Been a good weekend...
...still feeling a bit lonely. I got to really reconnect with D. All of our plans fell apart, we were hoping to go on a date with a couple, we were hoping to at least get out, but sickness and babysitter problems meant that we spent the whole weekend at the house. The first night we made a fire the kids loved, then after they were in bed, we cuddled and watched Netflix together. Then, slow, gentle intimate time after. The next night we had a rough start, both of us wanted a night of passion, but it's hard to initiate it. We persevered, and had some fun together in a way we hadn't in a while.
S has been gone on a trip for a bit and life was pretty busy before that. We got to see each other for an hour a week and a half ago, but it was something. I miss her. We had our one year anniversary while she was gone. I made her a present that I hope to give her before I leave for the holiday weekend. I wasn't feeling anxious at all until after I finished her gift. Now, I'm feeling a bit anxious. But she sent me a lovely text today and that helps.
Still grieving the total and complete loss of L in my life. I know she is a bit narcissistic, and oddly enough, recognizing that has helped. I miss her terribly sometimes, but it is hurting a little less. Part of me cannot understand why I feel the way I do after all the ways and times she hurt me, but part of me gets it. Still think I'm better off for having had her in my life, no matter what she thinks of me.
I am so proud of you all that have accepted poly and are making it work. I keep striving to do the best by my partners. I sometimes get jealous that everything is so hard for us, that its all so much work. I just want to curl up with D and S and know its all going to be okay. Still striving, still working.
Be safe, all of you. Thank you for being there. You know who you are.
