Can I go on a bit of a rant here?
I’ve heard other people talk about this but I think about it a lot so I figured I’d join the discussion. I’m a gay trans man who came out as gay only a year or 2 ago but I’ve dated a few men. Feel free to add your 2 cents if you’re also gay or just male loving. Any homophobia and/or hate will be deleted and blocked. Now here’s my rant lol
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I have really bad internalized homophobia
like I keep thinking I’d be better as a cis lesbian or at least as a straight guy
like, why can’t I just be a normal dude and like girls? Why did I have to like guys?
Everybody says girls are better and guys are trash. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me that I don’t feel that way for girls
I’m proud of my identity, don’t get me wrong. But, still.
I know the joke “men are trash, I feel bad for you.” It’s funny and I make those jokes too, but that can really fuck up me and some others
it makes me feel like I should be ashamed of liking them and setting myself up for a lifetime of heartbreak. It feels like it would be easier to just date a girl and not get my heart broken, even if I’m not happy. it’s not that I feel like I’m a freak and feel like I have to change my identity or again but sometimes I think I should have stayed a straight girl and not stand out so much, as miserable as that was. I don’t feel like I’m disgusting or anything, I just feel like I shouldn’t like guys and have to pretend I don’t sometimes.
“Women are goddesses and men are trash” is all I ever hear. I feel like I’m sick, sick for feeling that for men and not women. i understand the men are trash joke, but eventually it stops being funny and starts being hurtful.
i just wish I was more “normal” sometimes. Everyone would be happier if I just married a woman because if I’m a man that’s more “normal”.
I’ve dated guys but mostly girls flirt with me. Maybe life would be easier if I had a girlfriend and didn’t constantly chase men that don’t want me. I’m pretty confident I don’t like women and I love men, but sometimes my mommy issues and internalized misogyny get in my head and tell me I should like women
I mean I know the whole point of being queer is that we’re not normal and fit outside the box. I’m proud of being queer, I really am. Just sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Same thing with being trans, I wish I was a cis guy and don’t have to fight for my identity so much. Espically in todays world
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I wrote this awhile ago and don’t really feel like this anymore but… I still have a feeling that I like women but I think that’s more because i feel like I have to than I actually do
I think that’s a bit too much ranting for me but let me know what you all think. I may or may not revise this at a later date but I feel like since it’s pride month it’s perfect time to open discussion to topics like this. Any mlm or nblm feel free to add your thoughts to this.
love you all, thanks for reading my madness haha
