overpopulated.”

Nope.

“Well, that’s just carbon emissions. What about places for all those people to live?”

If the world’s population all lived in one city that was as densely populated as Manhattan, that city would be the size of Ecuador. The space taken up by ourselves and our toys is actually rather insignificant next to that taken up by our farmland.

“Ah-hah! Farmland! We’re not producing enough food for all those people!”

The problem here is we are insanely wasteful with our food.

Firstly, half of all food grown in the US goes straight into the dumpster.

Secondly, we grow it very inefficiently. We could very easily increase the food yield of a given area of land by building a greenhouse on it (which also reduces water loss) and using poly-cultures instead of mono-cultures; the reason our preferred method is open-air mono-culture farms, which are susceptible to erosion and blight and requires a god-awful amount of water to stay hydrated, is that labor is expensive and land is cheap.

In fact, if we took it even further–growing our food in carbon dioxide-rich environments lit with artificial lighting 24 hours a day (or at least at night)–you only need 1-2000 square feet of farmland per person. Admittedly, you pretty much have to have fusion power for this to be an environmentally and economically viable option, but still; the point is, we could easily condense our environmental footprint by a shit-ton (and even more options will be available in the future) without decreasing our population one iota.

“There is still a maximum carrying capacity the planet has.”

Indeed there is. And do you know what that carrying capacity is? It’s ten trillion. And the cut off isn’t space or resources–it’s waste heat. The things we’d have to do to get there aren’t exactly the sort of things we could do overnight–hell, we don’t actually know how to fusion yet–but they’re all well within the realm of the physically possible.

[noandpickles]

We’re all going to die because the rich are selfish and their cronies are too.

[theyremynicotine]

Today

Today I proposed a coffee shop name. It would be our last name if we were married. He chucked and didn’t oppose the idea at all. Gods. I love him so much. I just wish he’d take me back.

[theyremynicotine]

Why

Why do you always act like Im a burden. A thing to be entertained. I feel so worthless and so many people keep ignoring me when I talk to them

[theyremynicotine]

Well. I guess I am just trash

He made plans with me again. He never even bothered leaving his house. So obviously he never followed through with his plans. He is slowly abandoning me for his ‘friend’ yet all they do is do drugs together. If he’s going to forget me - I wish he’d let me kill myself first so I don’t have to watch him care less and less. Without him. Its just not worth it.

[theyremynicotine]

Why

Everytime he goes to see him - he ignores me. Radio silence. Its one of the things that allows the voices in the back of my head to win...

[theyremynicotine]

Why again

For the first time in a long time, there were butterflies... yet now... after... he barely speaks to me. I know he may just be busy, but he had time to talk and flirt before.

[theyremynicotine]

I wish

I wish it could all stop. I’m so sick of everything. Of people snapping at me at work. Of my medication not working. Of my parents threatening to throw me in the looney bin and telling me Im just putting on a show for attention. I wish I was strong enough to make it stop. To make the pain go away. I’m so tired of the rejection and the hatered and all the stupidness of everyday life. I dont see the point. I really dont. All I want is acceptance and it appears there is no way to recieve that. Maybe. If Im lucky. I’ll find a way out. But I doubt it. I’ve been looking for 20 years and so far...nothing.

[theyremynicotine]

Having a crush is a difficult thing

Especially when they dont answer back. Im terrified we went too far and Ive scared him off. What if he ghosts me? It’d be even worse since Id rather us just be friends than lose him completely. And why do I care so much? Its only been such a small time.

[theyremynicotine]

I’m sick of being alone. Of feeling alone.

[theyremynicotine]

I hate it

He wanted me. I wanted him. Then he rejected me so I rejected him. I still wanted him though. He has someone else now. I hate myself bc I still want him so much.

[theyremynicotine]

I really wish there was an off button.

[theyremynicotine]

I miss having people who legitimatly give a shit about me...

[luckydreaming]

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

[onceuponakhaleesi]

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

[jamesbleach]

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

[usedtobehmc]

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

IT’S GOTTEN BETTER!

[coffeeandcursewords]

This post is immaculate

[mobians-and-chaos-blog]

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

[strampunch]

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

[pokemon-chick-1personalblog-blog]

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

[combthecombel]

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

…oh my god…

[verityglasses]

ask-gmodsfmrocks:

LOL

This just gets better and better

[fairytail-angel]

This is one of my favourite things to look at

[strampunch]

holy shit this stuff is back

[livia-jones]

The Gravity Falls one though

[nightowlhowell]

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

WHAT THE FUCK

[artfulhobbes]

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

HOLY SHIT

[clolymoly-deactivated20190507]

IT GOT BETTER

[nukewolf]

I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING SO LONG FOR THIS POST OH MY GOD!!!

[cm8x-insanity]

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

[roses-in-fire]

Never not reblog

[ryrobsessed]

IT’S ON MY DASH. ACTUALLY ON MY DASH.

[smolpastelplant-blog]

ITS ON MY DASH FINALLY I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH XD

[virusap]

AHAHAHAH

[yallra-galra]

I FOUND IT ON MY DASH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[redyarns]

IT’S ON MY DASH AND NOW IT’S ON YOUR DASH I’M CRYING

[theyremynicotine]

Its been forever since he broke up with me. His attitude towards me hasnt changed. It makes me want to kill myself. I feel so confused. At least if I no longer existed I would not have to deal with all of my emotional bullshit.

[beaujes]

ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but it’s hard enough to call the doctor’s office i’m not gunna call the ghostbusters i’d just live with a ghost in my house forever

[beaujes]

who you gunna call? no one i have anxiety

[theyremynicotine]

Im in love with him but...

I doubt he even understands. I’m poly in standard. But he is my best friend and my soulmate. If its what it takes since they all abandoned me, I’ll do anything for the only man thats ever treated me like me.